Is my Ex Boyfriend sending mixed signals?

LegacyUser

Hiya,

Basically my ex and I split about 8 months ago, he ended it and it was out of the blue and I was very upset. I haven't gotten over him but there has been no contact since the day we split 8 months back.

So I was very shocked to have a mutual friend tell me he had asked how I was, and to say hi to me. Further more that mutual friend went on to say, well that was a nice ending now. It seemed like a very catty comment, since the break up was messy. He deleted me off fb 4 months after our breakup even though there was no contact either side.

I put it behind me, however I got a shock when on a public networking site, I commented on that friends status, and when I got a notification that he had commented on it too, after I had. I find this very odd. His comment also wasnt directly at me, but it was something along the lines of "I dont know what yee two think but ........ is hillarious"

thats not the actual sentance but basically a girl had left a comment already, then I did and then he left one right after mine and referred to me and the girl, as "yee"

so Im just wondering what he's playing at. Its hurtful to me because it seems like after all this time of no contact he's now pretending it never happened or else he's just playing a game.

I know people will say, oh he's just trying to be nice or see if the air is clear, but thats not the case, he's shy when it comes to girl stuff, so I mean he'd geniuely be nervous to see if the air was clear between us at this stage. He looked like death the day it ended between us he was so nervous. So I dont know whether he might want to talk again and see if anything is there, or is this him simply being a guy and leaving a comment. All I can say, is him and this girl are good friends and Ive commented many times before and this is first time it happened. Truthfully I do want him back, I wont lie. I just think yes Im probably looking into it too much. But if it seemed likely he's thinking along the same lines, Id jump at the chance to try again.

LegacyUser

Hey OP,

I've only had like 2 texts since i broke up with my bf few months back, its best not to read into it too much. I know what you mean when you say you would jump at the chance to get back with him, but its probably not a good idea to, he's your ex for a reason. That is probably his way of being nice. Don't let it bug ya

ApeXaviour

So he referred to you within a plural... There's nothing mixed about that signal. I hesitate to say there's anything even signal-like in that signal.

8 months have gone by, he's becoming comfortable enough that he doesn't have to hold back and censor himself. Reading anything more is pulling at straws.

You want to see if he's interested in getting back together? Send him a message asking to meet for a coffee. Make up some excuse "it'd be good to catch up as friends".

Just a warning, going back is usually a bad idea. You probably see that relationship through rose-tinted glasses. All the problems caused it to end before will in all likelyhood still be there...

LegacyUser

Hi, OP here. I totally agree, if I went back it probably would end the same, I think its the non closure of the whole situtation thats niggling at me. I do feel however he is doing this on purpose. I guess I'll have to move on. It was just such a shock since I felt I was getting over it. thanks for your imput!!

Exclamation Marc

I honestly feel like you are reading into things too much.

It's understandable as you are his ex and he hurt you as well as ended it in a poor way.

I always say that "exes are exes for a reason" and as previous poster said, the same problems will exist that lead to the end.

If I were you I'd just cut my losses, don't read into anything he says and just try to move on. It's an awful situation but if you try to read and anticipate his behaviour you will misconstrue something and end up hurt or even more confused.

You're better off without him if it was an out of the blue breakup, followed by deleting you off facebook and not talking to you since.

LegacyUser

i feel for you and totally understand, most of us have been there at some point.

The thing you have to see is that there is NO mixed signals..

He has not contacted you, he has not called you, he has not asked you to meet up and talk..... there is no signs of anything, its pretty clear. I dont mean to say this to you to be hurtful at all, not my intentions, but just to let you see it the way it is.

He is leaving his life and moving on and so should you as painful as it might be and dont look into the small little things that he does or say because at the end of the day...theres nothing else to back up any hopes for you to have.

I have an ex, its 2 years next month we broke up and after a good few months of no contact last year he is now contacting me again for the past 3 months, and the worst...he has a girflriend that he's crazy about and perfect, so he says. ( I have never contacted him)

My point is, exes are like ghosts, they like to come back and hunt us when we are finally moved on, or just to simply mentally torture us, but it doesnt mean they want to get back together, it means they need an ego boost, to know you are still around, I know thats what my ex does and all i feel now is pitty for his gf.

Plan things with your gfs and go out have fun and next time someone tells you he said hi or asked about you simply say,"cool, im great thanks!" nothing more and nothing else to say!

