Dumped

LegacyUser

24 year old guy here.Two days ago my girlfriend of over year ended our relationship because she said she felt we were more like friends recently than a couple and that i was a great guy who deserved more time and attention than she could give(she's an extraordinarily busy girl with her passion which i wont mention here just in case) .

This IMO came out of nowhere. I've been trying to reason it out but i can't. She recently became redundant in a job she hated and was looking forward to pursuing her passion to the fullest in its absence and i thought she'd maybe have a little more time than usual to donate to me but alas here i am.

Im absolutely inconsolable.I sound like such a child but i'm on the brink of tears even now as i type and i'll undoubtedly fall to pieces later when i'm by myself.

Everything as far as i could see was perfect right up until the last minute. We rarely fought and we had so much fun in each others company and sex was good too.And she was always going on about what a great boyfriend i was.I'd give anything for her to give me another shot. Every time my phone rings i pray its her calling me to tell me she's made a huge mistake.The thought of her with someone else makes me feel physically ill.

I have two major problems.(Apart from the obvious).

1. I don't have a huge circle of friends.I'm not a total recluse but i only really have a few good friends that i see regularly-semi regularly so i can't really lean on others as much as I think I need.Added to this all the friends i made through knowing her(her sister, housemates etc.. i realisticly won't see anymore either.

2.I'm in a very important demanding year in my academic life and my thoughts are so plagued by her and the good times we had that i can barely sleep or eat let alone think about getting work done.If my work rate over the past two days is in ANY way indicative of my rate to come then im in serious danger of falling irreparably behind .

I feel ever so slightly better having that typed out so thanks for that much i suppose.
But still....Help! =/

LegacyUser

Al321 wrote: »

24 year old guy here.Two days ago my girlfriend of over year ended our relationship because she said she felt we were more like friends recently than a couple and that i was a great guy who deserved more time and attention than she could give(she's an extraordinarily busy girl with her passion which i wont mention here just in case) .

This IMO came out of nowhere. I've been trying to reason it out but i can't. She recently became redundant in a job she hated and was looking forward to pursuing her passion to the fullest in its absence and i thought she'd maybe have a little more time than usual to donate to me but alas here i am.

Im absolutely inconsolable.I sound like such a child but i'm on the brink of tears even now as i type and i'll undoubtedly fall to pieces later when i'm by myself.

Everything as far as i could see was perfect right up until the last minute. We rarely fought and we had so much fun in each others company and sex was good too.And she was always going on about what a great boyfriend i was.I'd give anything for her to give me another shot. Every time my phone rings i pray its her calling me to tell me she's made a huge mistake.The thought of her with someone else makes me feel physically ill.

I have two major problems.(Apart from the obvious).

1. I don't have a huge circle of friends.I'm not a total recluse but i only really have a few good friends that i see regularly-semi regularly so i can't really lean on others as much as I think I need.Added to this all the friends i made through knowing her(her sister, housemates etc.. i realisticly won't see anymore either.

2.I'm in a very important demanding year in my academic life and my thoughts are so plagued by her and the good times we had that i can barely sleep or eat let alone think about getting work done.If my work rate over the past two days is in ANY way indicative of my rate to come then im in serious danger of falling irreparably behind .

I feel ever so slightly better having that typed out so thanks for that much i suppose.
But still....Help! =/

Try keep yourself busy. Now is the time to meet up with friends, anyone you can drag out with and do some fun stuff. If you dont have many mates, try to join a club or group doing something you like. it may be scary it will be worth it, you will feel better. you really have to try keep your mind off it.

If you sit at home thinking about it then its so much more painfull. All mad thoughts go through your head, im going to be lonely forever, who am i going to do stuff with, is she having a great time, meeting other people etc..

Stay strong..

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice.
I'm at home now. Complete rock bottom. I'm in shreds.
I cant hold a single thought in my head bar how much i want her back.

