Will it ever change.

LegacyUser

My brother and I are very close in age and grew up together. Within the past few years he went through a bad patch regarding employment and I guess he was feeling down in himself. He took it out on me. His attitude, treatment and behaviour towards me was outrageous and at times we have had some very heated arguements. During these arguements when he was raging all sorts I found he holds an awful lot of grudges against me over matters that are absolutely stupid and dating years. I tried to put things right but it was no good. He hasn't spoken to me in over two years and completely ignores me. Things have surfaced again. I thought by giving a little space things might change and off I went to oz for a year. Came home recently. Although he is retraining now he hasn't changed in his pig ignorant ways and is still the same. It seems as if he enjoys this kind of torment.

Ickle Magoo

Have you anyone who could act as mediator if you set up some kind of meeting to get these issues out the way? Even request that he attend some kind of family counselling with you?

If he won't meet you half way then I don't think there is anything you can do bar letting him know where you are if he changes his mind.

All the best.

Oryx

All you can do is keep the door open to him, and dont resent his behaviour yourself. I dont see anything to be gained by hating him in return, that only hurts you, really. Just try not to let his behaviour hurt you, understanding what is driving him to lash out at you can help. You already know his behaviour is unjustified and is because he is not seeing you as you really are, but in some warped way based on his own resentment.

You cant change him, all you can do is live your own life, and accept him with forgiveness if he does change. It doesnt always happen, but it can.

LegacyUser

I don't think he will cooperate regarding counselling. I really thought going abroad and giving space would help. Im thinking things will never change now between us and lately I have been thinking he is not worthy of any respect from me and I have started to take things that he owns and sell them for cash. I suppose trying to hurt him to some degree and the only way I know how is by stealing his belongings and selling them.

Ickle Magoo

It's hardly surprising that your brother doesn't want anything to do with you if you are stealing his belongings and selling them for cash. Surely that's just going to give him reason to dislike and resent you rather that trigger any kind of reconciliation?

darad

Revenge is not good op and wont make you feel any better in the long run. If you feel youve given all you have to give to the relationship remove yourself from his company and surroundings. Try to move on and leave him to it.