All the best and again appologies if i said anything hurtful, not intended.

LegacyUser

huggy bear girl wrote: »

i feel for you and totally understand, most of us have been there at some point.

The thing you have to see is that there is NO mixed signals..

He has not contacted you, he has not called you, he has not asked you to meet up and talk..... there is no signs of anything, its pretty clear. I dont mean to say this to you to be hurtful at all, not my intentions, but just to let you see it the way it is.

He is leaving his life and moving on and so should you as painful as it might be and dont look into the small little things that he does or say because at the end of the day...theres nothing else to back up any hopes for you to have.

I have an ex, its 2 years next month we broke up and after a good few months of no contact last year he is now contacting me again for the past 3 months, and the worst...he has a girflriend that he's crazy about and perfect, so he says. ( I have never contacted him)

My point is, exes are like ghosts, they like to come back and hunt us when we are finally moved on, or just to simply mentally torture us, but it doesnt mean they want to get back together, it means they need an ego boost, to know you are still around, I know thats what my ex does and all i feel now is pitty for his gf.

Plan things with your gfs and go out have fun and next time someone tells you he said hi or asked about you simply say,"cool, im great thanks!" nothing more and nothing else to say!

All the best and again appologies if i said anything hurtful, not intended.

OP, here, I appreciate your advice and no its not hurtful. I'm not dismissing anything you say and really Im not living on the idea that we could get back together. Im aware thats not going to happen. But he hasnt a new girlfriend, I know that for certain, I also know that he deliberately commented on it. The conincidence of enquiring about me and commenting are far too close to think otherwise and also because when I commented back today, another message was there by him very soon after. I suppose I was just curious to what his intentions were.

When I say the breakup was bad, I meant I was very hurt. Regardless whether or not people may say its rose tinted glasses Im looking through, it was a great relationship till the day it ended, I was happy and he appeared it, and I never got closure, obviously people will say but it ended so it cant have been great, but it was, Im sure there was some issue I wasnt aware off that he ended it on, but he never let on. I imagine right now he maybe feels guilty and wishes to patch things over, or else he;s being highly cocky and playing an ego trip here. But I cant see whats to gain. I really was just looking for some advice from people who experienced such things, thanks for all the advice though, I do appreciate it. But I really am not reading too much into it. I know this guy far too well to know this isnt a casual thing.

LegacyUser

I think you are being really ridiculous, you're reading into stuff that is not there.

You need to accept that it's over and he's never coming back to you, you really need to get onto moving on and meeting someone else who you can focus on instead of grasping at straw that just don't exist.

I feel sorry for you really.

Exclamation Marc

ophere13 wrote: »

But he hasnt a new girlfriend, I know that for certain, I also know that he deliberately commented on it. The conincidence of enquiring about me and commenting are far too close to think otherwise and also because when I commented back today, another message was there by him very soon after.

But I really am not reading too much into it. I know this guy far too well to know this isnt a casual thing.

You are reading too much into it. It's just facebook, you've no idea how many people put things on facebook with absolutely no hidden motives. I don't know the guy at all, but I really think you're looking far too much into it and trying too hard to find meanings behind simple things. It will wreck your brain if you continue to analyse things. If I ever wanted to patch things up with an ex or talk to an ex, facebook is the last place I'd do it.

LegacyUser

Ysud wrote: »

I think you are being really ridiculous, you're reading into stuff that is not there.

You need to accept that it's over and he's never coming back to you, you really need to get onto moving on and meeting someone else who you can focus on instead of grasping at straw that just don't exist.

I feel sorry for you really.

Ysud, I dont need you to feel sorry for me, so thanks all the same or not!!! I have no intention of getting back with him. In fact I stated earlier that I know I want to, but thankfully I know better, since its because I had no closure that it hurts so much.

Im simply curious to why he was doing this. As I said, I know this guy and due to him asking friends about me earlier, i wondered what he meant by this. I really didnt come onto this website to have people like you feel sorry for me, or speak to me like Im some silly school girl who cant get over someone. Its not like that all. I was looking for people who had similiar experiences in this, who might shed some light on it and advise me.

