Mental Issue...do I need councelling?

LegacyUser

ok going unregistered for this.

My life is a bit of a mess amt. I'm 19 from and from Galway.
I have only once kissed a girl and that was 3 years ago. I have lots of male friends(none of which are with me in Galway) and i'm not a loner in any way shape or form. I am in the fortunate position that I have around 5 really close friends and several 'aquaintances'. Btw, I never speak to them about my situation nor do they speak to me. I had severe self asteem issues with my body and my looks for years. I was a good bit overweight in my teens but thankfully have lost it in the last year and look a hell of alot better now. I don't find myself ugly to look at in the mirror anymore. My legs and body shape are nicely toned from exercise and healthy eating and my face looks 100X more handsome than it was. However i'm no Brad Pitt, but we won't worry about that. I always swore to myself I wouldn't let a girl near me when I was overweight as I knew there would be no way she could find me attractive in the state I was in, and I still stand by these thoughts. Basically i'v just explained what the problem was in my teen years. But now i've over come those problems i've still got severe mental problems. One of which is my inability to even consider trying to get with any girl from my area that know me because I think they would not even consider me because 1.I was 5 stone overweight and 2.They know i'm a virgin and probably think i'v kissed nobody(which may aswell be true as having kissed one girl is not much better). Am I being totally off the mark with these thoughts or what? Girls, any thoughts/input on this one? would you not get with a guy because he was overweight or do you know anybody who wouldn't get with a guy because he was overweight?

Nevyn

I suggest that you start by going to you GP and asking them.

coolcat63

Many, many years ago there was a boy on my school bus, a couple of years older than me, called Chubby Clark. He was friendly, fun and very fat but it didn't seem to matter - he was a mate.

Fast forward a couple of years and we met up by accident (both still in our teens) and he was friendly, fun and - having lost all his flab - absolutely bloody gorgeous! So no, it doesn't matter one iota what you used to look like, it's who you are NOW that matters! And who on earth is going to know you're a virgin? (and why does it matter anyway?).

If you need further proof just google Gok Wan

LegacyUser

Thaedydal wrote: »

I suggest that you start by going to you GP and asking them.

If I go to my GP he's just gonna refer me to somebody else, there are people trained to deal with mental health issues, thats why I suggested councilling and just skip the middle man ie. the GP unless someone actually knows that GPs are trained to deal with this sort of stuff.

Esoteric_

The virginity thing wouldn't personally bother me. All 3 guys I've slept with had been virgins prior to dating me. Not that I go for virgins, I just happened to only sleep with virgins XD

As for the weight thing - some women really don't care about that. I certainly don't and never have.

Sounds like your self esteem is still nowhere near where it should be so yeah, I'd recommend you talk to your GP.

CDfm

OP -the reason that you get the referal from your GP is that from it you can access the proper facilities and a lot lot of the mental health facilities are free and can only be accessed by GP referal.

From your comment I get the impression that you have looked into getting help for this but have shyed off going to your GP. You should not be embarrassed at all. Having acknowledged that you have a problem you a responsibility to yourself to go for help.

LegacyUser

CDfm wrote: »

OP -the reason that you get the referal from your GP is that from it you can access the proper facilities and a lot lot of the mental health facilities are free and can only be accessed by GP referal.

From your comment I get the impression that you have looked into getting help for this but have shyed off going to your GP. You should not be embarrassed at all. Having acknowledged that you have a problem you a responsibility to yourself to go for help.

Hey, OP here..
I can't go to my GP because I don't want to be reminded of the situation for the rest of my life, I want it sorted and forgotten about. If I go to my GP then I know, that somebody I know, knows about it(if you get my drift). I'd much prefer to go to somebody to talk to that I'll probably never see again in my life so i'll be able to keep it 100% confidential...I know my GP would keep it that way but I'd still rather not have him know, it's just how I feel. And from what I've heard, there are huge waiting lists for free councelling. I'd much rather just go straight to a councellor and pay(I have the money) and that way I know that nobody I know, knows. You'll probably tell me I need councelling for being over paranoid now ha. I'd just loke some advice on what steps I can take as an alternative to my GP.

