Concerned about friend's cannabis use

LegacyUser

Hey everyone,

I've a friend that I've known for a number of years now (I also have strong feelings for this person, but alas, that's another story for another day ). Anyway, over the past 1½ years, she has started smoking alot of cannabis, I'm talking about in the region of a couple of joints a day, most days of the week. It was her (now-ex) boyfriend that got her onto the drug. It makes me concerned about her as the drug has completely changed her personality. When I first met her, she used to be really friendly, chatty, and good fun to go on a night out with. She was also someone I could talk to if I had any problems.

But now, she has no motivation to do anything, and trying to make general conversation with her at times is nearly like trying to get blood from a stone. She's also quite moody and temperamental now. It's only if she goes off it for a few days does her original personality somewhat come back, but that's few and far between.

Now I have nothing against someone using cannabis in moderation (hell, I sometimes have a joint once a week myself), but using it all day, everyday is another matter. It's in the same league as an alcoholic I reckon.

It's a real shame to see her like this. I've tried bringing the issue of her excessive use up before, but the only response I get is usually 'Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever' or 'Stop being like my parent's'. I just don't want to see my friend ending up as a complete waster.

Some people on here may say 'It's her decision', but if you saw the way she's changed, you'd be concerned too.

Thanks for reading.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Afraid there's nothing you can do. I've been in her sitution. You don't see smoking weed as a problem because you don't have perspective.

I only stopped because I went to college in another part of the country(far enough away that I knew no-one) and there wasn't a smoking scene. Only then did I realise I'd been overdoing it.

Good news is it isn't difficult to quit physically. Bad news is theré is very little clear reason to quit when you smoke habitually.

Funnily enough I think the addiction is generally more to tobacco than weed. does she smoke bongs or joints with tobacco?

kylith

I don't really see any difference between a couple of joints in the evening and a couple of beers in the evening.

You say that she's split up with her boyfriend, is it possible that this is what's causing her depression and dissaffection rather than the dope? The smoking may well be more effect than cause.

tenchi-fan

Don't forget, cannabis use can go with a certain lifestyle.

If she listens to a lot of bob marley you can assume she's just embracing that lifestyle. Underachiever, slacker, hippie, laid back. It doesn't appeal to everyone. Personally, I wouldn't enjoy being around a person like that.

kjl

Look, she is probably just going through something at the moment. If I'm upset about something I can go into a bit of a smoke cycle, but oddly I find it accelerates the healing process.

Give the girl a break, she is just taking a chill out time in her life. She wont be like this forever. If you don't mind me saying, maybe you should stay out of it. If you try to tell people how to live their lives, they tend to not listen to you.

You could very likely get into an argument where you might get you feelings hurt, due to your interest in her romantically.

LegacyUser

I don't really see any difference between a couple of joints in the evening and a couple of beers in the evening.

The difference is that she smokes it first thing in the morning right till she goes to bed.

Funnily enough I think the addiction is generally more to tobacco than weed. does she smoke bongs or joints with tobacco?

Joints with tobacco.

You say that she's split up with her boyfriend, is it possible that this is what's causing her depression and dissaffection rather than the dope? The smoking may well be more effect than cause.

Nah, she's been like this long before the split.

Give the girl a break, she is just taking a chill out time in her life. She wont be like this forever. If you don't mind me saying, maybe you should stay out of it.

Thanks for the advice. :rolleyes:

LegacyUser

It seems as though rather than having an issue with your friend using cannabis, the crux of your problem is that you see your friend as being there for your entertainment and when the entertainment has gone your interest in the friendship has gone with it.

Take a step back and see if you like this person for who they are or as a way of keeping yourself amused for a few hours here and there. If its the latter, perhaps you should seek other friendships.

curlzy

Concernedfriend wrote: »

The difference is that she smokes it first thing in the morning right till she goes to bed.

But in your first post you said it was 2 joints a day, how does she make them last that long, honestly I'd like to know???

