The Whole Business Of Self Image

ohthebaby

I was watching this documentary on TV3 the other day about the self image of Irish teens. It interviewed many teenagers and a lot of them said they felt negatively about themselves. It also focussed largely on the part the media may have had to play in this, it highlighted the business of touching up photographs and how they promote an often unattainable ideal. One girl too mentioned how negative feelings she felt towards herself stemmed from the frequent comparisons she made between herself and girls she saw on the street. What struck me was that it focussed mainly on females and didn't dedicate as much time to the boys.

A negative self image can be such a dangerous thing. What starts off as a few bad thoughts in a person's head can soon manifest themselves into much scarier things. Depression, eating disorders, self harm... These things can all stem from a negative view of oneself. It's scary.

It just got me wondering what do you guys make of the whole self image thing? Are you content with your lot? Do you feel any pressure from various media outlets in this regard or are you aware that some things you see in print or on the screen are far from the truth? What do you think of airbrushing, is it ever appropriate? Do you think it's mainly girls who suffer from a bad self image or are the boys just a lot more shy in admitting it? How do we go about solving such a complex problem as a negative self image? Can it be solved?


Edit: Whoops, never gave my own views. Personally, I'd have a pretty negative view of myself. I grew up reading fashion magazines and the like but I wouldn't blame much of how I feel about myself on them. I've always been aware of airbrushing and other stuff that's used to make those images perfect. I know looking at those girls that that's not the truth, that they've been touched up to smooth over their skin and the slim down their waists. Me, I'd be more likely to compare myself to girls I see around town as opposed to an image in Vogue or something.

Novella

Ah, I watched that. I actually wrote a blog about it afterwards, the series, not just that particular episode, 'cause I found it so completely depressing... but then I deleted it.

Anyway, am I content with my lot? No. Is anybody really? It's not that I think I'm hideous or that I'd break any mirrors... but I dunno, yeah, I wish I was skinnier and stuff. I do tend to compare myself to other girls and have these delusions that I'd be happier if I lost weight or if I grew my hair longer. Then I lose weight, or grow my hair or whatever and it's just never enough. That's what I find so incredibly sad about the whole thing.

Pressure from media outlets? I'm not sure really. I suppose so. I think the majority of pressure I place on myself comes from myself, but I'm sure seeing insanely beautiful people in magazines and things (who are generally air-brushed) doesn't help matters.

I think air-brushing is inappropriate. It just portrays unrealistic body images, and it's fake. I get that enhancing an eye colour, making skin appear flawless etc., is attractive to look at but I mean, it's not real. It's just not real.

I'm sure guys suffer from negative body image just as much as girls do. I mean, I've heard male friends of mine complaining about their skin, or saying they needed to go to the gym so I know that they do worry about their body image too. And weren't the numbers of men suffering from eating disorders in recent times rising? Think I read that somewhere.

How do we solve negative self image? I actually have no idea. You know that Dove campaign, the one with 'real' women? I'm going to be perfectly honest here and say that when I watch that, I don't think, "Yay! Non air-brushed women"... I just think it looks wrong. My perception is obviously so skewed that I find it hard to accept beauty in anything other than the forms that we're all so used to seeing.

I'm sure it can be solved, but perhaps for future generations - ie, not bombard them with pictures like we see of what is deemed to be acceptable and desirable body and image wise.

KnifeWRENCH

ohthebaby wrote: »

A negative self image can be such a dangerous thing. What starts off as a few bad thoughts in a person's head can soon manifest themselves into much scarier things. Depression, eating disorders, self harm... These things can all stem from a negative view of oneself. It's scary.

That is so true. I reckon most people here know somebody who's suffered something like this. It's always so sad.

I know some schools do classes on mental and sexual health and stuff like that, but I don't think body image issues are ever dealt with in a satisfactory manner, especially considering it's so common among teenagers.

It just got me wondering what do you guys make of the whole self image thing? Are you content with your lot?

