What's meant to be won't pass you by?

LegacyUser

How true is this saying?

Its an issue for me because i like a person who seems to be confused or was messing with my head. Told them how i felt. They wanted something one minute and the next nothing. It was real head wrecking stuff which i cant deal with either. Either you want something or you dont? The person in question if they ever did like me does have stuff to sort out in their own life but wish they could tell me where i stand. But right now its nothing. Which is confusing for me because they did want something.

What can i do? Nothing. I do have other things to concentrate on right now anyway so i think its best to get on with life. But i have been to a phychic once who told me that they feel the same way i do about them. I have to walk away now but im terrified that it wont happen ever.

What do i do? Am i meant to just sit back?

LegacyUser

wontpassyouby wrote: »

What do i do? Am i meant to just sit back?

Psychics prey on people who need guidance. Why don't you talk to your friends instead? It doesn't cost anything!
If someone's messing with your head, tell them to get lost. Your peace of mind is the most valuable thing you have. Once you lose peace of mind, you lose everything. You can be happy on your own, it's not impossible. Staying with someone who treats you badly because of what a psychic said once is not a good enough reason to stay with them

TitoPuente

Why not just ask this person where you stand - emotionally and on a commitment level? If they refuse to tell you or are evasive with their answer, then it's time to move on I'd say.

Beruthiel

What's meant to be won't pass you by?

I don't believe in wishy washy statements like that.
The only thing you need to believe in is yourself.
Once you know yourself, once you know what you want and what you won't put up with, life is easier to navigate.
Psychics prey on the weak. Quit looking for answers from people who haven't a clue. Look inward towards yourself.
If this person is messing you around, walk.
It's better to be single and happy than miserable in a relationship.

G-Money

OP, I was in a similar boat with a girl I liked. She flip flopped between just wanting to be friends, to wanting more than that. I liked her so I was patient and tried to give her time but eventually it just did my head in. At the end she said she couldn't get into a relationship with me but had no issues going off with some other guy.

Anyway for me, either someone likes you or they don't. If this person is hmmm'ing and haaaa'ing I say you take them at their word. They said to you "whats meant to be won't pass you by"? I say you say to them "fair enough" and move on with your life and forget about them. If they complain, then you can say "What's meant to be... blah blah".

I find people who come out with guff like that are just using it as a cop out.

Give them a chance, if they throw it away, forget about it and move on.

Distorted

I don't really believe in that, at least if you do, it will keep you hanging around for ages putting up with nothing. I've been involved in two similar "relationships" in the past and both times it was the shock of discovering something unexpected about the person that "cured" me of liking them. The first time, I saw the guy in question with what was obviously his girlfriend (that I knew nothing about). He ignored me but I was able to see for myself that the girlfriend was really fat and plain (not as mean as it sounds, he had constantly told me he wanted to go out with a tall, big busted woman). The second time, the guy in question eventually told me, he was gay.

Looking back, I don't think missing out on anything further with either of those guys was much of a loss.

soul.less wonder

wontpassyouby wrote: »

But i have been to a phychic once who told me that they feel the same way i do about them.
What do i do? Am i meant to just sit back?

Please don't put any faith in what this 'psychic' told you.They know absolutely nothing about your life or what is best for you. I think that these prophecies become self fulfilling. You are hanging on in there when you know you shouldn't just because this psychic told you something you wanted to hear.

You are ignoring the very obvious indicators of how a person really feels i.e. their actions, in favour of a fairy story.

I used to live with a girl who was told by a psychic that the love of her life would have dark hair, work with his hands and his name would start with 'P'. Some time later she met a fella who matched these narrow criteria and got with/stayed with him when she really shouldn't have just because she had convinced herself that the nonsence she was told was a better path to follow than her own common sence and feelings.

dont make the same mistake op.move on and find someone who'll love you back and won't play manipulative mind games

LegacyUser

I love the statement
"The person in question if they ever did like me does have stuff to sort out in their own life but wish they could tell me where i stand."
OP, just read that again, does that sound like someone who is committed to a permanent or long term relationship?? I'm sorry to have to say this to you but it sounds to me like they were using this "stuff to sort out in their own life" as an excuse to keep you at a distance, to keep your relationship casual. There's no doubt they may really like you, but it sounds like they're not in a position to enter into a real relationship. When you mention "stuff" something is telling me there's someone else, an ex wife/girlfriend, an existing wife/girlfriend. Step outside what you consider your relationship with this person and view it as an outsider and think clearly about what you see, in other words detach your feelings from this other person and look at your relationship in a clinical manner and determine for yourself if you have a future with this person. It can help by asking friends for an honest opinion but generally they may lie to you as they'll be fearful of your reaction to a truthful analysis.
Good luck with everything but don't put all your eggs in one basket when the carrier of the basket may not even be sharing the basket with you!!!

