Sex is not 'intimate'

LegacyUser

Hi guys,

I met this great girl a few months back (me 22, her 25) and we started hooking up about a week ago. I really like her and she feels the same. I've had 3 girlfriends but have only had sex with one (which only lasted two weeks - though I have done everything but actual intercourse with all three).

I've always been insecure about my penis size and had a lot of weird feelings about sex and girls in general. On the other hand she's very comfortable with sex and has slept with quite a few people.

The trouble is that when we have sex it's very much like a professional porno (sorry it's the only way I can describe it) rather than being 'intimate' the way it was with other girls. With her it feels a bit empty and lacking intimacy.

Afterwards I start to feel guilty almost, as if I've done something wrong. We have a really strong connection when we're not getting down to it, but it's as if she switches that off when sex begins. This is becoming a really big deal to me and I found myself not wanting to see her today because of it.

I suppose I just wanted to get that out of me but I would appreciate input from anyone.

LegacyUser

Make her cum well before you do. She'll be more receptive to cuddly sex after she cums.

LighterGuy

Sex is more intimate when feelings have delveloped, op :P

Every relationship on the planet is exactly the same. Sex at the start is completely different to sex 6 months in. Sex after a year is different to 6 months etc etc.

Just the way things work

Have you tried to make talking part of the foreplay? Intimacy in sex often comes from pushing the boundaries of what you feel comfortable with.

By this I do not mean do thinks you are not into, I mean do things that you can only do with your partner. If “whipping it out” and acting like a porn movie comes so easy then there is little room for intimacy there.

But talking during sex is one of the hardest things to do for a lot of people, they feel more vulnerable and being vulnerable but trusting of the one you are with is one great source of intimacy.

So next time instead of just “doing the deed” as it were, go slowly and talk to her about what you are doing and why you like it and how it feels to you and ask her how it feels for her and what she likes and why.

Communication during sex is where most of the intimacy comes from. If you are both switching off and acting out a porn movie then it will never come.

As for the concern over penis size you mentioned, I would just link to another post I made which you should read here...

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=68228855&postcount=17

.... but you should read the entire thread it is on.

magneticimpulse

slammer wrote: »

Make her cum well before you do. She'll be more receptive to cuddly sex after she cums.

Sorry I dont understand your comment. For me, if a guy actually manages to make me cum...there is no waiting around for him to cum...i just want to go to sleep...ie no cuddly sex after or cum for him...

As in, ive been satisfied...and all my hormones switch off instantly and my body just switches off and wants to go fast asleep. Plus im too sensitive to do anything else if i wanted to. So girls are pretty much like guys after a "real" orgasm...and we dont have energy or motivation to continue after climax

LegacyUser

Make her cum well before you do. She'll be more receptive to cuddly sex after she cums.

For me, if a guy actually manages to make me cum...there is no waiting around for him to cum...i just want to go to sleep...ie no cuddly sex after or cum for him...

hmmm not sure if i agree with either of these statements...i also get sleepy after coming and have no real desire to keep having sex, i like cuddling but not cuddly sex after. But i'd never be selfish enough to literally roll over and fall asleep, i'd still finish him off, fairs fair.

when we have sex it's very much like a professional porno (sorry it's the only way I can describe it) rather than being 'intimate' the way it was with other girls. With her it feels a bit empty and lacking intimacy.

it's as if she switches that off when sex begins

On the other hand she's very comfortable with sex and has slept with quite a few people.

Maybe shes not as comfortable as you think OP? I can kind of relate to the switching off during sex thing because once upon a time i was very self concious about my body and the only way i could over come this was like i don't know, to pretend that i was a self confident sex goddess, lol a sort of false confidence... because at the time i thought thats what men wanted, older and wiser now thankfully, but maybe shes just trying to hide her insecurities a little too well?

Maybe take time to step back a bit with her op, maybe have a few nights where its just foreplay, no penetration, talk to her, tell her how you feel, reassure her and tell her how gorgeous she is or whatever..

I've always been insecure about my penis size

OP the best lover i've had was the one who had the smallest penis, because he made up for it in other ways he was really unselfish, and made sure sex was about both of us enjoying ourselves, not just penetration. He was also really open about sex, told me exactly what he liked/ how to do it and asked me to tell/ show him what got me off. In my humble opinion sex is about communication, intimacy and honesty, at the end of the day penis size is pretty irrelevant. OP most women if they really want sex can score any guy in a night club, theres a reason we don't (apart from ONS's)... because as has been said and as cliched as it sounds, its the person we're having sex with that counts not the penis hes attached to

La frog fairy

talk-talk-2 wrote: »

In my humble opinion sex is about communication, intimacy and honesty, at the end of the day penis size is pretty irrelevant. OP most women if they really want sex can score any guy in a night club, theres a reason we don't (apart from ONS's)... because as has been said and as cliched as it sounds, its the person we're having sex with that counts not the penis hes attached to

+1! my thought exactly and it gets better when you develop stronger feelings for the person.

Elle Collins

magneticimpulse wrote: »

So girls are pretty much like guys after a "real" orgasm...and we dont have energy or motivation to continue after climax

You can speak for yourself on that one. Some of us manage to have multiples, thank God!

magneticimpulse

Elle Collins wrote: »

You can speak for yourself on that one. Some of us manage to have multiples, thank God!

dont worry i can have 35 + orgasms in one afternoon...