I've never been content with my lot. I've always felt ugly and overweight. Still feel like that occasionally....well not so much the ugly thing. I got over that a little. But I always keep telling myself I'm gonna get fitter and lose weight. Yet my own laziness and lack of willingness to eat less junk and go to the gym keep holding me back. I've no one to blame but myself, essentially.

Do you feel any pressure from various media outlets in this regard or are you aware that some things you see in print or on the screen are far from the truth? What do you think of airbrushing, is it ever appropriate?

I think the media piles a lot more pressure on girls than boys. Not that boys can never feel pressured or insecure or anything, just that girls seem to have it worse. I never have felt that way; any insecurity I ever had just came from myself.

Do you think it's mainly girls who suffer from a bad self image or are the boys just a lot more shy in admitting it?

Guys definitely do go through shít like this too, but I guess it's seen as "less acceptable" for guys to admit to stuff like this. This probably all goes back to gender stereotyping; I reckon boys aren't supposed to "care" what they look like in the same way that girls are expected to be pretty and doused in make up all the time.

How do we go about solving such a complex problem as a negative self image? Can it be solved?

The only way is to try and get teenagers to open up. Talk to counsellors, doctors or even a teacher or parents about how they feel. If there's a problem, they need to be treated before it spirals out of their control....because then who knows what could happen?
I guess putting more of a focus on mental health and self-image issues in schools and encouraging teens to open up and get help if they need it is the only way it can be solved. Seems like an obvious solution, but it never seems to be implemented that well in practice.

norwegianwood

I'd have a fair bit of experience with this. I spent most of my early teens convinced that I was too fat or ugly or boring or whatever, and that no one would ever love me for the way I looked. I was fairly impressionable, I thought that airbrushed photos of models in magazines were real, and that was the way everyone was meant to look, and there was something wrong with me. I was either on a diet, or berating myself for not being on one. Anyway, it all lead me to lose a scary amount of weight last year. It was like prison, I really had no life. I was afraid to go out anywhere in case I'd be forced into eating too much, and I used to write down all I'd eaten every day, I could've told you the calories in anything. But thankfully, I got out of that phase when my friends and family got me to cop on to myself. And I've realised now that I'm grand the way I am.

My advice to anyone in this situation would be take a step back and realise that magazines and airbrushed ads are NOT reality. Those women starve themselves to be the way they are, and even after that they're airbrushed to fcuk anyway. Just take a look at this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2gD80jv5ZQ

The bottom line is, everyone's different and perfect in their own way, don't let some narrow minded Hollywood ideal of beauty wreak havoc on your life.

Davidius

I don't really concern myself with self-image, it just never really mattered to me. I don't think of myself as particularly attractive or unattractive, maybe a little unhealthy looking. I always assumed that I wouldn't have much trouble with the opposite sex if I had the social know-how which is probably a naive view to have.

I don't really see much point in focusing on those physical attributes that cannot be changed. The way I see it there's absolutely nothing good that could come from worrying about it so why bother? Anybody's who seen me can probably attest to the fact that I don't take steps to enhance my appearance either. The clothes I wear are by all accounts smelly and ugly. :pac: I do exercise when the motivation strikes but that normally stems from the fear of becoming very unhealthy especially in later life.

That's not to say I don't ever think about it but it's certainly not something that concerns me very often. This might all stem from me never having to really care about acceptance while growing up, I was generally let away with being obsessive and opinionated.

jumpguy

I guess my personal image and self-esteem got me down when I was younger, I was a fat kid :P But I lost all that weight in the teens and that's all behind me now, I eat enough in one day to feed a small country.

Besides weight, my general self-image doesn't really bother me that much. I don't go out looking like a complete hobo but I wouldn't be too worried about strolling up town for something trivial in casual ole clothes or anything. I don't really worry about my physical appearance - there's no point. Besides, people don't care that much.

