My ex has ruined me

LC2010HIS

Kinda depressed right now.
Dont know what to do. I was with this guy for a short time last summer and fell in love
I havent seen him since! And I still think of him all the time! Ever since, I distance myself from other guys etc and I often look at his facebook. I dunno why since I cut contact but I dont feel guilty or anything. He dumped me but tried to keep me as a friend. I had enough and told him where to go.
Why am I so hung up after 1 year?? He's moved on and Im STILL heartbroken:eek: someone help me cause it gets me down and has dumped on my chances with better guys

babs78

Don't know what to suggest I'm afraid. If you're still not over a guy that you went out with for only a short while more than a year ago I think there might be some deeper underlying issue and maybe you should go and see a counseller or someone about it to try and identify the reason why you can't move on?

kjl

Well the first thing to do is delete him as s friend on FB and I believe there is an option to block too.

The reason you are upset is because you are not letting yourself move on. Nobody is saying you have to marry the next guy you meet, but go on a date or two and enjoy yourself. I hate to use the old cliché but you know what the best cure for heartbreak is.

I can promise you this one thing, you will not feel like this forever, but the longer you let it get to you and keep feeling sorry for yourself, the longer its going to last.

Make the first step tonight and block his FB and delete him as a friend.

kjl

babs78 wrote: »

Don't know what to suggest I'm afraid. If you're still not over a guy that you went out with for only a short while more than a year ago I think there might be some deeper underlying issue and maybe you should go and see a counseller or someone about it to try and identify the reason why you can't move on?

Give the girl a break, its called young love. Ill make a wager the op is younger than 21

LC2010HIS

kjl wrote: »

Give the girl a break, its called young love. Ill make a wager the op is younger than 21

Im 19 now. 18 at the time. Dumb at the time too.
Its not like it was normal love either. It was long distancey. Alot of trips.
But we clicked. At least I thought we did.
I thought he loved me enough to cop on and call or email or visit to see me but nothing, which is part of the heartbreak....

LC2010HIS

kjl wrote: »

Make the first step tonight and block his FB and delete him as a friend.

Hey
um im ashamed to say he deleted me a long time ago and I make trips to his page every once and a while just to torment myself

babs78

kjl wrote: »

Give the girl a break, its called young love. Ill make a wager the op is younger than 21

Yeah, you're right. Made an incorrect assumption that Op was as old and haggard as me for a mo.

LC2010HIS wrote: »

Im 19 now. 18 at the time. Dumb at the time too.
Its not like it was normal love either. It was long distancey. Alot of trips.
But we clicked. At least I thought we did.
I thought he loved me enough to cop on and call or email or visit to see me but nothing, which is part of the heartbreak....

Think part of the problem is you haven't got closure as to the reason why it ended etc. You're not going to get a reason. Think you can still block someone on FB even if you aren't a friend. Do this asap - you're not going to move on if you're still looking at his profile all the time!

LC2010HIS

God Im actually sad like!
Im still upset over a guy who has already forgotten my name
My bestfriend even looked at me stupid when I mentioned him the other day!
God, why cant I move on! Like, Ive had plenty of oppurtunity to!
Sorry I know I sound like an annoying girl. Im really sorry
I had nowhere else to vent!
Why is it messing so much with my head and heart? Ive ruined myself !:mad:

easynote

Did the relationship with this guy connect you with a certain feeling inside of yourself? Can you reconnect with that feeling without having to think about him? I believe it might be possible to feel as good without the things /people that we project all of these fantastic feelings onto, when they really come from inside of ourselves.

LC2010HIS

easynote wrote: »

Did the relationship with this guy connect you with a certain feeling inside of yourself? Can you reconnect with that feeling without having to think about him? I believe it might be possible to feel as good without the things /people that we project all of these fantastic feelings onto, when they really come from inside of ourselves.

I felt great in it. Like, I felt like the best girl alive.
Ever since, hate is an understatement . . .
Sometimes I hate myself for not having a bigger impact on him, such as, if i was thinner,smarter etc he'd care about how i am doing.
Sometimes, I hate him so much Id love to rub it in his face...Like, get revenge or inflict all the pain I endured. But since he lives so far away its impossible so it feels like he escaped it all. Some couples who break up, see eachother everyday and say "oh its horrible".. this is worse. No closure. Nothing.
I have up days and down days...
Wow now Ive really opened the "I think you need a councillor" can...

easynote

LC2010HIS wrote: »

I felt great in it. Like, I felt like the best girl alive.

Ok, try to reconnect with the feeling of the best girl alive, you do not need to have him for you to be able to reconnect with that feeling, it comes from within you. He just made you aware of that aspect of yourself...

LC2010HIS

easynote wrote: »

Ok, try to reconnect with the feeling of the best girl alive, you do not need to have him for you to be able to reconnect with that feeling, it comes from within you. He just made you aware of that aspect of yourself...