As to others who have said Im reading too much into it, you right, I probably am in a way, but this is very out of character for him and so I was a little surprised. And Im grateful for everyones advice. Its been a horrible 8 months, Im not making excuses either, break ups happen every day but it came at a bad time, I dont need to get into the details but any other time would have been better than the time it was. I would never get back with him. I wouldnt want all the doubt that would come with it, it doesnt mean I dont think about it.
Again thanks to everyone for their advice, but I dont appreciate being called riddiculous and someone saying they feel sorry for me in such a sarcastic way. I was looking for a bit of advice not a lecture.

kjl

You're reading into this, he simple added a comment on fb, he didn't ask you out or anything. I think you feelings for him are clouding this for you.

LegacyUser

kjl wrote: »

You're reading into this, he simple added a comment on fb, he didn't ask you out or anything. I think you feelings for him are clouding this for you.

I know that, kjl, i never said he asked me our or that I was waiting for him to, I in fact just wanted to know how to deal with this or do I reply to his comments which since then are now directed at me. Having asked advice from close friends, they have stated its weird and he's up to something. These are friends who have no affiliation with him and who I trust. The reason I asked here, was to get strangers opinions and I appreciate all answers, I probably didnt state this, but Im looking for advice how to deal with this. He's making deliberate attempts and since then he's forwarded his number to a friend to give to me, since I deleted it before.

Moomoo1

so he broke up with you without a reason and didn't talk for 8 months? And now is trying to talk to you through friends?

my advice would be 'avoid like the plague'.

LegacyUser

Moomoo1 wrote: »

so he broke up with you without a reason and didn't talk for 8 months? And now is trying to talk to you through friends?

my advice would be 'avoid like the plague'.

Yes, well when we broke up, it was a shock, he gave me reasons but I was never convinced. Neither of us contacted each other for 8 months, so it wasnt one sided. But yes avoiding him is what I headwise want to do. Heartwise it would be the opposite but Im lucky to have good friends to remind me daily not to. lol
Thank you, Moomoo, thats the type of advice I was looking for. Not calling me riddiculous or needing pity because Im looking into it. Thats what my friends said too, I was looking for an outside opinion. so thank you.

Exclamation Marc

You're clearly just not listening to anyone's advice, at all....

Everyone has said you're reading far too much into it and to just let it go but you're hellbent on getting to the bottom of it. You've clearly made your mind up that he is sending you signals and although you're asking for advice and opinions, you're slightly ignoring everyones advice, because there's not one person here offering even a morcel of support to the notion that he's sending you signals or that he's clearly targeting you.

You wanted advice, you have 100% sureity from everyone that he has no intention of "contacting" you or trying to get your attention with any hidden or apparent motives, yet you're just disagreeing with everyone...

Just let it go, you're better off without him in your life in anyway if he hurt you so bad.

LegacyUser

FireballPitcher wrote: »

You're clearly just not listening to anyone's advice, at all....

Everyone has said you're reading far too much into it and to just let it go but you're hellbent on getting to the bottom of it. You've clearly made your mind up that he is sending you signals and although you're asking for advice and opinions, you're slightly ignoring everyones advice, because there's not one person here offering even a morcel of support to the notion that he's sending you signals or that he's clearly targeting you.

You wanted advice, you have 100% sureity from everyone that he has no intention of "contacting" you or trying to get your attention with any hidden or apparent motives, yet you're just disagreeing with everyone...

Just let it go, you're better off without him in your life in anyway if he hurt you so bad.

K, I really don't know what you have against me, fireball, but please dont say I havent taken anyones advice on board, I have, you dont know me or the guy so you dont have the right to be so flipping judgemental, I said I have no intention of getting back with him. So I really dont appreciate it that you're saying Im not taking advice on that. I have! In fact if you read what I wrote, I said I definately agree with that. I also said I wouldnt get back with him logically. I regret posting this, as I know the full details of this and I was looking for a bit of advice on how to deal with it, not to be told he isn't getting back with me or how silly Im being..I have let it go. I let him go eight months ago, hence my not contacting him which I could have.
I really dont think its your or anyones place to vent out "get over him" when Ive said it over and over that Im not thinking about getting back together at him.

LegacyUser

Mods, can you close this thread please. I really appreciate the advice given, but some posts in particular I find really aggressive and insulting, treating me like I'm stupid. I came on here to look for advice and I feel like Im getting a lecture from a 40 year old to a three year old.

Ickle Magoo

Locked at OP's request