I think it does have a bigger effect on girls, especially the influence of the media and perfect models being everywhere:

Firstly, it sets an unrealistic standard of women for young teenage guys. Yes, they'll grow out of that as they learn that what's in magazines is far and away from everyday real life, but it creates a lot of stress for teenage girls, and indeed, for teenage guys with an unrealistic expectation of women.

Secondly, and most obviously, some girls try their BEST to emulate these perfect models everywhere. A lot of guys, I dunno, just don't really care about male models. This might be because girls don't tend to suffer from the first problem I mentioned that guys do. Usually women have a reasonable expectation of guys. Anyway, this attempted emulation is not healthy and leads to anorexia, and the huge rise in cosmetic surgeries lately, etc.


Everyone should just chill the fúck out and worry about themselves a little less.

Pygmalion

Guys just don't feel comfortable talking about anything personal in my experience (I know I don't anyway).
So you'll rarely find one admitting that they're unhappy with themselves IMO, it'd be pretty much impossible to actually get a figure for it or say either way with any certainty.

Chuchoter

I didn't use to have issues with the way I look, but now I do. Frankly I don't really like anything about the way I look anymore.

KnifeWRENCH

jumpguy wrote: »

Everyone should just chill the fúck out and worry about themselves a little less.

Unfortunately, that's not as easy as it sounds. That message is difficult to convey to teenagers who are starving themselves or becoming unhealthily stressed out about their appearance.

EuropeanSon

I used to be quite negative in the way I viewed myself. Then, about 8/9 months ago, I realised how awesome I was, and haven't looked back since.

SarahBeep!

Novella wrote: »

I think air-brushing is inappropriate. It just portrays unrealistic body images, and it's fake. I get that enhancing an eye colour, making skin appear flawless etc., is attractive to look at but I mean, it's not real. It's just not real.

We were in work yestersay and noticed when we were putting up a new range that they forgot to airbrusk part of the model thats on the tag and it looked soooooooo much better.

And I love Dove's True Beauty cmpaign

Pygmalion

Pygmalion wrote: »

Guys just don't feel comfortable talking about anything personal in my experience (I know I don't anyway).
So you'll rarely find one admitting that they're unhappy with themselves IMO, it'd be pretty much impossible to actually get a figure for it or say either way with any certainty.

This is true.
That said, I am unhappy with the way I look. I don't try to change it though, that's a long road to ruin.

seriousfizz

Pygmalion wrote: »

Guys just don't feel comfortable talking about anything personal in my experience (I know I don't anyway).
So you'll rarely find one admitting that they're unhappy with themselves IMO, it'd be pretty much impossible to actually get a figure for it or say either way with any certainty.

I found that a little surprising. I know guys who talk about personal issues, myself included. Unless you mean personal as in directly related to their image. If that's the case, then I would agree that you don't get very many guys talking about how they look, if any at all.

Jackobyte

I have to say I am uncomfortable with my image. I am a little over weight and I have little muscle mass. If I could change my image, I would.

Pigwidgeon

Having quite an interest in photography, and having played around with photoshop quite a fair bit over the last 5 years or so, I've always know about the whole airbrushing thing. I even did it on some photos of my friends and showed them the before and after so that they'd realise too.

My own body image? Well, I was fairly over weight when I was 14 or so until the start of fifth year. Which was when a friend joined weight watchers, and I saw how well she was doing so I decided to go with her, I'd never have gone by myself. Over a year and a half I lost nearly 3 stone. I went down 4 sizes, and I have to say, at that point, I was pretty much happy with the way I looked. I didn't feel uncomfortable in my clothes, I didn't have to worry about what I was buying that much any more, because I was eating better my skin had cleared up. So at that point I was happy with myself. Then I came to college. It was all grand, until January when I realised I'd slipped back into my old ways. I've put on about a stone in weight since then, and I have to say, I have pretty bad self image at the moment. I'm not comfortable with how I look, I'm not happy and feel constantly self conscious.

