Anonomus letters

Billiejo

At the beginning of my career (going nowwhere at the time, before added qualifications) I became friends with a highly qualified person at work. It was she who pushed me towards further education.
During this initial period she had a problem with a relative who worked for our company at a different location. Apparently the relative reportedly had a large amount of company goods hidden in her home and was using them privately while impersonating a higher professional role than was her level at work. (Example; same as secretary pretending to be Barrister)
'My friend' asked me to secretely leave an anonymous letter, outlining the above at her relatives work place reception.
At this time I had become quite anxious & weary of her manipulative ways but was afraid / uneasy / ashamed of appearing timid or foolish etc. and only found out much later others thought her to be a bully, "a person not to be crossed".

I took the letter because I was sadly afraid not too, but I burned it and pretended I had done as asked. For ages afterwards when no action appeared to have occured she would always try to get me alone demanding if I knew why, and sadly I pretended I had no idea.

Roll on a few years when both of us had moved on and up to different positions and locations and only met at meetings or spoke on the telephone through work purposes.
Meanwhile I had continued my studies which by this time had superceeded her degree level which she found out about. I was made aware of this when she telephoned me putting on a pretend sultry tone making catty remarks about "too big for boots clever Irish ***etc". And some more.!

A couple of weeks later I received a large envelope filled with derogatory insulting material in the Internal post and opened it in an office with three colleagues as wittness.
It was a bunch of cut outs from magazines and newspapers with quotations circled with black marker. One was racest, another stated (just because one has a certain qualification dosent mean being capable of doing role). Another; 'people with mental illness not fit for our profession. The worst one was a newspaper clipping of a named rapest (same family name as mine) but no connection.
I broke down crying and took the stuff to HR, to be told to throw it in the bin and forget. Ten years now and I still have'nt forgotten.

For days after I was consumed by the thought of who could hate me so much to go to all the bother of collecting, cutting & photo copying such malicious stuff. Then I recognised the newspaper clip as belonging to a local one from 'My friends' home area.
99% Rightly or 1% wrong!, history and my whole being felt it was she. I never saw, or spoke to her again.
What could I have done differently. I still cant forget.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

Wow what a story its like something you would hear in a TV soap, like who ever went to the bother of creating such a letter is seriously out to hate and carry around resentment that is the other persons sanity in question not yours! i can see why this has played on your mind and i bet your instincts were that you knew it was this woman the whole letter thing is a bit too close to home after what she asked you to do.... God i cant imagine office environments because i am an artist and i work for myself, i could never handle the 9-5 and people dynamics, but your situation sounds awful like always having to watch your back around people like that.

So i get the impression you would like to find a way to move on from this situation as it still brings up emotion today, the way to do this is by just talking about it and seeing it for what it really is, her bullying and manipulations have cause shame and confusion to you but she has just been projecting her fears and insecuritues into you, and you have internalized them because you did not know how to deal with that, i have done this myself and swallowed down feelings that have hurt me and picked up on others peoples sh1t when it was not my own, but that is all you are doing, taking on her sh1t. Try and see her as the weak one here because bullies are always the insecure ones, she tool your kindness for weakness and overpowered you at times but you always had your own strength and its time now to see that, see how strong you are, how you achieved the degree you wanted and how you got away from all that chaos, it is not you! it might be worth while writing out a paragraph of this story on a piece of paper and drawing a woman on it and writing beside her, NO MORE!

today i release the need to carry this any further, write doen a statement like that, and then let it float away in a river or burn it in a fire! its just a little ritual that might help the moving on process, then when the memory arises again you just keep picturing how you dealt with that sistuation and let it go, i never try and force myself not to feel or stop a traumatic memory because they will come from time to time but realize that you are the awareness behind the memory so it doesnt have the power to consume you, acknowledge it in that moment and then let it go! thats what i try and do anyway.

Believe in yourself, it is your truth that you are a good person, see that, LOVELIGHT xoxo

bronte

Heya, that is something mindblowing to have gone through. Really.

The truth is , you couldn't possibly have done anything differently.
This persons actions are all their own. Nothing to do with you.
It does sound as though they have serious issues that need dealing with, but that is not your responsibility.
This person will need to recognize their problems and address them.
None of this is your fault, you were caught in the crossfire, that's all.

Be proud of what you've achieved.

Taltos

OP - you are wondering what you could have done differently?

1. You could have gone thru with her original request and for ever feel the shame...
2. You could have just refused - and she would have made your life a misery.

So - you made the best possible choice.
Clearly this person never grew up - and sadly your HR never progressed this as they should have. I would have been angry at them. - But you should feel pride in yourself.

Try to put this poisonous person behind you. Sadly there are a few like her out there - hopefully having now met one you will be able to recognize them early enough and will not get sucked into their crazy mind games.
Going forwards if this were ever to repeat - again goto HR and also consider going to the Gardai.... I think once the law become involved HR would have been alot more responsive.

But for what it's worth from a stranger - you rock.

Billiejo

Thank you guys.
Funny and surprising.........how as I read your comments I got a little bit of closure.
This is the first time I have ever written down what happened because it is/ was so emotionally potent it became so confusing to put into words.

Yes I could have gone with her origional request and forever felt the shame. How Glad I felt when I read this. Because I really do feel glad now.

Yes; She would have made my life a misery.> Definately.