Girls To Women, Boys To Men: Personality Changes

OutlawPete

This is something that I've felt for years but last week it was just reinforced for me as the same thing happened again. I'm 37 now and so from time to time I will meet people I when to school with, when out and about.

Last Christmas for instance, I met a guy on Grafton St that I went to secondary school with. Straight away we were talking and joking just as we always did, like time hadn't passed at all. We went for something to eat and it was great craic and it honestly felt as if we were on the bounce from school, as our conversation was pretty much the same. Talking about movies, music, concerts we've been too and all with the same manner in which we would have at 17, had we of had those experiences to talk about.

We of course chatted about memories, friends that have passed away and stuff, so it was far from an immature conversation, but just that it felt as if neither of us had changed much in personality.

That was not the first time I have met a mate from school and had the same sort of experiences and indeed, I still have a few mates that I know who I went to school with and they are pretty much all the same. When we'd meet, we behave and banter as we always did and if one of us is not there, you would never hear another of us complain that they have changed.

Now, we also know plenty of girls that went to school with and almost without exception, they seem to be different people. Have had this conversation many times with my male friends and they notice this too, whenever we meet girls we were at school with, they seem to have totally different personalities.

Now of course, people grow and mature and tragedy of one sort or another will have entered peoples lives, so inevitably people will change, but this seems to be beyond the weathering of the human soul, it's would almost class it as total personality change.

Last week I again met a girl from school who I got on with like a house on fire at school. She was wild back then, always cracking jokes. On a school trip to Lisdoonvarna, she snuck into our room and nicked all our boxer shorts, so for the rest of the trip she went around groping us. She once threw fun snaps at the blackboard and the teacher lost the plot

So, there I was in the multi story car park of the Pavillion in Swords and I said hello and she said hello, but she was just totally different, the same phenomenon that I have experienced many times before.

I asked about girls she used to be mates with and what ever happened to them and she seemed surprised that I thought she was mates with them at any point. I mentioned school and her memory seemed to be the polar opposite of what mine was. I then started to joke about a guy she went out with that is still a mate of mine and she acted as if she had just kissed him and forget, yet she went out with the guy for over two years.

Again, if this was a isolated incident or a one-off, I would just forget about it put it down to the fact that her life has been tough since school or indeed that it was tough when she was at school and nobody noticed and that she just wants to forget all about that time and move one.

But it wasn't a one-off, happens all the time and as far as I can see, when girls become woman, they change in ways that can't be put down to just put down to being normal physical changes or having a tough life and it taking it's toll.

The men I know, still seem to have the same core personality and quite often, when in their company, it feels as if time hasn't passed at all.


tl;dr

I don't think that men's personalities really change that much from when they were boys, any where near as much women's personalities seem to, from when they were girls.

Do think there is any truth in this?

And if so, why do you think this is?

hullaballoo

That's because girls actually mature.

IM0

tldr

bonerm

OutlawPete wrote: »

Do think there is any truth in this?

And if so, why do you think this is?

Dunno. How many men would like to stay acting like they were 12 for the rest of their lives? Lots I'd reckon, myself included.

Can't think of any women who'd be the same. If anything they seem to actually get a kick out of "grown up stuff" like marriage, kids and paying mortgages until they're greyhaired and ready for the scrapheap.

Oranage2

Foolish Women want to grow up and get jobs and families while guys just want to play Fifa/Pro all their lives

Biggins

me@ucd wrote: »

tldr

Great contribution. :P

dsmythy

Biggins wrote: »

Great contribution. :P

He didn't even read the tl;dr version!

OutlawPete

bonerm wrote: »

Dunno. How many men would like to stay acting like they were 12 for the rest of their lives? Lots I'd reckon, myself included.

Exactly, and as I say too, it's not about 'maturity' or the lack of it.

I speak about marriage break ups, suicides, access to kids etc, with my male friends but there is always that essence of who they were when young, not very far from the surface no matter the discussion.

bonerm wrote: »

Can't think of any women who'd be the same. If anything they seem to actually get a kick out of "grown up stuff" like marriage, kids and paying mortgages until they're greyhaired and ready for the scrapheap.

Yes and again, I know guys in their 30's who run their own businesses and when having a drink with them, it still feels like what having a drink with them would feel like (and did feel like) when they they were 18.

Whereas any women that I meet that I went to school with that are successful, now seem to have lost who they where totally, they seem more harsh and the older they get, the more it seems to be evident.

I first noticed it girls in their late 20's by the way, so I don't really feel that it something that inflicts girls that are still quite young.

However, what I have noticed is that if girls get successful at a young age, they tend to become very hard and seem to lose some of their femininity, along with the personality traits that once made them who they were.

Black Swan

Be they male or female, adults are just candy coated children. Hard on the outside, but kids on the inside.

AntiRip

I think this is very true and is the reason why a lot of girls rather hang out with the guys than the women because we have better craic.

It's not like we act like 12 year olds though, I think men (most) reach 16-17 and keep that personality. I'm 34 and still feel and think like 16/17, like the same stuff etc. and laugh at the same stupid things!

Black Swan

AntiRip wrote: »

I think this is very true and is the reason why a lot of girls rather hang out with the guys than the women because we have better craic.

It's not the free drink?

bonerm

Blue_Lagoon wrote: »

Be they male or female, adults are just candy coated children. Hard on the outside, but kids on the inside.

Unfortunately you don't get a warning about the nuts.

Scuid Mhór

women, huh?

OutlawPete

Yeah, I agree OP, after End Of The Road, members of Boys II Men just changed out of all recognition :mad:

Black Swan

bonerm wrote: »

Unfortunately you don't get a warning about the nuts.

CRUNCH! Viva la difference!