I think anyone who says guys don't have negative body image is blind. Just because someone doesn't voice them doesn't mean they aren't there. We can never truly know what's going on inside someone else's head. The person who you think is the best looking, most confident person, might actually have no confidence whatsoever and hate the way they look. I don't believe that anyone is ever completely content with the way they look, and if they say they are, they're lying. Everyone always has something they want to change about themselves no matter how big or small.

Cows Go µ

I've got a much better view of myself now in comparison to what I had when I was a teenager. Probably partly because I've discovered who I am better and I'm more myself and comfortable that way and also because I learnt how to find clothes that I actually like and suit my figure better and I know what to do with my hair.

I hated how I looked when I was a teenager (it probably wasn't helped by the fact when I was like 13 and I started putting on a bit of weight my dad told me that it didn't suit my face and to watch what I eat if I want to stay pretty) and what I wore didn't help, the school uniform was awful, it showed off my worst feature, my legs, and covered up the fact that I've a fairly skinny waist. I wasn't comfortable in my skin, because I was the new girl I was always put with the girls (I was the new girl at school when I was 15 and 17) and I'm a complete tomboy and just didn't relate to the girls. I can put on a girly act but they all wore make up and had their hair looking perfect and were skinny rakes and I was just so not like them at all and it made me feel terrible about myself.

I really found that who I'm friends with really affects how I feel about myself rather than any media influence. I've never compared myself to any celebrity and I highly doubt I ever will. I compare myself to the people around me, which can be even worse at times because at least with the magazines you can say that they are airbrushed and no one is that perfect but if I compare myself with other regular people then I've no excuse. I've gotten better because I know what to wear to make my figure look good. Not that I'm completely over it all, there are still days where I can't look at myself in the mirror but they don't happen very often anymore.

Now I'm actually myself, I hang around with guys nearly all the time, there's only a few girls I would hang out with on a regular basis and I feel so much better. Plus I have an awesome boyfriend who is always encouraging me and making me feel better. I think the fact that I'm more myself now is a huge help, I talk about what I actually like, mainly videogames and maths and geeky stuff like that. The fact that I want to become a video game programmer is a good thing where as before that's something I would have been mocked about. Being myself is a massive confidence boost that affects all aspects of my self image.

kev9100

I don't know who suffers from it more, but you'd be amazed how many guys worry about this stuff and really beat themselves uo over it. As for me, up to about half-way through 6th year I was painfully self-conscious about how I looked. I'm fine now, but it really did make me miserable for a bit.

ohthebaby

I have a friend who I always thought was absolutely fantastic, and still do. Slim, gorgeous hair, pretty, nice boyfriend, clever, funny, everything. I used to want to be her so much, I used to think she had it all. I haven't seen her properly recently with college and whatnot. I found out a while ago that she's had a s pretty serious eating disorder for the last while and is getting help. It just goes to show that you really cannot tell how somebody views themselves. She's gorgeous yet can't see it. It's so sad.

OopsyDaisy

I don't have the best opinion of myself at all. I constantly compare myself to my friends, who have nicer hair, nicer clothes, nicer skin ect. I wouldn't be one for comparing myself to magazines or celebrities though, they have airbrushing or professional make up artists and stylists. But being in an all girls school, I find myself putting myself down a lot by looking at all the other beautiful girls in my year and comparing myself to them.

(Without shíting on about myself too much) I think that having to attend a dietitian and having pressure on me to gain weight (it's a lot harder than it sounds) also has a negative impact on the way I view myself. I've also been bullied a good bit about my appearance, but I think everyone has been bullied at some time in their lives, so I'm just happy I'm not bullied nowadays. I think the way people go on about how really skinny girls looking horrible is bad, while it does maybe deter people from eating disorders, it's a blow to those of us who aren't like that by choice.

I don't think airbrushing is ever appropriate, but that's never going to stop people from using it. And even if they didn't, they'd still use 'obviously pretty' people in advertising. I know that everyone is beautiful in their own way, and I genuinely believe that it is the inside that counts, it's still hard to think it about myself a lot of the time.

