Don't know what to do or what I want

LegacyUser

Please bare with me because this thread is really just me trying to get things out of my head.
I'm with my boyfriend nearly ten years, we had a baby last year who is now a happy healthy one year old. It has been a tough life changing year. At the same time as I had the baby my boyfriend lost his job where he'd been since he left school. He got good redundancy so money isn't an issue and has now found work elsewhere and is working for the last 5/6 months. I suppose having a baby and losing your job in the one month is tough going.

The thing is I don't feel happy anymore. I feel like we're two different people with different priorities in life. He is shy, quiet and introverted. I am the outgoing one, always out and about and doing things. It's always been this way and it never bothered me before. I think it's just becoming an issue now because we have less time to do things together so I want to make the most of any time we do get on our own whereas he's happy to sit around doing nothing.
He has become obsessed with money. It's either something to do with the new job i.e people around him talking about it or listening to all the things on the radio etc or thought of being laid off again is eating at him but we're no where near stuck for money. We still have most of the redundancy and are better off now than we have ever been yet he's completely obsessed. He thinks we should move our child from the childminder where he's happy and settled because a creche is 5 euro cheaper a day and provides the food so we wouldn't have to pay for it!!! It's really starting to annoy me.

He's gotten so grumpy. He's gone from a cushy job to working 12 hour shifts and somedays when he gets home we don't even talk to each other. I know i'm tired too from dealing with the baby and working full time but i hate evenings where we sit down and don't even talk. Everything is my fault. The computer breaks... my fault... something goes missing... my fault... he just goes off into his own world and won't talk to me until it's fixed.

We have no life at the moment, which i know is probably to be expected with a baby in the house but we never go out. For my birthday in July he bought me a voucher for a restaurant and we still haven't used it.

I don't really know why i'm posting the thread. I just don't know how I feel about him anymore. Yet I have a little baby who loves his daddy and I don't want him to grow up with a split family.

RodSteel

I suppose the most obvious question would be- have you told him how you feel? , or maybe just show him this post would be an idea. People here may give you advice but not a great help when they dont know you or your partner

darad

Its sounds like its been a crazy year for you. Why not get someone to mind the baby for you for the evening and take time to talk about whats eating you. Trust me what your going through is pretty normal I think and nothing that cant be overcome if you love each other and want things to work. Sometimes you can just get caught up in the hectic day to day stuff and forget about your relationship as of course the baby comes first. Have a chat with your partner and tell him your fears and worries, good luck.

LegacyUser

If it's any consolation, I'm also in full time employment& earning a reasonably ok wage....but I'm petrified of spending& have become v conscious re money also. The media has whipped everyone into a frenzy about this damn recession& whilst a lot of it is probably true, it makes for a stressful life. Your bf's probably wanting to be the best dad he can be, he may be feeling guilty at missing out on a lot of your babys' milestones, or worring will he be able to provide enough for the future. Obv you prob worry about these things too, but guys tend to bottle things more& brood for days on end before erupting. Factor in the lack of sleep and it's a recipe for disaster!
Could ye leave baby with grandparents for a day/weekend? Chill out together& spend quality time not doing much, not spending much (eg: walk on the beach, hike up a mountain, watch tv!), but just being together?

astra2000

Hi op I think you need to talk with your bf now. you both have had such big changes in the last while. Your bf is probably knocked for six by losing the job he had for a long time, he has probably lost his sense of job security and is worried of this happening out of the blue again. You are probably behaving a lot different too this is what becoming a mammy can do and maybe he is having problems coming to terms with this too. Its not fair for him to blame you for everything that goes wrong does he even realise how much he does it? As for the crech issue sounds unreasonable.
Tiredness can have a real bad impact on personality, try and make time to discuss how unhappy you are before its too late.