Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Dating the perfect woman - but she doesnt turn me on

  • 10-10-2010 11:34pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Theres often some very sound rational advice on this forum, and I dont feel comfortable discussing this with any of my friends.

    Basically, I'm dating a girl who ticks all my boxes; smart, fun, gets my quirks, beautiful - but despite this I'm thinking of breaking up with her.

    I dont find her sexy (though she is gorgeous). I'm never in the mood for sex when I'm with her. Its not a question of impotence, we do have sex, but Im mostly just going through the motions.

    She's very shy, so I'm always the one to initiate it, but to be perfectly honest I only do it because it seems like the natural conclusion to an evening.


    I'm unsure what to do. I've had my share of relationships, but this girl is quite obviously the greatest catch of them all. I love spending time with her, but how can I carry on in a relationship where I'm not feeling the spark?

    I think if I was to tell her what Im thinking it would upset her no end. And I think if I stopped sleeping with her she'd probably get suspicious or hurt.

    Thoughts?


Comments

  • #2
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,217 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Was in similar once before. She ticked all the boxes. She could have raised the dead by just looking at her, but for me? Little or nothing. It really freaked me out at the time. Intellectually I was on boards, but my bod said no. At some level we were just not compatible as lovers. Luckily in my case we spotted this together. In your case? Hard one. You're torn between "jesus how did I get her" and "I get nada from this". I'd go with the latter instinct myself. Its not fair to her and its not fair to you either. I'd move on.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Been there OP, well in my case i was the girl dating a really nice guy, found him attractive, but no spark. Loved hanging around him, we got on like a house on fire, couldn't understand how i could enjoy his company so much, found him attractive but not want to pounce on him, it slowly dawned on me that it was like hanging around with my best friend, i guess in my case because i hadn't know him as a friend before we started dating, we got to know each other through dating, that i mistook a great friendship for something else.

    Its just one of those really bloody annoying things in life op, when biology just takes over, if theres no spark theres no spark, its not logical its just biology i'm afraid.
    I think if I was to tell her what Im thinking it would upset her no end.
    She's very shy, so I'm always the one to initiate it
    Do you know what OP, you might be surprised she may feel exactly the same way especially if shes not initiating sex (i'm a shy gal myself, but if you really want to rip someones clothes off shyness generally gets forgotten ;) ) In my case i was dreading telling the guy, but it turns out he felt exactly the same way but didn't want to hurt me either by telling me! 8 months on and hes a really good friend of mine!

    Now i'm not saying that you're gona have a happy ending, but honesty is the best here, having a spark is one of the most fundamental parts of a relationship, there is just no point dragging out the relationship if the sparks not there, lifes too short. Sex should be fun and enjoyable not "the natural conclusion to an evening".

    I think she deserves to know the truth though if you do break up with her otherwise she'll be left thinking it was something she did.


Advertisement