Anyway, I work full time and finished my degree this year, (I was working 5 days a week and going to college 6pm to 9pm, 4 days a week, as well as weekend projects and assignments) and I smoke every day. I would have to say if you were my friend during this period and came to me with your concerns I would tell you to butt outta my life and mind your own business. I know it's not the PC answer but just giving you a heads up, if your friend is anything like me, she will completely resent you sticking your beak in and also get fairly angry at you looking down on her as some kinda junkie, it's weed/canabis for god's sake, lots and lots of very successful people I know smoke as much as I do, these include friends that have masters degrees etc and in fact the vast majority of people I know that smoke have jobs so I think the unemployed hippie waster is a bit of an unfair stereotype for smokers. Anyway, thread very carefully if you feel you have to say something.

kylith

Concernedfriend wrote: »

The difference is that she smokes it first thing in the morning right till she goes to bed.

But you said she was smoking a couple of joints a day, if she can make 2 joints last 18 hours then she has more self control than 99% of the people I know.

Even if she is chain smoking from morning till night it's not really anything to do with you, you can let her know your worried about her and that you're there if she wants to talk but that's about it.

thefeatheredcat

Concernedfriend wrote: »

It makes me concerned about her as the drug has completely changed her personality. When I first met her, she used to be really friendly, chatty, and good fun to go on a night out with. She was also someone I could talk to if I had any problems.

But now, she has no motivation to do anything, and trying to make general conversation with her at times is nearly like trying to get blood from a stone. She's also quite moody and temperamental now.

Is she just like this to you specifically or everyone around her?

Maybe she just needs some space from things and may have things going on in her head that you're just not privy to and does not want to discuss?

People change and evolve all the time, this part of her personality probably always existed long before you met her. She may need to do this for her own reasons or is just going through a cycle in life where this is what she wants right now.

It's easy to sit and wonder, be concerned and maybe even judge, but perhaps you need to make a decision whether you want a friend who is going through this right now or not? If you want to help her, then respect her wishes and be there for when she comes out of this part of her life. Other than that, there is not much you can do. Be concerned, yes, but there is the option of not being her friend anymore if you're unhappy with your friendship. You can lead a horse to the through, but you can't make it drink. Give it time and see how it goes. But if you think it's effecting her more than just your friendship and her health (such as losing job, being more reclusive, depressed etc) then you've every concern to try and get her to open her eyes a bit.

Forest Master

Concernedfriend wrote: »

a couple of joints a day

Concernedfriend wrote: »

she smokes it first thing in the morning right till she goes to bed.

So which is it? And how could you possibly know the amount, unless you're there all day?

magneticimpulse

Forest Master wrote: »

So which is it? And how could you possibly know the amount, unless you're there all day?

I dont think it matters the exact amount...op just said "couple"...that could mean 2 or 2+

Im sorry OP, but you might just want to leave your friend be. If you dont agree with it and what she does to her own body, there is not much you can do. She made this choice and only she has the opportunity to change herself, you can change her.

My ex, used to smoke loads (he and housemate always at 1kg of cannabis at hand). He smoked it for 21 years...started at 15. Sure he got a degree and held down a job. But he was very edgy, moody and did not have many friends. In work he would shout his face off to the receptionist and kick the sweet machine if chocolate didnt come out. As much as he was a great guy i couldnt date someone who was so snappy and paranoid. 4 years later he is still not managed to hold down a girlfriend. Its sad story really. I got the usual, its not as bad as alcohol etc. I didnt dispute him, alcohol is bad too, especially if you were to use it everyday. I think people who smoke, have underlying problems anyway, they are trying to escape from that. They keep in the circle of people who smoke. Ive had lots of friends who had to end relationships as living with a canabis smoker was no fun at all and had no future.

So OP, you just have to let her go. You cant change her. People can give it up, but most enjoy it, so they decide not to.

Cheap Thrills!

I dont understand....first of all you said it was just a couple of joints a day and then you said it was 'excessive use' and 'all day every day' ???

A couple of joints a day is negligable in most peoples book even if it was pollen/skunk that'd be considered a 'day off' to most cannabis users! :cool:

Excessive use would be 20/30 joints a day.

I think you should back off really because it sounds to me that the cannabis is not what's bugging you. I think what's bugging you is she is distant and moody with you and you want to get into her but she's not into it.

No point in using the cannabis 'concern' as an excuse for contact etc. You'll only alienate her further.