Developing an eating disorder

LegacyUser

I dont know but i know im not eating enough and im at my perfect weight. Losing more and il be just bones or so people tells me. But i look and feel fat. I dont know how much weight i lost recently (since june) but i definately have lost some as my clothes feel big. I have to wear belts on my pants.

I am eating so i dont have anorexia. On a typical day i might have a bowl of cereal in the morning. A yoghurt and breakfast bar as a snack around midday. And a sandwich or roll which iv made myself (cause i know exactly what goes into it) at lunchtime. I dont want butter or mayonaise for fear of adding extra calories. I will just have 2 slices of bread with a slice of cheese. I always pick stuff with the lowest amount of calories too. And in the evening, it might be another bowl of cereal or a small can of beans or a small can of tuna with a few crackers. At a guess im probably taking in between 1000-1200 calories a day. Its not enough, i have been passing out alot also which i am assuming from not eating properly.

What brought it all on? My grandmother died at the start of the summer. I was making a major life change in august. I was preparing to go back to college to follow my dream. But to do the course i wanted to do, i had to move away from home and give up with work. Giving up with work wasn't a bad idea as i didn't like it but i miss the money. I miss home. So im on my own. Im in a course i love but most of the students are younger than me. Im in my late twenties and i feel that they concentrate more on drink and going out more than anything else. That can be a good thing but i dont want to live for drink.

And to top it all off, which i think is the real reason behind it all is the guy i liked for ages was messing with my head. I used to work with him and always liked him so at my going away party he kissed me and gave me his number. He told me after that he had a partner, which i didn't know about and he even wanted to see me. By seeing me he even asked to come to come to bed with me. I thought he might be having problems and he wanted to move on but how wrong was i. Its been 7 weeks and nothing. ...Im not even worth seeing. He just wanted to use me. .... From someone i have always liked, its killing me.

The same thing happened a few years ago, i was messed about by another guy. What did i do? I lost 5 stone. I got myself down to a size 10-12. Oh wait until he sees me type of thing. Though i needed to lose that weight. But i cant lose another 5 stone for some guy messing with my head. But for every pound i lose i feel so much happier with myself, more in control. I havn't weighed myself as i dont have a weighing scales but my clothes are feeling bigger. The last time i weighed myself i was just below 10 stone a couple of weeks ago. I realy dont want to lose more weight but im not hungry.

How do i stop this from going further?

Roselm

Have a look at bodywhys.ie which is a website with online support and advice relating to eating disorders.

I think you are very lucky that you are aware of this now and looking for advice on how to manage your eating patterns as this could get out of control for you.

I suppose the main thing is, as you have identified, managing your food intake is a way of feeling in control and linked to management of difficult emotions. However food can never answer this need so finding support around this is very important so that you can be helped to find away of managing without hurting yourself.

Good luck with everything