So, uhm...yeah, that's my views

Konata

Well, I think most people here know that I've had severe problems with my self image since I was about 10 years old. I was a normal weight up until that age when, for several reasons, I ended up becoming fairly overweight for my age and height. I remember being laughed at in 5th/6th class because of my weight and by the time I'd started secondary school, I had realised that I was fat - and that people saw me different because of that.

I started Irish Dancing when I was nearly 12 and that, aswell as just growing taller I think helped me to lose weight and at 15, I was a normal weight. But all I remember was hating myself even more. I constantly compared myself to all the girls around me - they were all prettier than me, they were all skinnier than me. They were going to discos and meeting boys and for some reason, I felt uncomfortable with all of that. I thought I was too ugly and fat for boys to even hold a conversation with me, let alone fancy me. I started to feel guilty whenever I ate a dessert or something fattening - I'd beat myself up over every "unhealthy" morsel that passed through my mouth. I practiced dancing more and more, took longer walking routes to and from school, cut out sugar, then fat, then lunch, then bread, then meat... gradually reducing everything I ate.

At just gone 16 I was diagnosed with anorexia. My lowest weight was 96lbs and I looked so unhealthy. I was absolutely miserable - nothing had gotten better in my life with the weight that I'd lost. I was freezing, starving, lonely... I'd isolated myself from all situations that involved food and hence, rarely went out. I couldn't cope with sleepovers or parties messing with my routine so I just didn't go, and ended up with pretty much no friends.

By the time I was 18, I'd gained a bit of weight and was at the bare minimum of being a healthy weight. It was the first time I was somewhat happy in how l looked. Well, that's what I thought at the time. In hindsight, I still didn't look all that well, lived on a very restricted diet, had terrible anxiety over food and exercise and never allowed myself to join in events based around food. It was a tough life, and I guess I couldn't keep it up forever.

Just before I turned 19, I had my first binge. Some shít things had happened in my life that I couldn't deal with and I used food to avoid pain. I started to eat. And eat. And eat. A few months later and I was at a healthy weight. But I couldn't see that - I was still in anorexic mode and paniced every time I looked in the mirror. I thought I was obese, horrible, ugly, fat and I couldn't deal with it but I also couldn't stop eating. A few months later and I was diagnosed with bulimia.

So how am I now? Well it's a year next month since I was diagnosed with bulimia and severe depression. It's taken a long, long, looooooooong time to change my eating patterns and they are in no way perfect yet. I've stopped binging and vomiting and restricting food overall but I'm still trying to find that healthy eating pattern that suits me. I've only lost a bit of the weight I gained over the year of being bulimic and overeating but I know I'll get there and this time I'm aiming for a healthy weight.

I struggle with my self image a lot these days, but I think it's better than in recent years. I still feel ugly and fat most of the time but I've learned that weight doesn't have to be what defines a person. In fact, I don't believe that weight defines anyone - and it certainly doesn't define our happiness. So many people spend their days thinking "If I was skinnier, I'd be happy" or whatever, and I'm still guilty of that, but I try to remind myself that I was miserable when I was skinny and I was miserable when I was overweight. My life didn't instantly become better when I lost weight. Yes, we can all be a bit happier by being more comfortable in ourselves but we shouldn't wish away our lifes yearning for skinniness/weight gain.

Yay for rambling... >_>

OopsyDaisy

It's also SUCH a shame that so many people, young and old, feel like this.

Those of you who have negative opinions of yourselves really shouldn't!

I've seen a few of you in real life, and in the picture thread, and you're all beautiful people, and those who I haven't seen, you've beautiful personalities by what I've seen in your posts, and I'm sure you're all gorgeous irl

It makes me sad that so many people who are wonderful don't see themselves as such

(I'm aware that was a bit hypocritical after my last post but shhh :P This doesn't apply to Oopsy)