Sick of being alone esp after meeting lovely man

LegacyUser

Hi
I want to get this off my chest because I haven't anyone to talk to.
I am 26 and I'm back in college. I have a hectic social life, always going out. Thing is I'm always doing student stuff, with 18 and 19 year olds (who I absolutely love, great crack), I can't meet people my own age easily. Most fellas I meet out are too young, drunk and after the ride tbh!
I've been out of a relationship for over a year and until recently I have loved it. I feel so alone now. I miss the intimacy and familiarity etc of being with someone. My friend met her boyfriend in Coppers of all places but I can't meet anyone anywhere!
A few weeks back I met a lovely fella out. He was lovely & even my friends said he was great. He was there with his friend & his friend told me on the side that this fella was more or less a womaniser. He didn't seem like it at all. He walked me home, wanted to stay with me but I said no. We met up the next night & he said he admired me for saying no. We'd a great night. I let him stay with me the 2nd night, we just cuddled, didn't do anything although he wanted to. He's 23. He's gotten under my skin already, and I know it's probably because I'm not meeting anyone but I don't know my point really, I suppose I feel so so alone behind it all. I could just cry, I feel like a little fish in a huge pond

War Machine 539

Know that feeling. Hang in there, stop trying to meet someone too! It generally just happens! Im sure something will fall into your lap! Hope this helps!

Labs

Hi I know how you feel too, kinda in the same place myself, same age and wondering if im ever going to meet someone to share my life with and have all the good intimacy stuff my friends have...

Its really scary but my advice for you would be to take it easy with the guy you just met because it sounds like you could be easily hurt right now. Not saying brush him off but maybe give it a month of daytime dates and just doing the getting to know you crap before you have anymore sleepovers. What his friend said may not be a 100% true but its way better finding out before you dive in to bed then after.

Also when your worried, do something nice for yourself, a little treat to get your mind off guys for a bit and give yourself a boost

LegacyUser

better to feel alone than feel used by a womaniser

Benincasa

daisyduke33 wrote: »

Hi
We met up the next night & he said he admired me for saying no.

He admired you for saying no.

Think about that. What does this say about him???

He admires you for saying no to sex with a random stranger. But he himself wanted sex with a random stranger i.e. you. Does this mean that he doesn't admire himself? Does it mean that he regularly sleeps with strangers that he doesn't admire?

Is this not an incredible double standard? To use his mindset, he viewed you as less than admirable, and wanted to sleep with you nonetheless, the first night he met you.

It looks to me now as if he now really wants what he can't have...

I may be wrong, I may be judging him unfairly, but look: even his friend told you he was a womaniser. If he hurts you, you will feel even worse than you do now.

There are lots of nice guys out there. Join a club or get involved in a sport or even help out with a charity as a volunteer. In fact, helping others is one of the ways of feeling better about yourself and overcoming loneliness. You meet lots of nice guys that way much easier than you ever will in Coppers...

magneticimpulse

daisyduke33 wrote: »

Hi
He didn't seem like it at all. He walked me home, wanted to stay with me but I said no. We met up the next night & he said he admired me for saying no. We'd a great night. I let him stay with me the 2nd night, we just cuddled, didn't do anything although he wanted to.

Oh no, you didnt fall for that old chestnut did you!!! He prob is used to easy girls and you must have damaged his confidence a little bit...so instead of being negative about it...he decided to turn it around and flirt with you "i admire you by having self control and not sleeping with me"

What happened? he stayed at yours the 2nd night, result, goal, get in there.

Been there, done it, seen it many times, he is good at getting chicks (like he got tips from the Navy)

Sorry if his friends have to warn women that he is a womaniser...it doesnt say much about him.