I have tried. I really have.
I seem to have big issues with my weight and looks since then. I feel he lied alot about loving this and that about me ..Ok im making no sense

easynote

He obviously thought you were beautiful, so it couldn't be that. Your selfesteem needs to be repaired, although he can't do it. Look after yourself, be good to yourself and do feel like the best girl alive once in a while. You do not need this guy for you to be able to feel good...
He did like you, then he moved on- it is sad for you, but there might be some horrible side to him that you never got to know, and he might not have deserved you in the first place. Just cherish the beautiful sides to yourself that you got know through your relationship- and those you can carry with you for the rest of your life. they belong to you and not to some guy that happened to make you aware of them.

kjl

Well if you have issues with your weight, have you thought about joining a gym and eating healthy. You don't have to be overweight, and it's a great way of getting over the blues.

I think you need to get your Gloria Gaynor on girl and forget about this guy. (Please google if you don't know the reference)

LC2010HIS

guys, i rang him...and hung up..
please dont write about how immature i am...i just had a turn and acted on impulse...why though? its been a year and we've nothing in common anymore ...wow im due my period for sure! im crazy :eek: i cant believe i did that


please help me! im in turmoil atm

Zen65

LC2010HIS wrote: »

guys, i rang him...and hung up..
please dont write about how immature i am...i just had a turn and acted on impulse...why though?

Take a few deep breaths and ask yourself.... is this the person you want to become? If you behave in this clingy, desperate manner then you condemn yourself to a very long period of real unhappiness.

Stop looking backward to this relationship. One of the very few absolute truths is that you cannot turn back the clock, so to spend your life looking at times past when your most important adventures lie ahead of you is self-destructive, especially if you distort the experience by inventing unhelpful ways to criticise and blame yourself for the past e.g. "what if I had been thinner?".

Frankly, thinness never held any couple together.

I seem to have big issues with my weight and looks since then. I feel he lied alot about loving this and that about me ..Ok im making no sense

No amount of beauty is going to make relationships work. You were 18. It's so unlikely that any relationship at that age can last, and for the most part it is best for almost everyone that those relationships don't last. These are the years when you learn how to operate within a relationship, and frankly have as much (safe) fun as you can in that time. If you dwell on the early relationships in this unhealthy way you'll wake up one morning at 40 years of age wondering why you're still single, have no friends, while he has a wife, a family, and is happy.

Now, that's a tragedy!!

Get out, stay in contact with your friends and get busy with interesting things to do. Get involved with activities which challenge you (sports, music, drama, whatever) and when the chance comes along to strike up a relationship with somebody you like then go for it, see where it goes, and if it doesn't work out, move on. Stop regretting your life when you should be living it.

Start now by deleting his number from your phone.


...and most importantly, be at peace

Z

LC2010HIS

Zen65 wrote: »

If you dwell on the early relationships in this unhealthy way you'll wake up one morning at 40 years of age wondering why you're still single, have no friends, while he has a wife, a family, and is happy.

Now, that's a tragedy!!

Wow I want the family and husband...
I just missed the connection ..I just want to be loved for me..
I did love him and he claimed to me, but it was the way he turned around, coldly and cut me off.......it scares me

Pyr0

LC2010HIS wrote: »

Wow I want the family and husband...
I just missed the connection ..I just want to be loved for me..
I did love him and he claimed to me, but it was the way he turned around, coldly and cut me off.......it scares me

You can't let temptation get in the way of common sense here if you wish to get over him. Delete everything, his phone number, facebook, put away pictures you may have or throw them out just as long as they're not around anymore.

I was in the exact same situation as yourself heartbroken while she moved on and all that jazz I had to take steps to make sure nothing like that stuff bothered me and it was heard to put away stuff, delete profiles and numbers but it'd had to be done in the end.

Don't bottle up any feelings about the situation either, talk about it to your friends. Sure it may make you angry or upset at the time but it'll be out of your system that little bit more.

I was the same age as you also nearly the exact same situation too, it's a learning process sadly. Everyone is burned once (well, most people) and they learn from it afterwards.

Hastly written reply, in work atm :pac:

Zen65

LC2010HIS wrote: »

Wow I want the family and husband...

So get out, have fun, and in all probability you'll find him.

You certainly have not met him yet. You can't meet him while you're dwelling on your ex. Life's circumstances change, change with them and move on.

Have you deleted his number yet?


Z

LC2010HIS

Yeah i deleted it.


I feel like im hanging onto a ghost ...

I wanna move on.. but Im sick of being lonely.

I just want to see him one last time infront of me ...but to scream at and slap but at the same time hug and kiss him.
I hate and love him. I hate myself for being so stupid as to let my guard down and actually fall in love....
I just want to know he suffered so it makes me feel better ..

