My soon to be ex husabnd and inlaws

pinkpigs

I just spent the weekend with my soon to be ex husband ( seperated a year ago) and his family at his brothers wedding and baby's christening.

I've been getting a lot of comments of people can't seem to get their head around that fact that a year later I am still just as close to him and his family as ever. I know that I am the exception and most in this situation drop contact but one particular firiend is always badgering on that I'll never fully get on with my own life with them in and that I should cut ties.

Just wondering if you can have it both ways. Can I still have my ex and his family in my life and move on with my own. I know things will go down hill once he mets someone, that's expected... just wondering what you think??

All thoughts welcome.

P.P.

Wisco

I think you're pretty lucky if you're getting divorced but can still be on speaking terms with him and his family- I know I'd run a mile to avoid mine. Yes, when he (or you) meet someone new, I'm sure things will change, but if you two have an amicable separation, there's nothing wrong with that! Better than being terrified of seeing him anyway.

Xiney

Since this thread is looking for advice on your specific situation I'm moving it here

seenitall

I can reply by telling you of my own experience with my ex and ex-in-laws, OP.

We are and have been friendly almost since the actual time of separation. I got pretty unceremoniously dumped by my ex, but I wasn't entirely blameless in the split either, so it was kind of even-stevens emotionally when it came to the split. Which in a warped way established a level playing field right from the start of the separation, or at least as soon as the actual shock of separation subsided. So the situation turned out to be actually rather sound, which is of course of paramount importance if you have children (we have one).

We are now friendly enough, and even when I see his parents, it's all very friendly and even happy! They are mostly interested in spending time with their grandchild, and I am interested in her having a good relationship with both her dad and her grandparents, so everyone is singing from the same hymn-sheet.

The ex and myself still have an odd row over what-have-you, but honestly I consider him to be one of my friends at this point, although not a particularly close one. The key to all this, I think, is that we have both truly moved on emotionally a long time ago. He has a new girlfriend since recently and with her arrival on the scene, I have found that actually not much has changed at all! Another small surprise.

I know that I am lucky in a way, with the way things have gone, but then again I would feel much more lucky if I had happened to marry the right guy for me in the first place!

So, OP, things don't need to go downhill with the arrival of a new partner on the scene. But both people concerned need to be mature enough to be putting the needs of children before anything else, and they both have to be their own people enough so that a new love can't side-track them from their responsibilities as parents.

P.S. Oh yes, and you are welcome to show that friend of yours my post as an example of people moving on, still being friendly and the sky not having fallen in!

BettePorter

pinkpigs wrote: »

I just spent the weekend with my soon to be ex husband ( seperated a year ago) and his family at his brothers wedding and baby's christening.

I've been getting a lot of comments of people can't seem to get their head around that fact that a year later I am still just as close to him and his family as ever. I know that I am the exception and most in this situation drop contact but one particular firiend is always badgering on that I'll never fully get on with my own life with them in and that I should cut ties.

Just wondering if you can have it both ways. Can I still have my ex and his family in my life and move on with my own. I know things will go down hill once he mets someone, that's expected... just wondering what you think??

All thoughts welcome.

P.P.

Reading between the lines of your post, my answer to your bolded question would have to be a big fat no.

if you're just as 'close as you've ever been' why get divorced. IMO exe's are exe's for a reason and if one or other of the couple still has feelings for the other and is willing to get themselves into a 'friends with benefits' scenario then it's destined for disaster. (not that i'm saying you're doing so, but.....)
I think it's telling that you said 'I know things will go down hill once he mets someone, that's expected..'.... Why didn't you mention YOU meeting someone?

i get the impression the question you re asking is different than the one you've asked if you know what i mean !

Given that no kids are involved , you have the best opportunity to move on and meet someone new.

CDfm

If and when you either or both of you get new partners then they will also have a say. So in the long term no -it will probably fizzle out and you all will become strangers.

I am a friend

Yes and well done for doing it. A friend of mine is managing the same and thats without kids... Of course it is unless they have done something awful to you. I go out with people because I like them so unless they treat me like a dog, I should still like them after its over.... Its common sense.

How Strange

My oh's parents are divorced a long time. Both have long term partners but they are very amicable; in fact I would say they are friends. Sometimes even my oh wonders why they divorced. They are both still friendly with the ex in laws. I don't know if it was so amicable at first but my oh definitely appreciates that we can have family ocassions without the stress of managing the divorced parents.

So to answer your question I
think yes it is possible in certain circumstances and fair play to you if you can maintain it as your child will appreciate it as he/she gets older.

dudara

It's not really surprising. You got married in the first place because you liked each other. For whatever reason, the marriage ended, but that doesn't mean that the liking still ends (as friends).

TBH - assuming that all feelings are platonic at this stage, this is a very mature approach to the end of a relationship. One form of the relationship ended, and another form of the relationship took its place.

whitehallp

If you can do that fair play to you. Don't overthink it. if you are both respectful to each other I'm sure it will be fine even with the arrival of other people on the scene. And if not you can re-assess at that point. Do whatever makes YOU feel happy and dont listen to anyone else. Neither of you are doing any harm to anyone and well theres enough fighting and bad blood between exes so its refreshing to see where people can get past it. Sometimes it is just not possible, like in the case of me and my ex, I really cannot have anything to do with him as he just wont let go of things and can be manipulative. Though it is a shame as we were very good company to each other in the past. As long as you know that he is keeping a respectful distance from your personal life and treats you in the same or close to the same way he would treat any friend you have nothing to worry about. If you were still for example dependent on his approval for certain things or take his opinions on what you do/don't do to heart (and vice versa with him) that would be a different story. Best of luck:)