Hey you might be lucky, you might even date a guy like him...but I can say 100% that he is the type to pull lots of girls behind someones back...this type of line is a classic line used by all guys who shag women and have no real interest in them as a person. Its the most insulting line to ever use on a woman!!! He didnt compliment on how pretty you were, your perfum, your eyes etc..no his only impression was that "oh your not such a easy as he originally thought, just gives him a slight more challenge and confidence boost"

Please dont ever fall for that line again, if you ever hear it again, run fast away from the guy, it screams womaniser all over it. (Sorry but i think you deserve better)

Oh and he was not lovely at all...that comment has sleazy wrote all over it...i cringe because i was stupid enough to fall for that line and honestly it didnt turn out pretty at all. Please dont call these guys "lovely". Lovely guys give better compliments on 1st impression, he gave you an insult!!!

Benincasa

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Lovely guys give better compliments on 1st impression, he gave you an insult!!!

+1

If he tells you that he respects you for saying no, really he is telling you that he didn't respect you on either the first or the second night (when you thought he was lovely and cuddly) because he assumed you would sleep wth him! It's a great mind game that works so long as you don't think about how wapred his "logic" is.

Look, if you really like him, fine, date him for a while, but test him. Tell him that you won't be ready for sex for several months (tell him that even if you don't mean it). See how long he sticks around.

I'd happily be proven wrong, but I don't think I will be.

There are nice guys out there; go find a decent one. It will be worth the wait, and it's better than being used.

magneticimpulse

I just have visions of this guy: Works in "Top Gun", rides a motorcycle...thinks he's cool and lives in mutiple cities in Ireland...so he can have mutiple girlfriends at one time.

Yep stupidly fell for the "oh i admire you didnt sleep with me on 1st date line"

Still cringing.

Please OP actually meet a nice guy and dont fall for these sleazy insulting lines.

Zen65

daisyduke33 wrote: »

He's gotten under my skin already, and I know it's probably because I'm not meeting anyone but I don't know my point really, I suppose I feel so so alone behind it all. I could just cry, I feel like a little fish in a huge pond

You are, as are we all. The joy of our situation is that the pond is full of other fish. Some are good company, and can make us happy, others care only to make themselves happy. The worst way to feel about yourself in the pond is that you have met someone who does not really care for you, but you are so lonely that you chose to offer yourself as company to them anyway.

This man is not really good for you at any level, but he has briefly reminded you of the joy that can be found in good company. If you leave now, and find somebody else, it is likely to be a better relationship. If you stay he will (probably) use you and move on. He has made it clear by his words that he is a "player"!

Of course you feel life is passing you by, and the disconnect from the young students around you exaggerates that feeling. But you are young, and have yet to experience your happiest days.

College is a great place to meet a partner but much more difficult if you are older than your peers. Enjoy the time in college for what it is, but you would find it easier to meet people with whom you share more in common in clubs and societies outside of the college (drama societies, gym clubs, salsa dance etc) Don't always be on the lookout though ... the best relationships grab you when you weren't expecting it.


Be at peace,

Z

JimmyCrackCorn

Its par for the course for dating at least in my limited experience.

Over the last six months iv been trying to meet someone myself and have had three non runners. Some of the stories went so wrong they are barely believable.

It happens just don't be tempted to try and make a bad relationship from the start work.

With time it will work out.

LegacyUser

JimmyCrackCorn wrote: »

It happens just don't be tempted to try and make a bad relationship from the start work.

Agree totally. The rose coloured glasses come on, we mis-interpret insults ('He/She didn't really mean that' or 'They were only joking'). Listen to your gut and take your time. If this man is really for you, you'll have the rest of your life to get to know him. Why shoehorn all that excitement of meeting somebody new into a few weeks?
Keep doing your own hobbies, have some 'me' time. Remember that if it doesn't work out, and you've lost contact with friends, or if you forget about your hobbies, it'll be much harder to get over the break up because you'll have nothing else to focus on.

And finally, I read this somewhere else and thought it was good advice-meeting someone isn't something you 'do' (as in like doing a hobby), it's something that happens while you're doing something else (usually something you love to do).