what a mess love makes?

LegacyUser

Im 46 , i have long term partner of 9 years ,

Met another woman a month ago , totally fell in love ,would literally do anything she asks of me , never ever felt anything like this before.
Totally consumed with passion and love.

Told ex i want to move out but not about this woman,,

Devastated

What a mess love makes
Do i need help ?

CDfm

Is the lady you are living with your long term partner or your ex ?

The lady you have met does she know about your current partmer and what have you told her ?

LegacyUser

CDfm wrote: »

Is the lady you are living with your long term partner or your ex ?


My EX , i broke up with her the following day after meeting this lady.

The lady you have met does she know about your current partmer and what have you told her ?

Told her that im single ,thats it so far


I know its nuts , but i really cant help myself , im consumed

LegacyUser

Why did you spend the last nine years with a woman you don't love? Did you have an 'arrangement'? Get out quickly, be straight with her and let her get on with her life.

WhatWillBee

You broke up with your partner of 9 years the day after you met this girl?? Am I right in assuming you broke up then because of this girl??

After 9 years you dump your partner because you met a girl ONCE????

I think you ex will end up being so grateful to this girl for getting you out of her life, and I just hope the new girl runs a mile when she finds out.

It isnt romantic at all, if a guy told me that hed done that for me, I would be out of there like a light. If you can be so disrespectful to someone who has been by your side for 9 years what hope does the new girl have??


I think youve totally lost the plot and this could potentially be the biggest mistake of your life.

davyjose

WhatWillBee wrote: »

I think youve totally lost the plot and this could potentially be the biggest mistake of your life.

Couldn't agree more.

OP, the fact you say you'd literally do anything she asked of you, strikes me that you have some serious self-esteem issues.

You need to step back from this and look at what you're doing. A month is not a long time to know someone.

Beruthiel

hundred wishes wrote: »

Do i need help ?

Who can tell?
At your age, you know very well that one month into getting to know someone is the rose tinted glasses phase. The lust at first sight phase.
You know it will pass.
Yet you gave up a solid 9 year relationship for a woman you know only a few weeks.
Being much the same age as yourself, I'd personally consider that a bit mad but nobody here can predict the end result.
You threw away a lot for a wish.

Wonkagirl

jaysis...

well, i'm a sucker for true love, so if you're sure your feelings for girl2 are as strong as you think they are, then ****it, you're going to have to go for it.

The fact is that at your age and after 9 yrs, if you didnt marry girl1 then maybe deep down you always knew she wasnt for you?

bit of a nitemare, all told.

I think you were wrong btw to lie to girl2 and tell her you were single when you clearly werent...hardly a good start to a relationship, telling porkies?

Beruthiel

Wonkagirl wrote: »

The fact is that at your age and after 9 yrs, if you didnt marry girl1 then maybe deep down you always knew she wasnt for you?

Not necessarily true. I just got married after 11 years with my OH.

LegacyUser

Yes it is a nightmare

Im aware of what im doing and throwing away but i cant really cant help myself .

Im madly in love with this person and im aware it may not work out but at least for now ive never felt so alive and its worth it for that alone.

Wonkagirl

Beruthiel wrote: »

Not necessarily true. I just got married after 11 years with my OH.

yeah but how old are you?

this guy is 46, christ, **** or get off the pot!

waiting 11 yrs is grand if you're in your 20s or 30s, not in your 40s, jaysis.

Ickle Magoo

hundred wishes wrote: »

Yes it is a nightmare

Im aware of what im doing and throwing away but i cant really cant help myself .

Im madly in love with this person and im aware it may not work out but at least for now ive never felt so alive and its worth it for that alone.

So what advice are you looking for from us?

Beruthiel

Wonkagirl wrote: »

waiting 11 yrs is grand if you're in your 20s or 30s, not in your 40s, jaysis.

I see it the other way round completely.
When into your 20s or 30s, you are maybe interested in getting married and starting a family.
In your 40's, you may no long be interested in that and just want a lover. No rush to get married required under those circumstances.
I'm 45 and that was my attitude for a long time. Still is in fact.

hundred wishes
If you are so very happy with this new beau, why the need to post unregged in PI?
I'm just wondering what exactly your problem is?
Or has it to do with you hurting your long term partner?

Wonkagirl

hundred wishes wrote: »

Im madly in love with this person and im aware it may not work out but at least for now ive never felt so alive and its worth it for that alone.

Sure you dont need advice from us so.. you have no choice but to go with it and hope for the best.

S23

It's kind of unclear what advice, if any, you are after. You did ask in your intial post do you need help? If you have to ask the question then theres a good chance you might.

I know people will come on here and say 'you never know who/when/where you'll fall in love' etc...

However, you broke up with your ex of 9 years within 24 hours of meeting this person? I'm sorry there is no cupid fluttering around waiting to hit you with an arrow that instantly makes you fall in love.

Thats not to say it won't develop over time. It might turn out great or it might go the other way. All I can tell you is that you left your ex for an infatuation,lust and an ideal that you have no idea if its true yet.

You certainly didn't know this new woman after 24 hours and you don't know her now after 1 month. And, for the record, she doesn't know you. She thinks you were single when you met her. How do you think she will react when she finds out (and she will find out) the truth. I'd suspect she'd find you terminating a long term relationship within 24 hours of meeting her very fcuking creepy and I doubt she'd appreciate being lied to either.

Are you even in a relationship with this new woman now or is it a case of still flirting and getting to know each other? Has she reciprocated any of these things you say you feel for her?

