what do you do if you know a guy in your club is a wife beater

Tengu

I've just been confided in by a close friend who's husband has assaulted her, to make matters more complicated this man is in the same martial arts club as myself, I've had suspicions about him for some time, not only did he beat her up she has told me he is teaching their 3 year old child how to do killing techniques like strangles, chokes and punches to vital areas and she has been hurt on several occasions from unexpected blows from her own child, from the legal side of things I shall see to it that my friend is well equipped to carry out any action she deems fit to deal with her husband but the child's safety and welfare is more complex, should I approach my instructor about this man or am I overstepping the mark?

listermint

Send her to the Guards. Also forward details on womens advice bureau

rom

listermint wrote: »

Send her to the Guards. Also forward details on womens advice bureau

i'd say reverse the order of those two. the latter would give better advice to start with.

Dave Joyce

Just going by the title of the thread and perhaps change it slightly, eg, what do you do if you know a guy in your club is beating the crap out of PEOPLE. I would presume you would immediately let your/the chief instructor of the situation, so why would this be ANY different?? I've lost count of the amount of times I've been informed of situations belatedly in my own club because people were hesitant to let me know. And even worse are the people who THEN say, oh yea I KNEW that was happening......but of course didn't bother to say anything.

I would of course follow the advice offered above BUT these things can take time so I would inform your instructor in confidence IMMEDIATELY!

arybvtcw0eolkf

OP, such is the seriousness of the situation you find yourself in that I sought the advice from the person I trust most on boards re. this stuff and have moved your thread to 'Personall Issues'.

Nothing wrong with the advice you'll get from the M.A. lads, but some of the posters here are better placed to help you and the lady.

Kind regards.

Beruthiel

Tengu wrote: »

I've just been confided in by a close friend who's husband has assaulted her, to make matters more complicated this man is in the same martial arts club as myself

Under no circumstances should you approach him on this. He would only take it out on his family, so do not discuss it with the instructor or anyone else just yet.
As suggested above, get her to talk to someone who can help.
Advise her that she needs to get away from this man before he does permanent damage to her and her child.
Hopefully she will have the strength to report him to the Garda and get a restraining order in place.

kylith

AFAIK you can report this directly to the Gardaí yourself.

Beruthiel

kylith wrote: »

AFAIK you can report this directly to the Gardaí yourself.

I would not do that.
The woman in this situation needs to decide when this should be done. Pushing her to do it before she's ready could cause all sorts of problems for her and her child.
Before anything is done, she needs to organise getting to safety.

seamus

Beruthiel wrote: »

Before anything is done, she needs to organise getting to safety.

+1000

Once she is safe, then approaching your instructor is normally the correct thing to do. Most (all?) formal martial arts include the application of various tenats and non-violence principles, so it is in the interests of the club to dismiss and ban anyone in violation of these principles.

Be wary of defamation. If this person's wife does not take any action and does not back up your story, then speaking to the instructor could result in you being taken to court and sued for a large amount of money.

Nevyn

The lady and her child need to be made safe to start with and she has to want this.
I would suggest encouraging her to contact women's aid.

Contact us
For information and support about domestic violence:
Women's Aid National Freephone Helpline: 1800 341 900

Open 10am to 10pm, 7 days a week, Except Christmas Day
Email: helpline@womensaid.ie

And her local socail workers, who she will find in her local health clinic
http://www.hse.ie/eng/services/maps/map.html?showDoc=1&

She has to be ready to do this as tipping her hand to him may result in her being put in a dangerous situation.

Encourage her to talk to friends and family so she has support and hopefully some where to go to if she needs it.

I understand your distaste and frustration at seeing him train when he is abusing what he is teaching and seems to have no honour but you have to put that aside for now and once she has started a course of action and and if the garda get involved they may choose to come talk to the owner/instructor of the club.

Chicago Chick

Agree with the posters above who have said it is important for her to find a safe place before doing anything else. Do you know if she has confided in any family members or if she wants to leave her husband? I know if it was me I would be running for the door but I did not notice you mention (sorry if I missed it) that she was planning/wants to leave her husband which is a big issue?

LegacyUser

She might not undertand the damage it is doing to her and her child as she is in the middle of it. Many people that are abused within their family are so conditioned and brainwashed into thinking it is their own fault and that they are provoking it. The women's aid centre can tell her all about this and make her understand her own situation from a wider perspective- tell her she should contact them even if she is not planning to leave her husband, she can be anonymous and the first step is only to talk to them, then it is up to her what choices she will make.


The reason she has confided in you makes you take on a huge responsibilty, whether you want it or not. She may have only confided in you...

Great job for taking this issue so seriously and carefully consider your options. The most important thing is: keep talking to her, keep telling her to contact women's aid- if only just to discuss the violence anonymously- and keep telling her she needs to protect her child from the culture of violence that this man is instilling into his little world. Tell her how sick it is and that it constitutes child abuse, she may not be able to see this as she also a victim of the violence herself and may have lost all of her abilty to differentiate right from wrong if she has been brainwashed into believing she deserves it- and now she also deserves it from her child. So sick....

CDfm

+1 with everything here especially what Thaedydal & Beruthiel have said.

No one has the right,either man or woman, to use physical violence on another .

You do not know the whole story so going to the club is wrong and she should report any assaults to the guards asap.