Extremely confused, what the hell am I!

LegacyUser

Ok, I feel a little weird talking about this, but I think/supect/know I am bi, but I likle girls more sometimes and like guys sometimes more if that makes sense. I came out when i was in 5th year at the age of 16, i didnt know what i was at the time but the fella I was fooling around with told a lot of people in my town what we were doing whixh got back to his aunty who was my mams best friend and my mam asked me out straight about it which was not on and I am still fairly pissed at him for outing me! So after that I started going out on the the scene, George at the time, still seeing this guy and heading out with him... I stopped going on the scene every weekend by the time i was 21/22 as i found it rubbish and was still fighting with my bisexuality. Then at 23 I met a guy and we went out for 4 years, I didnt think about my bisexuality much until the last year in the relationship when I really wanted to be with a girl but had lost all my confidence over the years and the only way I could be with a girl was to be with a prostuate, I was with her, was great, I enjoyed it and I moved on from that, a year later I broke up with the guy I was seeing due to my head being recked with this bisexuality buisness and not knowing what I wanted and still dont, he still to this day thinks I'm gay and doesnt beleive in bisexuality (bha!) I never told him about the prostatue, (i used a condom with her, I always use a condom before anyones says anything and i get checked in the gmhc every few months).
So its 3 years since that break up and I am still extremely confused about my sexuality, I'm 29 now, been out 13 years and wish I was either gay or straight, but being bi is always in the back of my mind, I really dont want a girlfriend, I want a boyfriend but i feel if i get into a relationship i'll want to be with a girl again.
AHHH I'm extreamly confused here! I would really like some advice besides going to belongto or anything like that because as I said I dont have much confidence at all and i am a little paro about talking about it. My brother said to me a while ago, maybe 2/3 years ago he thinks I am bi, and even though he has said that to me (we are pretty close) i really dont want to talk about it to him.

I am finding it really hard to get all my thoughts and feelings out here in the right words on here, with some push and advice maybe I can expand on this with you all.


Thanks for reading this long winded txt!

Dwn Wth Vwls

Well, you sound bi to me. You like guys, you like girls, it fluctuates a bit, but there it is. The circumstances of your life have led you down one path, and it's what you're used to, but it's certainly not too late to adjust the way you think.

Being bi will always be confusing I think, there's always a certain back and forth. Yes it might be easier to be straight or gay instead, but focus on the positive side and enjoy it. I think perhaps a relationship with a girl, however short a time it may last, would help clear your head. It's far easier to think of "people you're attracted to and people you're not attracted to" instead of creating this division between genders, where by having one you're missing out on the other.

Don't think of it as "I'm with a guy but I wish I was with a girl", rather "I'm with someone I'm like, so I won't be with anyone else".

Are you really confused about it, or are you just struggling to accept that your sexuality is fluid? Expecting it to settle down and stay exactly the same...

Eebs

DWV has pretty much summed it up.

I'll just add that I think gender is a bit overrated. I've met guys that I think of more as women, women I think of more as guys and people whos gender would never even register with me. Sometimes gender seems important, sometimes it's not.

Try embrace this for yourself. Once you accept that you like girls and guys it might become less taboo and hence you'll crave it less.

Extremely_Confused

Extremely_Confused wrote: »

So its 3 years since that break up and I am still extremely confused about my sexuality, I'm 29 now, been out 13 years and wish I was either gay or straight, but being bi is always in the back of my mind, I really dont want a girlfriend, I want a boyfriend but i feel if i get into a relationship i'll want to be with a girl again.

I am not sure why you expect being straight or gay to be any easier or why you feel so pressured to be one of the other. It is just as possible as a straight or gay person to be with someone and then find you want to be with someone else. It happens to us all.

Regardless of your sexuality we all have the same challenge, to find the person or in some cases people that you want to be with to the exclusion of all others. Even when you find that person you can expect to, in the course of your life, meet other people who make you feel “Wow I would so love to be with that person” but you do not because the worth of the relationship you are in usurps that desire.

Put another way, what each of us is seeking is the relationship we want to commit to not just the person. When you find someone it is not that person you are committing to really, but the relationship you have together that you are committing to and that is what you have to find, regardless of whether you are going to be with a girl or a guy or both as your chosen partner(s).

My own background should it add any weight to what I am saying is that I currently live with 2 girls. Neither of them is bi per se except that they are with each other and we are in a relationship together. We have committed to the relationship itself, not just each other, and we stand by it and hope we always will. There is a child in it now too and we have never been happier.

To put it more tounge in cheek, I often joke that every person on the planet is bi. If they think they are gay or straight this is simply because they havent met the guy/girl for them yet.

Do we in that relationship ever meet other people that make us think “Wow, being with him/her would probably be really great”. I am sure we do, quite frequently. I have never met a single person who ha snot thought this way sometime or other, regardless of their sexuality or who they are in a relationship with.

Hope this helps.

bodice ripper

op - here's your sister.

I am your age, I have been in a long term relationship with another woman since I was a teenager. everyone assumes I am gay, despite my protestations to the contrary. I my girlfriend is without a doubt the love of my life. But that doesn't change the fact the I I am deeply and distractlingly attracted to men. I have never been able to subscribe to the idea that if I love her, that will simply be enough. It won't, not for me. I will always have wandering eyes and whistful moments. What can I do, really?

Chuchoter

I know this sounds pathetic, but stop thinking about labels because they simply don't work. I would class myself as a lesbian, and I would sometimes class myself as a boy as well, so what the hell does that make me? I have simply given up trying to find a proper word and have sided with the one that works 85% of the time and thats really the best you can do. Sexuality is not as easy as gay bi straight, or even degrees of bi, gay and straight. Go out with people you like. Don't go out with people you don't like.

HOWEVER, I think your search for a label seems to stem from something other than just being bi. I don't want this to come across as I don't believe bisexuality exists, you could be bi, but you say you only like girls when you are in a relationship with a man. You also had a really tough coming out because you were outed. Is it possible that you are trying to escape the reality of being gay because that wouldn't wash with your parents/your idea of being their son? Considering this is still bothering you like 13 years down the line, I would consider going to talk to someone. Something else sounds like it could be at play. I could be entirely wrong about you, please correct me if I am

electrobi

I totally agree with Crayolastereo. Even if my name is electroBI...it's only because I stole it from The Mighty Boosh, but didn't want to be electroBOY because it might make people assume my penis is real

I'm bi-everything because anything's possible