help - i feel like i'm becoming a bridzilla!

peggie

i'm writing here rather than sending a nasty email as i'm fuming even though i'm not sure i have the right to be

bit of background, i'm getting married in december, civil ceremony abroad, less than 30 guests, not wearing white, was planning on casual rather than party dress

at the moment i'm still looking for my outfit- was waiting for the winter clothes to come in, anyway one of my delightful guests has texted to say she's got her outfits all sorted. nice i know that she cares-

but .... as everyone knows a bride wants to look amazing on her wedding day and now i feel like i have to avoid that style (which was what i was looking at) but worse that colour- one that suits me, i feel like i've been punched, hard to explain why but i do
have i become that bride?
peg

amdublin

peggie wrote: »

i'm writing here rather than sending a nasty email as i'm fuming even though i'm not sure i have the right to be

bit of background, i'm getting married in december, civil ceremony abroad, less than 30 guests, not wearing white, was planning on casual rather than party dress

at the moment i'm still looking for my outfit- was waiting for the winter clothes to come in, anyway one of my delightful guests has texted to say she's got her outfits all sorted. nice i know that she cares-

but .... as everyone knows a bride wants to look amazing on her wedding day and now i feel like i have to avoid that style (which was what i was looking at) but worse that colour- one that suits me, i feel like i've been punched, hard to explain why but i do
have i become that bride?
peg

I am confused

Is somebody wearing something you had planned on wearing??

You say you are planning casual rather than partywear? Just wear something else no? (Like there can hardly be just one colour and style in casualwear that suits you)

Ickle Magoo

30 guests = 30 colours or shades that can be used; hair-styles, accessories, shoes, etc, etc. I think you have to accept if you have decided not to opt for traditional bridal wear that someone else may have the same style, colour or even design of outfit.

You should also remember, you are the bride - everyone else is a guest, invited there to see you and your other-half make your vows. Regardless of what you or anyone else is wearing, it won't take from your day or your role in it.

All the best.

Beruthiel

peggie wrote: »

i feel like i have to avoid that style (which was what i was looking at) but worse that colour- one that suits me,

Get the same style in another colour that suits you.
Problem solved.

emarfrog

hi peg,
maybe yer one was telling you the style of dress that she got just in case you had planned on wearing something similar and was probably allowing you the opportunity to object?

I'm going to my friend's wedding in a few weeks time and I e-mailed her a picture of the dress I plan to wear to ask her if it was ok. After I bought it I realised that it might look a little like her bridesmaids dresses. We are close enough that she would tell me her opinion straight out and no offence would be ment or taken.

Has this person only recently started annoying you or were they alway a thorn in your side?!

And no, you are not a bridezilla! Planning a wedding is tough in so many respects! Be kind to yourself! I also agree with a previous post which said that people would be there to see you and your spouse-to-be on you're special day! Try not to sweat it, I know easier said than done!

tinkerbell

Errr I think you are being a bit bridezilla here. You are not wearing a traditional wedding dress and that is your decision. It is not fair to expect your guests to wait til you decide on what party dress you want to wear until they can get their dresses.

peggie

thank you for the feedback, it has been thought provoking

to clarify, she bought it before asking if i had picked anything so didn't know if or what i had picked at that stage- albeit that i hadn't so she had no idea if she was going to be the same but as didn't ask i would presume my answer wouldn't have affected her choice,

to be fair i don't think she was checking as it was said as a done deal- with no mention that if it was too similar she wouldn't wear it,

i suppose i know who my real friends have been in the last few years and this one has yet again shown her colours-

thanks again
peg

aviendha

it comes across that you're overreacting a little bit.. unfortunately if you got for a more casual affair, you will always run the risk of styles overlapping with the guests, and to be fair, December is only a matter of weeks away, so it's not surprising that one of your guests has their outfit sorted (especially being a wedding abroad - people have to organise things in advance) - it's hardly reflective of their qualities as a friend that they have chosen a similar style to what you THINK you might be going for - you haven't even bought anything yet?