LegacyUser

wontpassyouby wrote: »

What do i do? Am i meant to just sit back?

Nope - you move on. If someone doesnt know whether or not they want to be with you then they dont... Dont waste your time, they are playing with you whether or not they intend to.

LegacyUser

How long ago did you let him know how you felt?

Squiggler

While the saying may be platitudinous, that doesn't mean that it isn't true. Another platitude worth keeping in mind is the recent catchphrase "He's just not that into you". I didn't watch the movie, no interest, but I read the book of that name about 6 years ago and found it to be excellent - funny and common sensical.

Too many of us waste time with people who are not right for us. I know I did. No relationship is going to be effortless but if it is more work than fun then there is something seriously wrong.

I met my husband 14 years ago when we were both on holiday. I was instantly attracted to him, and we got on really well together, but we were both in relationships at the time so there was no room for romance, which would have had to be long distance anyway, he's from the USA. He hated writing letters, but even still we kept in touch for a few years, as friends, with neither of us expressing our true feelings. Then, amid housemoves, relationship issues and other life matters we lost touch. Last May we made contact again and now we're married over a year and expecting our first child.

So OP, just because the time isn't right now doesn't mean it won't ever be Get on with your life, have fun and get to know lots of people.

LegacyUser

Squiggler wrote: »

While the saying may be platitudinous, that doesn't mean that it isn't true. Another platitude worth keeping in mind is the recent catchphrase "He's just not that into you". I didn't watch the movie, no interest, but I read the book of that name about 6 years ago and found it to be excellent - funny and common sensical.

Too many of us waste time with people who are not right for us. I know I did. No relationship is going to be effortless but if it is more work than fun then there is something seriously wrong.

I met my husband 14 years ago when we were both on holiday. I was instantly attracted to him, and we got on really well together, but we were both in relationships at the time so there was no room for romance, which would have had to be long distance anyway, he's from the USA. He hated writing letters, but even still we kept in touch for a few years, as friends, with neither of us expressing our true feelings. Then, amid housemoves, relationship issues and other life matters we lost touch. Last May we made contact again and now we're married over a year and expecting our first child.

So OP, just because the time isn't right now doesn't mean it won't ever be Get on with your life, have fun and get to know lots of people.

Sorry for sidetracking Mods but this is soooooo cute.... ahhh

OP dont waste time on this person who cant make up their minds. The time you are wasting on them is less time that you will have with Mr Right

MrDarcy

wontpassyouby wrote: »

How true is this saying?

Its an issue for me because i like a person who seems to be confused or was messing with my head. Told them how i felt. They wanted something one minute and the next nothing. It was real head wrecking stuff which i cant deal with either. Either you want something or you dont? The person in question if they ever did like me does have stuff to sort out in their own life but wish they could tell me where i stand. But right now its nothing. Which is confusing for me because they did want something.

What can i do? Nothing. I do have other things to concentrate on right now anyway so i think its best to get on with life. But i have been to a phychic once who told me that they feel the same way i do about them. I have to walk away now but im terrified that it wont happen ever.

What do i do? Am i meant to just sit back?

The other side of this coin is that what is not meant to be, will surely not happen as well. I've slowly come around to seeing things like this recently. I've a good few friends who will tell you with a few drinks on them, in very animated language I might add, "ohh what's meant to be will not pass you by"... Now the funny thing is that some of them are suffering what are catastrophically unhappy relationships, some have been muttering the same soundbyte for years now, "what is meant to be will not pass you by", it's all very well saying it and maybe believing it, but what do you do when you are in your mid 30's, heading into your 40's and you find yourself repeating the same mantra, "ah what's meant to be will not pass you by"...???