LC2010HIS

I think you should know Ive written a mushy goodbye letter/email.....
Its inappropriate right?
Should I send it? Opinions please

Daisy Steiner

LC2010HIS wrote: »

I think you should know Ive written a mushy goodbye letter/email.....
Its inappropriate right?
Should I send it? Opinions please

My opinion is: NO! Plain and simple, why would you hand your power on a plate to this guy who may not even remember your name?

Write the letter yes . . . then burn it and while it's burning release all your confusion about this guy.

You don't want him, time to find someone you DO want.

LC2010HIS

Im kinda going crazy today dunno why!
I even rang my friend to ask what she thought of me emailing his bestfriend to find out how my ex was... she literally said "what the fúck are you playing at"
Why do I want all this contact all of a sudden? After all these months?
I was ok for months!!!!:mad: Now all of a sudden ...this?

Daisy Steiner

LC2010HIS wrote: »

Im kinda going crazy today dunno why!
I even rang my friend to ask what she thought of me emailing his bestfriend to find out how my ex was... she literally said "what the fúck are you playing at"
Why do I want all this contact all of a sudden? After all these months?
I was ok for months!!!!:mad: Now all of a sudden ...this?

Do you have anything else major on your mind?

Even after all these years I get the urge to text my first love but I've recognised that it's only ever when I have something stressful going on in my own life or sometimes when I've drank too many spirits.

It's different for me in that we are still mates, not besties by any means but always friendly enough for it not to be awkward if/when we meet. We were seeing each other on and off for years so know each other well and also know that it'll never work for us so friends is quite enough.

LC2010HIS

Daisy Steiner wrote: »

Do you have anything else major on your mind?

Even after all these years I get the urge to text my first love but I've recognised that it's only ever when I have something stressful going on in my own life or sometimes when I've drank too many spirits.

It's different for me in that we are still mates, not besties by any means but always friendly enough for it not to be awkward if/when we meet. We were seeing each other on and off for years so know each other well and also know that it'll never work for us so friends is quite enough.

Yeah kinda am repeating the LC :rolleyes:

He doesnt even live in my county anymore......

kjl

OP I mean this in the nicest way possible, but I think its time you went for professional advice.

You are acting like a crazy stalker and you really need to cease and desist before you do something stupid.

You know he is going to hear all about it from his friend, then he is going to link it to the hang up. You will littrally be the laughting stock of him and all his friends for a while.

Guys aren't like girls, the don't hold on to things like this. I went out with this girl for a month once, and we didn't really click and I kinda met someone else while we were dating. I very nicely broke up with the girl, told her I was sorry, but I just wasn't ready to be in a relationship with her. For the next six months she would send me txt's ring me at 4 and 5 in the morning. Leave messages ranging from "I hate you, you s.o.b" to "I'm sorry, i love you, i miss you etc" I used to play the messages to my friends on nights out and everyone thought it was hilarious. We all had a good laugh at her expense.

If you have any resemble of self integrate left, just stop what you are doing and forget about this guy. It was a year ago, get over it already. I hate to be harsh but you are acting like a total lunatic and by doing what you are doing, you are only creating a bad name for yourself.

Zen65

LC2010HIS wrote: »

Im kinda going crazy today dunno why!

Go to bed child, get sleep, and stop this damaging behaviour.

Be at peace,

Z

LC2010HIS

kjl wrote: »

OP I mean this in the nicest way possible, but I think its time you went for professional advice.

You are acting like a crazy stalker and you really need to cease and desist before you do something stupid.

You know he is going to hear all about it from his friend, then he is going to link it to the hang up. You will littrally be the laughting stock of him and all his friends for a while.

Guys aren't like girls, the don't hold on to things like this. I went out with this girl for a month once, and we didn't really click and I kinda met someone else while we were dating. I very nicely broke up with the girl, told her I was sorry, but I just wasn't ready to be in a relationship with her. For the next six months she would send me txt's ring me at 4 and 5 in the morning. Leave messages ranging from "I hate you, you s.o.b" to "I'm sorry, i love you, i miss you etc" I used to play the messages to my friends on nights out and everyone thought it was hilarious. We all had a good laugh at her expense.

If you have any resemble of self integrate left, just stop what you are doing and forget about this guy. It was a year ago, get over it already. I hate to be harsh but you are acting like a total lunatic and by doing what you are doing, you are only creating a bad name for yourself.