Just pick something different?

At the end of the day, this friend is making a big effort to attend your special day abroad, you should be appreciative of that rather than making a big deal about "showing their true colours" just because they have similar fashion taste?!

amdublin

peggie wrote: »

to clarify, she bought it before asking if i had picked anything so didn't know if or what i had picked at that stage- albeit that i hadn't so she had no idea if she was going to be the same but as didn't ask i would presume my answer wouldn't have affected her choice,

Why would she ask

tinkerbell

^^ Exactly, WHY would she ask? It's a wedding, she's fully entitled to wear what she wants so long as it is appropriate for a wedding affair and is not cream / white / ivory. Other than that, you haven't got a leg to stand on.

I think you're being completely unreasonable by saying "I suppose I know who my real friends are". Why should she have to wait for you to decide what dress you wanted to wear? It's October now. This friend of yours is travelling abroad for a wedding, and you get annoyed because she has now chosen a dress that you wanted. Well if you wanted a dress that nobody would have, then you should have worn an actual wedding dress. If you wanted a casual dress, then you always run the risk of someone wearing something similar.

amdublin

I didn't think you were a bridezilla on your first post. But since your second post I have changed my mind.

Is this really about the outfit or is this something to do with your friend and things that have happened in the past or something???

You said you were going casual rather than a party dress: just choose something else! There are a million casual options out there!

How Strange

Sorry op but you're def being a bridezilla. You haven't picked something to wear but you'reanniyed that one of your guests bought her outfit because now you can't get the same or similar. Do you reasonably expect everyone to wait until you get your clothes before they can get heir own and are you planning on telling them they can't get x colour and style?

You've certainly got me confused. Unless you want to appear slightly unhinged don't go sending any nasty emails and get over it because its def not worth being so annoyed over. Concentrate on finding your own outfit instead.

efb

That second post was scary and a bit harsh on your friend!

Diddler1977

OP - this is most certainly Bridezilla behaviour.

You as the bride have no right to either know what your guests are wearing or indeed you have to right to an input in to what they are wearing (unless you stated on the invited Black Tie, etc.)

You have some cheek thinking guests have to wait until you have bought your outfit, then they must check what you bought, they can then go out and buy their outfit.

Many people are on a limited income. Weddings can put a lot of pressure on people. Limiting guests outfits choices is not acceptable.

Shame on you......

You need to reign yourself in....you are heading down the path of becoming an insufferable bridezilla - not pretty. Cop yourself on.

iguana

peggie wrote: »

i suppose i know who my real friends have been in the last few years and this one has yet again shown her colours-

Sorry what? I get the being gutted that someone else has chosen the dress you had in your head and even though you understood it was just an unfortunate coincidence you felt cheesed off and came here to blow off a bit of steam. But why in the name of god do you think this is evidence of her showing her true colours? Did you tell her in the past that you planned on buying, for example, a Joan Holloway style red satin dress for your wedding. And then have your friend tell you she bought this?



In that situation I could understand you feeling p'd off. But if she didn't have a clue what you were planning on wearing then all she's guilty of is finding your wedding a big enough deal that she decided to splash out on a new dress.

amdublin

Good point from Iguana.

Did you give your friend any indication at all about the outfit you had in your head?? (From your original point it seems not).

kandr10

Hi OP,

I think maybe you're just a bit stressed about not having found your own outfit. I'd be a bit annoyed to be hearing about other people's if I hadn't got my own either. Unless as Iguana says you'd told her specific style or colour you wanted, I don't think you can accuse her of anything.
Take a deep breath and go shopping for your own outfit. Forget about what the friend did either way

00112984

OP, you really are being a bridezilla and, if you don't stop now you'll have such a chip on your shoulder by the time your big day comes around you'll be more occupied with watching what everyone is doing/wearing/looking at than enjoying yourself.

