No going back??

whitehallp

hello there
Well this is a bit of an up in the air story. Broke up with ex after 15 yrs last yr - various reasons, he only had two hobbies drinking and womansing - which he was very good at hiding and in fairness did not get bad until 2yrs before split. He had another girlfriend by then and I found out. Also he was dreadful to me, not violent but agressive and mentally torturing. Fortunately I have a fair amount of spirit and never really believed any of the accusations he threw at me tho they did rattle me. So anyway , it was incredibly painful, I got on with it (we had broken up once before so i figured this time its for keeps). I got happy:), amazing after about 4 or 5 mths, think i was actually exhausted from dealing with him and found my new life far more pleasurable. Then I met another guy, one problem younger than me by about 8 yrs but completely lovely, that was fine just slowly lightgheartedly moving along until about 6 mths ago when the ex decided to get in touch after about 8mths, being miserable and sending me texts i didnt answer couple ph calls i did trying to be amicable as we had such a big history. Anyway, upshot is it must have sparked off a depression in back of my mind as I started acting out with new boy when he was very straight with me , then became clingy , then well he didnt know what to do and became scared for me - think he is a bit nice naive and didnt know what to do. we parted on OK if strange terms as I was also suffering anxiety and having painful memories of incidents and all the fighting which was intense from yr before so i suppose i was having the classic anxiety depression thing but didnt want to admit it so stayed out of boys way was moody and uncommunicative, not at all like the girl he had started seeing.
Anyway my question is, I've got a lot better over the last 4 mths since i've seen him, i knew i couldnt do anything while in that frame of mind and am almost back to my usual happy self - felt very guilty about all of that, but I still think of new boy every day and was wondering should I contact and explain that I was depressed and see if hed like to see me again. Whe we got on it was incredible, I felt far happier in his company right from that start than I think I ever remember doing with my ex and he was incredibly good to me when he realised something was up but what could he do, I had to get on with it myself? So what does anyone think, lost cause or take a chance?

Beruthiel

If you are sure that you are now ready for a new relationship, call him up and ask if he'd like to meet up.

sbsquarepants

Nothing ventured nothing gained! Ring him up and test the water, but make sure you're prepared for if he says no, don't be relying on a yes or anything like that. You're dong fine now, getting your act together, don't allow anyone to derail that, either the new guy or your ex. Best of luck!!

whitehallp

Hi there

Thanks for the replies That's heartening that maybe I havent completely blown it if theres an opinion I could call up. Anyway, thats right sbsquarepants, I have come a long way and know that I really dont want to be set back so I'm scared I'll get a bit down if i message him and theres no reply. He's a bit of the quiet type in a way so its possible he'd do that. I might even leave it for another few weeks and maybe I wont want to.
Any ideas on how to message, I mean should I apologise and say I was in a bit of off form at the time, or dont say anything about it and just say Hello?

Katgurl

Hi OP,

I would either send him a quick mail or leave him a voicemail saying something like "hi its whitehallp here. I know this is a bit out of the blue but i've been thinking recently about the way things ended between us & wanted to apologize for my behaviour. In hindsight I was more down at the time than I realised. I'd love to go for a coffee or a drink with you if you're interested. If not, I completely understand & I hope things are great with you."

Whether or not he replies, you'll feel better yourself for having apologised, well I always do anyway.

Best case scenario - he replies, you meet & get back together or at least clear the air. Worst case scenario - you know you've done the right thing & taken responsibilty for your actions.

whitehallp

Thanks Katgurl, that seems like a good wayto do it. I am being a bit sheepish though as I dont know if it is too soon, and out of the blue might be a bit much. o be honest am chickening out again and thinking of waiting until Christmas so at least I'll have an excuse Happy Christmas etc, but maybe thats just strange. Oscillating between just leaving it or sending a message this week also - why does your head go roud in circles . Also he hasnt contacted me at all so reckon hes moved on???