How to know when counselling is working/has worked?

duracell_bunny

I'm a little hesitant about posting here as a few boardies know who I am in real life.

I've been seeing a psychotherapist for a while. On our third session I asked her how many sessions she thought I would need (partly so I have an idea and partly because its kind of expensive as she insists on weekly sessions). She said that it was for me to decide when I was "fixed". Shouldn't she have a plan or something? I just sit there and she waits til I start talking and if I don't then she starts prodding. I mean I could talk to the wall for free. She's not giving me any advice or feedback at all and I'm starting to run out of things to say and end up just repeating what I said on the last session. At first I found her easy to talk to but now I'm started to find it uncomfortable and I don't feel that I can tell her what is really on my mind. I had a very weird upbringing by normal standards and she could probably write a book on me by now - I feel like she is more interested in my strange childhood than the issues I'm trying to deal with.

I guess I'm asking if that's the way psychotherapy works and does it get harder before it gets easier - if so I'll stick with it a bit longer. Or should I cut my losses and find someone else / some other form of counselling????

Edited to say that I've never been in this part of boards before so I hope this kind of question is allowed.

Odysseus

duracell_bunny wrote: »

I'm a little hesitant about posting here as a few boardies know who I am in real life.

I've been seeing a psychotherapist for a while. On our third session I asked her how many sessions she thought I would need (partly so I have an idea and partly because its kind of expensive as she insists on weekly sessions). She said that it was for me to decide when I was "fixed". Shouldn't she have a plan or something? I just sit there and she waits til I start talking and if I don't then she starts prodding. I mean I could talk to the wall for free. She's not giving me any advice or feedback at all and I'm starting to run out of things to say and end up just repeating what I said on the last session. At first I found her easy to talk to but now I'm started to find it uncomfortable and I don't feel that I can tell her what is really on my mind. I had a very weird upbringing by normal standards and she could probably write a book on me by now - I feel like she is more interested in my strange childhood than the issues I'm trying to deal with.

I guess I'm asking if that's the way psychotherapy works and does it get harder before it gets easier - if so I'll stick with it a bit longer. Or should I cut my losses and find someone else / some other form of counselling????

Edited to say that I've never been in this part of boards before so I hope this kind of question is allowed.

Can't really comment on a case, but I would say you need to bring back the content of your post to her. In general, if I'm interested in a person's history it's because I believe the current discomfort they are experiencing are connected to it.

A psychotherapist who is interested in a persons past especially if there is a particular story to be told, will in general see it as a long term process. I can't offer this to every client as I would be full pretty quick, but I have one client over 7 years. Not everyone needs this, but some may and thankfully I'm able to supply it to them free as I work for the HSE.

If a person has had a traumatic past and they engage in a historical form of psychotherapy, it takes time. If something had a long history, then it will not go away in a few sessions, it may never, the effect it has on the person may change though. Believe me it is totally different than talking to the wall. Then again some people find a shorter term treatment such as CBT works better for them. That would fit better with having a plan as I think you are saying. That's not to say as a psychoanalyst I would not have a plan, but my plan would involve seeming has a persons past has brought them to treatment, rather than a plan that treats the current issues. We do treat the current issues just in a different manner.

As I said we can't comment on a person’s therapy, but if you have a question about psychotherapy in general people may be able to answer those questions. However, the main fact is if you have questions about your personal therapy the best person to speak to is your therapist.

looksee

You could just say 'I feel as though I am talking to a wall, are we getting anywhere?' Its possible s/he is waiting for a spark of anger or involvement, on the other hand its possible that you have a therapist-by-numbers who never got beyond the textbook.

Don't just keep going and feeling frustrated though, presumably you have enough frustration in your life without adding more. There are some pretty useless therapists out there, same as there are indifferent doctors, teachers, etc. If you do not feel you are achieving anything then you need to mention it, and/or go elsewhere.

Odysseus

looksee wrote: »

You could just say 'I feel as though I am talking to a wall, are we getting anywhere?' Its possible s/he is waiting for a spark of anger or involvement, on the other hand its possible that you have a therapist-by-numbers who never got beyond the textbook.

Don't just keep going and feeling frustrated though, presumably you have enough frustration in your life without adding more. There are some pretty useless therapists out there, same as there are indifferent doctors, teachers, etc. If you do not feel you are achieving anything then you need to mention it, and/or go elsewhere.

I would always leave the go elsewhere until a person has spoken about it, what the poster is describing is a fairly common experience within certain types of psychotherapy, it would be a waste of his cash up to this point to just walk. As you said this could be a turning point, and to walk negates that.

Bobby42

psychotherapy can take 1 to 3 years. it is definitely not something that happens over night, i'd definitely give it another while. i'm in therapy for about two and half years now. i now at the start it can be very difficult. but therapists don't give advice, and only sometimes give feedback. what therapy does is it lets you see things from a different perspective and gives you clarity. you know you're making progress when you see people and events in your life in a whole new light. it really challenges the way you think. so your thinking will change too. therapy gives you understanding on who you are and where you are in life. but for this to work you really need to have a good open and honest relationship with your therapist. you both need to "click" and be on the same page. so i'd say keep trying for a while but if you feel you're really not getting anywhere changing therapists might help. its very hard and daunting initially, but stick with it, therapy can be so life changing and rewarding beyond belief.

JuliusCaesar

In CBT we (therapist and client together) define the goals of therapy. Then it's easy to know if you've got there or not.
A CBT therapist with good knowledge and experience would be able to give you a rough idea of how many sessions will be necessary after the first 2 or 3.
We work quite differently to other therapies.

mandy30

Hi,

I was in intense therapy for 6 months a while back. I think there are different types of therapy and perhaps you should ask what method she is using?
My therapist had a set method and I knew every week going in what we would be doing and by the end of the session knew what was going to happen the following week.

I had a pretty unusual childhood and was dubious about having the type of therapy you mentioned.....just sitting there, silence etc. In my opinion the therapist is there to help you figure things out.
The lady I seen was on the other side of the world, but I have a number of a lady I see regularly here in Dublin who I would recommend if you wanted.
Best of luck with it all, I hope you decide to do whats best for you.

metrovelvet

Im not a counsellor or professional first of all.

A common belief in therapy is that new or current stuff is 'old stuff' coming back up. That is probably why she is asking you to look back.

Secondly, silences play a huge part in therapy. Something from deep down can emerge or if the client uses talk to cover up the silence that can be revealing too. I wouldnt be dubious about the silences at all. I remember researching some oral histories on holocaust survivors and one thing I noticed is they STOPPED talking once their narrrative led them back to the trauma.

I think non directive therapists have to be delicate in how they manage silences so that they dont cross the line into being directive.

Odysseus

metrovelvet wrote: »

I think non directive therapists have to be delicate in how they manage silences so that they dont cross the line into being directive.

As you noted silence can play a significant role in a talking therapy, however, it is an intervention, i.e. not responding being a response. Like any other intervention use it as it is needed, no more no less. Being a Lacanian silence has a fundament role for me, we are known for our use of silence, but you are never silent just for the sake of it