Anyway, bottom line in all this is you're lying to two women and I feel sorry for them both. You should tell your ex the truth so she can get over you more quickly because, believe me, after the initial shock and pain she'll be glad to be shot of you after the way you have behaved.

And the new woman. Well she hasn't a clue about any of this. If she is falling for you then she deserves the truth. And even if shes not and shes still at the 'getting to know you' phase she also deserves the truth.

So my advice is act like an adult and be honest with both these women and then see where the chips fall

Oryx

OP, why would you be posting here, if not for help. Deep inside you know this is infatuation, and youve been told as much a couple of times in this thread. But its feels so good, doesnt it? Its exciting. It does make people do crazy things like dumping a 9 year relationship, as you have.

But for the sake of your future happiness, please get some perspective here. This girl is not a glowing angel, she is a normal girl. The infatuation you have will fade and you need to be sure there is something there for you both when that happens. You really should take a step back and clear your head a bit. So many things could go wrong here if you dont.

CDfm

Beruthiel wrote: »

Not necessarily true. I just got married after 11 years with my OH.

Congrats Beruthiel - I hope you will both continue to be very happy

Distorted

WhatWillBee wrote: »

It isnt romantic at all, if a guy told me that hed done that for me, I would be out of there like a light. If you can be so disrespectful to someone who has been by your side for 9 years what hope does the new girl have??

Me too. At best I'd think he was weak willed, hormonal and shallow, at worst I'd think he was a nutter. Theres a difference between this and getting to know someone over a coupe of years and realising you have something so strong you can't be with your original partner, but after a month, its just a whim. You can't be in love with someone after only a month, maybe in lust yes, but for love you need to know someone and a lot about them. And you can't do that in a month.

What happens if you meet another woman and feel the same a few months later? What if this other woman doens't feel the same? What about your wife, do you have any consideration for her at all? Despite being with your wife for 9 years, is this a pattern you follow throughout your life?

S23

thats the thing, though, Distorted, it didn't take a month for the 'love' to be so strong he left his partner of 9 years. It took 1 day. Thats what I find so utterly mind boggling.

Oryx

S23 wrote: »

thats the thing, though, Distorted, it didn't take a month for the 'love' to be so strong he left his partner of 9 years. It took 1 day. Thats what I find so utterly mind boggling.

Where does the op say it took one day?

S23

Read the 3rd post of the thread. The OP uses the quote function to answer a question from CDfm. Its easy to miss if you don't read all the quote boxes properly

The question is in 2 parts. The OP answers the first part (when did you break up) under CDfms comment in the quote box.

And then answers the second part (have you told the new girl yet) saying he told her he's single underneath that

Wonkagirl

He's so aflush with love that he's not making any sense Oryx and S23
he's given us very scant information really

The poor long suffering ex, god love her is all i'll say. Again, we're not sure whether this girl wanted children etc, but assuming she's a few yrs younger than himself, her chances now are probably well and truly shot.. but as i say, i'm making assumptions all over the place based on scant info.

Too early to say whether the new one will suffer the same fate, not necessarily so.

aidan24326

Wonkagirl wrote: »

waiting 11 yrs is grand if you're in your 20s or 30s, not in your 40s, jaysis.

You can't generalise that. Each to their own and all that. Why can't a couple get married in their own good time? Or not at all for that matter?

Wonkagirl wrote: »

Too early to say whether the new one will suffer the same fate, not necessarily so.

Yeah not necessarily, I do know a guy who dumped his 7 yr girlfriend to be with someone else and theyre now married (him and the new girl) with 2 kids. So I guess it can work.

But I know if it was me I'd be pretty wary of getting involved with someone who could dump their partner of 9 years in the callous way the OP did, and for what appears to be some kind of lusty infatuation. Not to mention that this new girl doesn't even know about said partner as of yet.

OP, have you thought of the consequences when this new girl finds out about the ex? And she almost certainly will, as you can't hide 9 years of your life without you (and the people around you!) telling an awful lot of lies. I can't see her feeling much in the mood for kinky bedroom fun when she finds out about your dark little secret.

LegacyUser

Ok so let me get this right... You are lying to your ex about why you have left and you are also lying to the new girl about your relationship status... Do you honestly think she will never find out that you broke up with your ex the day after you met her and you lied about it???

If I were her and you had lied to me from the start it would be an instant red card...

You sound like you are having a midlife crisis... Let me guess, this girl is younger etc etc...

You have given up an awful lot on a whim and also taken a huge risk by lying to this girl.

StarryMoon0

so you've lied to this girl and told her you are single.

if i was the girl there would never be a relationship with you, because you lied. never ever date a proven liar.

secondly, if i found out how you broke it off with your long term partner, i'd leg it so fast as i would assume you were pretty messed up.. plus i'd be angry as many many women would never ever enteraint the idea of starting a reltionship with someone who's already in one!!

Distorted

OP - do you not realise how dodgy and mid life crisis cliched this whole situation sounds? Love doesn't make a mess, you are the one making a mess, by lieing to two women. You sound really immature and irresponsible for 46 and you have given a false impression of yourself to this woman you claim to be in love with (the one you hardly know). She hardly knows you either. Has she asked where you live? Have you lied to her about that as well? How did you meet her?

A couple of my single female friends who are on internet dating sites say they are constantly contacted by men who claim to be "seperated" but still living with their exes, even when they politely ask not to be contacted by that category. Am I wrong in wondering how effectively you can break up a nine year relationship in one day and still continue to live in the same house as your ex? Would you be expecting to move seamlessly in with the other women to avoid making your ex homeless OP?