Thing is, i dont know how to stop!
I really dont Honestly, I was fine the last few months ...this week, keep thinking of him.....But I dont REALLY want him I want the...attention? Connection?

starlit

Lose all contact with your ex. Its for the best. I know my self I have been in your situation before but the heartbreak didn't last that long only a few months and was well over him within a few weeks! De-clutter him from your life, you will feel so much better. Just forget about him. Plently men out there to choose from. Like I said why not give Guy B a chance could be onto a winner! Or at least move on and get to like another fella please. You feel so much better. No need to wallow over someone who is not going to want you back if he does well it will be a bit fishy! I wouldn't trust him cause he will screw you over again. Stop thinking about him, get interested in something. Avoid him for good and glory you are better off without him. You deserve better than that! You deserve a decent prince charming! I know its company you want but you need to find someone else. Best of luck OP.

Zen65

LC2010HIS wrote: »

But I dont REALLY want him I want the...attention? Connection?

Drama?


One thing at a time.... you're repeating the LC for a reason..... focus on that and stop indulging yourself in this other nonsense. He's moved on, so must you.

Get to bed, you're not thinking straight!


Z

starlit

No mushy email or letter going to help, it will make things worse. I know from experience. Avoid that sort of thing at all costs. Forget about your ex and move on.

LC2010HIS

snuggles285 wrote: »

No mushy email or letter going to help, it will make things worse. I know from experience. Avoid that sort of thing at all costs. Forget about your ex and move on.

Yeah ur prob right...I mean, romance is dead nowadays....its all facebook etc

starlit

LC2010HIS wrote: »

Yeah ur prob right...I mean, romance is dead nowadays....its all facebook etc

Ya but avoid facebook and any social networking sites where you be likely to send him a message. Don't do it! It will all end in tears!

LC2010HIS

snuggles285 wrote: »

Ya but avoid facebook and any social networking sites where you be likely to send him a message. Don't do it! It will all end in tears!

Copy that!
Im a bit calmer now...I dunno why Im even putting him on a pedistool anyway
He was a coward and frankly, a sad excuse for the male species. I know it doesnt seem like it but Im strong and independent! And im no longer gonna degrade myself to make excuses for him!

skooterblue

I know this may sound harsh but its not the end of the world, your life hasnt even begun. In a few years this will all seem like a speed bump. I met my first girl friend she started planning the whole thing out at 21!!! Nothing like that to make a 21 year old guy crap himself and start running.

cut all contact and block him on facebook, Dont hang around his site/message boards and develop a healthy hobby for yourself. A healthy hobby is one that get you out of the house and you have to interact with people. Time is a great healers and if you are busy you dont have time to brood about these things. As far as I know my ex is still single and unmarried. Desperation is like a bad smell, it lingers and the worse you get the more likely you are drive people away. just live your life as an 18 year old should and eventually you will meet some one soon.

metrovelvet

I think you are using him to procrastinate from studying. Get back to work missy!

LC2010HIS

Ya know what, I have spend so long hating on myself.....and Im not gonna do it anymore.
After all, why should I?
He was a coward. He broke up with me over text...
And why am I mad or a lunatic? Because I cannot stand that behaviour. A guy who acts cowardly maddens me SO much.
Im not going to hate myself over this anymore.
Im just that one step closer to meeting a like minded boyfriend...and seeing it this way makes me more at peace with my life and the pathway ahead of me.
So yes, i will go back to the books to better my chances etc cause this emotional turmoil did affect my efforts in my first leaving cert and my life. And its not gonna happen ..ever again..

Thanks guys, for everything.

LC2010HIS

Im so sorry to be bringing this up again.
I still feel strongly about making contact .. Im crying right now cause I dont know where to turn and Im hating myself again because Im being a weakling.
.....what am I gonna do...

Zen65

LC2010HIS wrote: »

.....what am I gonna do...

Just read your own post:

So yes, i will go back to the books to better my chances etc cause this emotional turmoil did affect my efforts in my first leaving cert and my life. And its not gonna happen ..ever again..

Nothing good can come from making contact, except that you will give yourself more reason to hate yourself, and give him more reason to feel smug.

Get back to your studies and focus on what's right for you.


Be at peace,

Z

I am a friend

LC2010HIS wrote: »

Im so sorry to be bringing this up again.
I still feel strongly about making contact .. Im crying right now cause I dont know where to turn and Im hating myself again because Im being a weakling.
.....what am I gonna do...

You are going to realise that this guy has been the pidgeon and you have been the statue i.e. he has been [EMAIL="cr@pping"]cr@pping[/EMAIL] on you and you have been letting him.

Do you not think you deserve better? Go out for a walk and dont bring your phone so you cant text him. He does not deserve the ego boost...

Moomoo1

LC2010HIS wrote: »

I still feel strongly about making contact ..

please don't

from what I've read from you, you got a lot more problems in your life than just that guy... if you sort those out you won't feel so bad about this.

littlefriend

Sleep on it. Remember the last time when you felt like this - the next day you were glad you hadn't given in to yourself and you were a lot more positive.