Rebelheart

hullaballoo wrote: »

That's because girls actually mature.

Yeah, as their (and, clearly, their parents) respective wedding days show clearly. A greater bunch of babies than the "my wedding's coming up" bridezilla brigade is hard to conceive of. And a more pathetic, juvenile shower of babies than the parents of a girl who's having her wedding is definitely impossible to conceive of.

Latchy

I think i have come across this in some women more than men Pete with a lack of indifference to past friendships and relationships, were shared memories and expierences are not fondly rememberd the same although I am only generalising .But sometimes that same spark that was there when we first hung out together with people is absent . Times change ,people accumulate more baggage ,more worries , more responsibilitys and perhaps dont look at the past through rose tinted glasses perhaps in the way we would sometimes like or as you say, are either in denial about or just want to forget and let go of their teen/ school/college days .

Reminds me of an intresting expierence I had several years ago in Dublin .I was visting my brother and coming back from the shops with my niece and heard somebody call my name .So looking around I was approached by this chap and on closer inspection soon realised it was Tomo from my school days .So after exchanging hand shakes and pleasantries after not seeing each other for what must have being about 17 years , we arranged to meet for a pint next day, were upon he produced a copy of a group photo, which had about 50 of us on confirmation day .So there we were , putting names to faces and having a great laugh .

Fast foreward next day and I am waiting outside a shop for my niece to drive me to airport when all of a sudden a car pulls up and a guy steps out who I instantly recognised as one of the guys in the photo .

So seeing I only had a few minutes to spare '' seize the moment '' time , I walked over to him and pulled out the copy of school photo and said '' hey there ( couldn't remember his name ) that's you in the picture yeah ? ' Wow ' ..say's he ... yes ,that's me and who are you he says ?

So I explained the scenario as quickly as I could and not only could he not remember me , Tomo or anybody else in photo but couldn't even remember the photo being taken .....on confirmation day :eek:

Perhaps he was suffering from amniesia :pac: Anyways he gave me his email address which I sent a copy of photo to which he was very grateful for

Intresting you brought this thread up Pete because last few hrs I have being exchanging texts with Tomo from primary school days who's birthday is today and when we last met on the occasion above , promised to text each other on our birthdays .It's great that we can sometimes still relate and be in touch with people we hung around with as kids .:)

Earthhorse

Of all the "boys are drive like this, women drive like this" threads I've read I have to say this is the one I can least relate to. This may be because I'm not really in touch with many people from my school but I will say that guys I know have changed quite a lot from the boys I knew to the men they air, sometimes to point where I wonder what happened to them.

3hn2givr7mx1sc

One thing I've realised in my few years is that some girls seem to have a personality make-over in the summer between 3rd year and 5th, whereas the lads are just the lads.

In 3rd year if we'd be messing(the lads) the girls would be laughing anway and having the craic, but now they look at us like we've two heads.:pac:

There's some that'd be bigger messers than most of us, and they're savage but a few seem to have grown snobby in their 'maturity', they've gotten a woeful lot worse since Seoptember, when 6th year started, though. They're nearly worse than the fúckin teachers at this stage..

OutlawPete

baz2009 wrote: »

There's some that'd be bigger messers than most of us, and they're savage but a few seem to have grown snobby in their 'maturity', they've gotten a woeful lot worse since Seoptember, when 6th year started, though. They're nearly worse than the fúckin teachers at this stage..

Yeah, I remember noticing similar changes now that you mention it.

We used to just think that it was because those girls were all just dating older boys and so we held little interest for them any longer.

I can remember girls in 6th year telling us to grow up when we started messing, not me mind you - I'll have you know that I was the absolute definition of maturity:cool:

Latchy

I think it's fair to say that individuals aside people do change and while the term ' haven't changed a bit ' on the outside may apply , the inner person as we remember may no longer be there , for a variety of reasons .

The fun part for me at school was pretending to be serious about stuff in that akward teenage way but then be cracking up laughing at the irony of some of the things and silly statements we would come out with .Then realising a few years later that it to was part of the maturing process in itself

Noodleworm

I think girls just try to re invent themselves a bit more, whereas guys act the same for a lot longer,
I know i've tried to just forget about secondary school (which I hated) and start anew in college because people didn't know me.
Its not like your pretending to act one way or another, its just that situations and people around you really affect how you behave.. and this is particularly noticeable in women.

OutlawPete

Latchy wrote: »

.. the inner person as we remember may no longer be there , for a variety of reasons .

That's my point though, with men I find that their, "inner person" as you called it, is still there.

I could be discussing marriage breakups, house repossessions, family deaths or whole host of other serious issues with guys, yet I still find that my friend, the person that I knew as as a 17 year old is still there and accessible to me.

Whereas I find with girls, their personalities seem to change so much more than men (speaking generally of course, there's always gonna be exceptions) and that that girl you once knew at school, is now far different from the person that you spent six hours a day with, just ten or fifteen years back.

There was a school reunion show on there a few years back (Channel4 I think) and I remember they also commented on this and everyone kept pointing out how the guys hadn't changed very much at all and yet the girls all seemed to be now so different as people.

Again, it's not every single girl I went to school with, as I know a few who are still just the same as they were back then. One girl in particular is a primary school teacher now and even though physically you wouldn't pick her out of a line-up from the girl she was, after just ten minutes in her company, she is the same girl that I sat beside in Science, that use to hold my steel compass under the bunsen burner till it was red hot, put it back it front of me and then ask me for a lend of it

Snowie

Its as induvidual as the person!
some girls dont change others do
some blokes change others don't.......

bonzodog2

OutlawPete wrote: »

Yeah, I agree OP, after End Of The Road, members of Boys II Men just changed out of all recognition :mad:

Pete, you are the OP !