Boyfriend cheated

LegacyUser

Over a year ago my boyfriend kissed someone else. He went out, got plastered drunk, got very depressed, went into the kitchen of the house of the party he was at, cut himself with a knife.

Girl enters kitchen, talks to her for a few minutes, kisses her for he said was about 10seconds. He left the house immediately afterwards, and rang me at 3 o’clock in the morning, sobbing and telling me he’d just cheated on me.

As much as I’ve tried to forgive him, it still bothers me and I realise now that if we are ever to be happy I have to get over it, I know that. He now admits he has problems dealing with himself when he gets depressed and acts in stupid selfish ways. At the time, he said, that he was in self-destruct mode, and didn’t care about the consequences of anything. And that’s why it happened. He was self-sabotaging so to speak.

The matter has come to a real head lately for other reasons that I wont go into. My question is, do I make the real effort to forgive him (and draw a complete line under it), knowing that he is going to make the effort to sort out his problems (via counselling), or if someone cheats once, is it something they are capable of doing again?

Thanks

metrovelvet

Um. No offence, but don't you think the real problem is the cutting himself with a knife?

Oryx

..or if someone cheats once, is it something they are capable of doing again?

Even someone who has never cheated, is capable of doing it, so you need to look at the man, not the deed. Its down to circumstances and personality. True, you get aholes who are serial cheats, but your fella doesnt sound like one. Based on your description, he sounds like a guy in serious emotional trouble.

If you love him, draw a line under what he did. If you feel you are capable, then do support him as he battles with his problems. If you dont love him enough or struggle to cope with his issues, then you are within your rights to leave him. Life is not about propping another person up because you feel you have to.

He has apologised. You either accept his apology and move on, or you let him go. But once you do draw a line under this, you really dont get to bring it up again. But in return, his excuses have to stop, and he needs to work on his self destructive side.

amdublin

Headmelted wrote: »

Over a year ago my boyfriend kissed someone else. He went out, got plastered drunk, got very depressed, went into the kitchen of the house of the party he was at, cut himself with a knife.

Girl enters kitchen, talks to her for a few minutes, kisses her for he said was about 10seconds. He left the house immediately afterwards, and rang me at 3 o’clock in the morning, sobbing and telling me he’d just cheated on me.

I genuinely would not be worried about the "cheating" and would be more worried about what happened before the kissing.

Your question about whether he will cheat again: I cannot answer this as I think there are more pressing issues that need to be addressed before you get into this.

Your boyfriend needs medical help. I would assume the cutting himself could possibly fall into suicide attempt category (or self harm at least).

amdublin

oh sorry I've just realised this happened this year ago but something else happened recently.

I would suggest that whatever happened recently: This needs to be addressed (by doctor or counsellor???)