Thing is about the clubs, I'm more than willing to give them a try but i went through a breakup before and tried the clubs approach. However i found the people attending them were either miles out of my age group or pretty happy in their clicks already and thus not really looking for new friends. Which makes it hard to meet new people. And as a result i kinda just felt myself missing my previous ex more.
What kind of clubs have people found good for my age group?

LighterGuy

Well op,
"sudden breakups" are never sudden. Well they could be for the break-up'ee but never for the person who says "lets break up"

Its obvious your girlfriend has been thinking about this for a while. Rather than discussing how she was feeling, she only told you when she was ready to finish it. So its time to stop looking at your girlfriend in a nice light.

See all this "...that i was a great guy who deserved more time and attention than she could give..." - Thats the cliche line "its me, not you" -

I know this is easy for me to say but just realise to hell with her. Just realise you were dating someone out for themselves. You might not realise that. But anyone who cares about another will discuss their feelings, their doubts. She didnt. As I say, only laid it all on you when "She" was ready break up.

As for not having alot of friends to rely on. Im sorry
But.. remember, friends come and go and majority dont really care when a friend is hung up over someone. Thats harsh but its realistic. The only person in life you can rely on to pick you up is yourself


So.... its time to keep yourself busy what ever you do, do not quit or fall behind on college work. Years to come you'll shoot yourself for letting a bad relationship cause you to fail.
I suggest picking up new hobbies and trying to get out of the house as much as you can do a course.... join a group. Try to limit the time you are in your house doing nothing.... thats when thoughts pop up. Remember be stong and move forward. You can only rely on yourself.

chainsaws

OP. It's hard to break with a girl you really liked but you have to stop putting yourself down. Some things just don't work out.
Forget about women for a while, take a break from going out for a bit and take up reading or going to cinema - get used to being single for a while and then gradually ease yourself back into going out with buddies to the pub or a nightclub and just focus on having the craic again rather than just chasing girls.
After a while you'll feel better and you'll meet another nice girl in no time without have to try very hard. Take it easy on yourself. If you feel like crying, don't be ashamed to cry. It's tough but you're a big boy and you'll get over it eventually.
Best of luck to ya.:)

magneticimpulse

Well to be honest, it could have been much worse. You seemed to have ended things on a good note. Too often people become angry and bitter and try the whole on off thing which is awful. So forget about her as she has made it clear she doesnt want a relationship with you full stop. She just wasnt that into....you could wreck your head with lots of ideas as to why it ended.

Ok great thing is your 24, your single and therefore youve loads of options. Concentrate on your Academic stuff...i know how distracted people can get...im meant to be writing my thesis as we speak hehe. Anyway, try to keep busy and if possible when you do have to study, try to study with a friend. That way you can quiz each other about the topic. However at 24, i suspect you could be in post grad like myself?

Anyway theres plenty of single girls out there...who will tick all your boxes, so stop falling apart.

As for meeting people i find meetup.com to be fantastic. Its totally changed my life. Ok it took about 2 months of constantly going to events before i finally met a great circle of friends. Although i cant do anything now because of writing, i still see the friends at the weekend.

Language exchange groups are good, cinema and gigs etc, roller blading in Phoenix park, roller disco etc. Theres alot of things which dont involve sport or training or full on commitment. New and not so new in Dublin has about 4 things happening a week and there is a Limerick one as well. Maybe try rock climbing?

Or search boards for different activities to join.

Pull yourself together, as your ex said, your a great guy and you will definitely meet another girl.

LegacyUser

Thanks to everyone for all the advice.
I had to delete her as a friend on facebook today and i deleted all the pics of us being couply together,it was rough but i couldn't use it at all with her there.

I have this horrible panicked feeling in my gut facing my first weekend without her and im not likely to be able to drag my mates out(Even if i did shed probably be there as the local nightclubs/pubs that we would frequent are her regulars too).

Im don't live in Dublin so a lot of the groups mentioned aren't available to me.Can anyone recommend a good group for someone of my age to meet others of my age or thereabouts?
Thanks again.