It's a load of rubbish I think, it's a stupid Irish comment, that is in fact smug, defeatist and irrational.

What is meant to be I reckon has to be fought for and earned, this stupid Irish notion that things are just going to land into your lap by virtue of some sort of "gifted providence", I genuinely think has an awful awful lot to answer for in this country...

Wibbs

MrDarcy wrote: »

It's a load of rubbish I think, it's a stupid Irish comment, that is in fact smug, defeatist and irrational.

What is meant to be I reckon has to be fought for and earned, this stupid Irish notion that things are just going to land into your lap by virtue of some sort of "gifted providence", I genuinely think has an awful awful lot to answer for in this country...

It's not just an Irish expression. Its damn near universal. Che sara sara/Ce sera sera in (bad)Spanish/Italian. It's just a different flavour of "fate". And like you say, irrational. It does come as a comfort for some when they look back or forward on their lives as the notion of "stuff just happens randomly" is uncomfortable for many. Particularly with superstitious/magical thinking type people. We all have coping mechanisms and it happens to be a common one.

And IMHO that's fine. Like any coping mechanism, if it's at a low level. But when it starts to negatively affect our lives that's when it's dodgy. I'd say the same of psychics. I've known people who go to them the very odd time and it's no harm at all. Bit of a thrill/fun etc. It's bad when it gets obsessive to the point where someone is taking this on board to an excessive degree.

In relationships people are more likely to believe in this stuff to explain patterns or emotions where none may exist. The head wrecking stuff makes this much worse. You're looking for a pattern and getting majorly confused when it keeps changing.

How do stop this OP? Not that easy, if you're in it, but doable. The first thing to do is remove the source of the confusion from your life as much as possible. Like you say walk away. Push your energies into the other things in your life. Be proactive there. As for being terrified it(love etc) wont happen for you? With the billions of people in the world and the thousands you pass by every year, it's damn near impossible to avoid. Don't sit back. Be proactive in that too. The more you meet, the more chances you will have.

LegacyUser

Op here. I am being proactive in other areas of my life. Putting all my energy into stuff and just getting on with it. But i guess that i like the person and find it hard not to think about them. But i guess if its meant to be its up to them to contact me. And if they do, i dont know how il be. They had their chance and weren't taking it. How do you get over someone you like knowing you'll never see them again?

Wibbs

Funny enough, usually by not seeing them again. You'll have a period of time where you will be thinking of them and the "what ifs", but that does pass. The mind gets bored of it after a while I reckon.

LegacyUser

Well OP, I feel like I should put in my two cents worth here because I am in the exact same situation except on the other side. I'm the confused one. In fact, your post is so exactly my situation I'm getting freaked out that I know just who wrote it. But anyway, here is my take on the whole thing: it's okay to be confused. I mean, of course someone can only take so much of it, but I truly believe that if you love this person, if you are absolutely SURE you love this person and that you couldn't be without them, then be patient. I get sick of everyone having this idea about love that it's a fairytale and that if you love someone, everything will be a walk in a field of daisies. I also totally believe in the statement "if you love someone let them go, if they come back, they're yours". Sometimes, people just have stuff they have to deal with. Dealing with this stuff is a priority, over and above any relationship, because they can't properly be in a relationship if they have this stuff they need to work out. They can't give themselves completely to you, because they may not even be their own. Do you see what I'm trying to say? This person is being honest with you if they are telling you how they feel and yes it's confusing because sometimes I guess this person doesn't even know how they feel because they don't know themselves well enough for whatever reason. But they are trying to sort themselves out so they can be in a position where they can just want something and it be simple. I guess you need to look at other aspects of their behaviour as well: are the confused in general, or just when it comes to you? Maybe they are just lost right now - it happens to the best of us - and they just need to sort out what the hell they're doing. My advice to you is this: let them go. Don't hate them. If you love them, that's fine, you're allowed to. Obviously you care about this person simply as a person as well as a girlfriend/boyfriend so be kind to them, they are obviously going through a tough time. They may love you but not want to hurt you by not being 100% in the relationship for whatever reason. If they come back to you, then you can try again if you still want to. But for now, in the meantime, be brave and live your life. Focus on some goals you have in the future. And for the record - I truly believe that what will be, will be and that everything happens for a reason. Good luck, I really hope it works out for you.