Sorry, This may be stupid or selfish or both but it's genuinely how I feel...

Nevyn

Your dr is meant to know all about your health, phyical and mental.

http://www.counsellingdirectory.ie/

seamus

I can tell you some absolute truths:

1. At 19, close to half of your peers are still virgins. Most of what the Americans would call "locker room talk" is made up or heavily embellished.

2. At your age, girls aren't turned off by men being virgins. As I say above, lots of them still are virgins themselves and many of them have had only one or two sexual encounters, so aren't "experienced" by a longshot. You don't wear a badge with "virgin" written on it and in most cases you couldn't tell a 19-year-old virgin from a 19-year-old non-virgin. You won't be judged for it primarily because it's not that big a deal when you're an adult and nobody really cares.

3. Nobody will be in the least bit put off by someone who was previously overweight. If anything, losing weight generally makes you more outwardly confident and shows that you have a great deal of self control and self-respect. Both of which women find very attractive.

Rather than focussing on "I need to shag someone asap", just spend your time chatting to girls - regardless of whether they know you or not. A girl will base her attraction to you on your personality, not on your local profile or your teenage history.

If you really feel that you need to talk to someone about it, then the link that Thaedydal posts above will help find someone.

solovely

You probably think everyone around you is kissing and having sex with way more girls than you....seriously they are not!!

To be 19 and only have kissed one girl is not that uncommon. Looking back to my college days, loads of the lads were like that but only admitted it years later when they were more confident and in their 20s. Same with sex, out of all of my friends, majority didn't lose it til 19 at least, most older.

You are not a freak. It's so easy when you are your age to get paranoid about stuff and think you have a problem when you don't. Obviously your paranoia stems from when you were overweight, and I imagine it takes ages to get over that, so give yourself time, and don't rush yourself into feeling confident just cos you should.

Join lots of clubs and societies, go out more, find more girls as friends, and the rest will happen naturally. It's a total cliche, but once you start liking yourself and your body, the girls will too...trust me!!

Just don't overdo it, and become overconfident :rolleyes: I know at least 2 guys (exes) who were self confessed "ugly ducklings" in their teens, had never really kissed a girl or slept with one by your age, blossomed in their early 20s and then went on to sleep with literally tonnes of girls, to the fact that they were overcompensating for their lack of action in their teens...not good either

Good luck! You sound like a great guy and I bet in 5-10 years time you'll look back at this stage in your life and wonder why you were so paranoid and upset...sounds like you have no justifiable reason to be. Counselling may help, but I think a good dose of positive thinking and getting out and about and doing stuff is the best therapy right now!

LegacyUser

Hey Op are you asking "Do I need councelling because Iv only had one kiss and still a virgin" or is it to do with a insecurity/confidence issue.

If its the 1st then that is the most ridiculous thing Iv ever heard - just because society says you should be sexually active doesnt mean you have to be and it most certainly doesnt mean your abnormal if your not.

Im 21 and never even been kissed and tbh I couldnt really care Im comfortable and happy with who I am and thats all the matters - although I do talk a lot of sh!t to my friends and they havent a clue. So dont worry a bit about it and if its a confidence thing you'll be able to tell your Gp about that and (s)hell be none the wiser about your inexperience.

CDfm

OP -everyone is entitled to their privacy but really you should be able to talk to your doctor about most everything like if you have a pain in your left testicle or in your rectum.

You should also be able to ask for a referal so you do not end up with someone who will just take your money and who is trustworthy.

Anyway, here are some links that may throw up some service along the lines you are looking for

http://ie.reachout.com/

http://www.hse.ie/eng/services/Find_a_Service/Mental_Health_Services/

http://www.mensproject.org/mendir/index.html

You are going throw normal stuff for any young guy but you feel insecure about it.

Best of luck OP