While weddings abroad tend to be less formal, it's usually standard enough for a bride to wear a wedding-ish dress: a white sundress for a beach wedding, ivory or cream gown for a winter setting etc. You're 100% entitled to wear what you want and go against the grain but you're being completely unrealistic to expect everyone to fall into line with that.

Do you expect all the male visitors to consult with your husband-to-be to ensure they're not wearing similar suits? Nope.

Don't let this fester, it'll detract from the happiness of your day. It sounds like you want a laid-back party atmosphere so adjust your thinking to fall in with that.

Take it from someone who had a guest wear an actual white wedding dress to her wedding, nobody will even notice what the other guests are wearing and the focus will be on you.

tinkerbell

00112984 wrote: »

Take it from someone who had a guest wear an actual white wedding dress to her wedding, nobody will even notice what the other guests are wearing and the focus will be on you.

No way!!!!!!!!!!
:eek:

00112984

tinkerbell wrote: »

No way!!!!!!!!!!
:eek:

Way!

Diddler1977

00112984 wrote: »

Take it from someone who had a guest wear an actual white wedding dress to her wedding, nobody will even notice what the other guests are wearing and the focus will be on you.

And I take it that you didn't let it affect your day......because what does it matter!!!!

00112984

Diddler1977 wrote: »

And I take it that you didn't let it affect your day......because what does it matter!!!!

Absolutely not! Had an absolute blast and wouldn't have changed a thing. Truth be told, it was only when I was looking at the photos afterwards that I copped on to what she was wearing. Was having far too much fun on the day itself to pay any heed. A few guests did comment on it afterwards but sure, it made her look bad, not me.

tinkerbell

Tiz shocking so it is! But I'm glad that it didn't ruin your day and you didn't even notice!

Diddler1977

00112984 wrote: »

Absolutely not! Had an absolute blast and wouldn't have changed a thing. Truth be told, it was only when I was looking at the photos afterwards that I copped on to what she was wearing. Was having far too much fun on the day itself to pay any heed. A few guests did comment on it afterwards but sure, it made her look bad, not me.

A guest wearing a white dress to a wedding reflects badly on the guest.

A bride feeling they can dictate to their guests about their outfit reflects badly on the bride - OP take note!

Beruthiel

peggie wrote: »

i suppose i know who my real friends have been in the last few years and this one has yet again shown her colours

Because she forgot to ask what colour you were going to wear?
Wow. Talk about an over reaction.

perri winkles

As everyone has said OP, major over reaction.

When you say you are having a casual wedding, then you cannot dictate what other people wear! When reading your post, my first thought was that I would have done exactly what your friend had done, it would never enter my mind to ask what you were wearing.

The casual part is really getting me, if you want casual dress, then obviously your guests are going to presume that you don't mind what they wear.

This friend who is showing her "true colours" is making the effort to pay out a good deal of cash to go to this casual wedding abroad. She obviously can't be that bad a friend?

I think you need to simmer down a bit.

Heineken Helen

OP I've had my bridezilla moments too... getting upset about stupid things and even angry... but I've reigned myself back in and noticed it for what it is. The title of the thread hints that you're recognising you're being unreasonable too. Now take a step back and have a good laugh at yourself and how silly you're being and go out and find something much better than what your friend will be wearing. Is she normally the centre of attention? Is that the problem? If so, she won't be on YOUR day!

But she is going out of her way for you and your special day, regardless. You don't go book a holiday and a wardrobe just to show somebody up... she obviously cares so recognise that for what it is

whatdoicare

Would you not just get a dress made or stop being a Bridezilla and get something in a wedding dress style or you know an actual wedding dress? For all you know all your guests are wearing the colour you wanted. If you didn't want it to happen you should have stated your dream dress in the invites. Your friend probably avoided anything white, cream or ivory as that is what is commonly worn. It's what I would have done!
I feel sorry for your friend - she can't read minds you know.