She's on Self Destruct

LegacyUser

Ok don't know what to do here, either try and help or say feck it not my problem anymore. Basically my ex-girlfriend who I still worry about as a friend that she is ok etc is on a self destruct mode, she has constant mood swings and her emotions are all over the place. She according to her has not had a relationship since we broke up and to be honest thats her business not mine. She confides in me now and again by text about some personal issues she is dealing with which I knew all about when we were dating. She sends texts saying she is going to end it and wishes she was dead and that everyone would not miss her. Thats not true but I dont know what to say or do anymore. We will never be a couple again cause I cant deal with it as I have enough going in my life as it is. I feel like going to her parents but they dont like me anyway and her closet friends don't know half of what is going on in her life. Do I ignore or get help for her???

easynote

007boy wrote: »

I feel like going to her parents but they dont like me anyway

Nevermind if they don't like you, they will be grateful you told them.

Go with what you feel like doing, it is the most sensible thing to do.

LegacyUser

I know but she is in her late twenties so no teenager and is currently living at home due to financial and other reasons. Her parents are also a problem according to her being tough and very interfering in her life and her money matters which they control.

coolcat63

Forward the messages to her parents. Never mind that they don't like you - they'd like you a whole lot less if something happened and they didn't know. Tell them, but don't get sucked in to the drama (delicate balancing required).

Ickle Magoo

I would drop round to her parents and show them the messages so they know they are being sent from her so she can get the help she clearly needs.

All the best.

LegacyUser

Cheers thanks but she is no teenager but in her late twenties, her parents have been giving her a hard time according to her and have been the cause of her problem which she has had since her teenage years and something only a few know about. I am afraid of what she might do as well if I go to her parents as well. God i feel like a horrible person in that I am dammed if I do and dammed if I don't. She is currently not talking to me cause I lied to her when I recived a text from a friend(female) and said it was one of the Lads but she saw the name and broke down and said that I lied to her after she poured her heart out to me etc, just really confused whats going on in her head???

easynote

007boy wrote: »

I know but she is in her late twenties so no teenager and is currently living at home due to financial and other reasons. Her parents are also a problem according to her being tough and very interfering in her life and her money matters which they control.

If she is that old, don't contact her parents, unless you feel like that is what you should do. Tell her that if she does not seek other help, you will have to contact her parents as you are worried about her. Offer to go with her the first time, to a therapist or a doctor or whatever it may be. Make it clear that you support her as a friend, not a potential getting back together-activity. I suppose you need to put this bit of effort into it, since you seem to be the only she turns to, and she may actually be serious about her threats. Although, don't forgot to constantly remind her that you do it as a friend who cares for her, but that if she tries to use it as a way of getting back with you, you will withdraw your support.

estar

hi there

if you are concerned about her mental health it is not for you to decide what action should be taken but rather her family. if not her parents, then a sister or brother.

as an ex you can only be a friend, but friends should not have to counsel other friends on a regular basis not to kill themselves.

this puts too much pressure on the friendship. and you arent qualified to offer the right support. you as her friend should put her in touch with people that can help her.

and also you need to think of yourself. it is too much pressure to be the only person that knows she is suicidal.

i often think people find people to tell who they know will act for them - ie stop them. she is crying out for help right now, so get it for her by contacting her family, but maybe not the parents.

at least tell some other people what is going on so you have support.

also i dont see how it is relevant to her who texts you if you are not going out. that is none of her business, and that is the answer you should give in order to be clear about your relationship and set proper boundaries.

LegacyUser

estar wrote: »

hi there

if you are concerned about her mental health it is not for you to decide what action should be taken but rather her family. if not her parents, then a sister or brother.

as an ex you can only be a friend, but friends should not have to counsel other friends on a regular basis not to kill themselves.

this puts too much pressure on the friendship. and you arent qualified to offer the right support. you as her friend should put her in touch with people that can help her.

and also you need to think of yourself. it is too much pressure to be the only person that knows she is suicidal.

i often think people find people to tell who they know will act for them - ie stop them. she is crying out for help right now, so get it for her by contacting her family, but maybe not the parents.

at least tell some other people what is going on so you have support.

also i dont see how it is relevant to her who texts you if you are not going out. that is none of her business, and that is the answer you should give in order to be clear about your relationship and set proper boundaries.

Thanks for that, helps me look at the whole situation in another veiw point as well. I will make contact with someone in her family this week as I dont think her best friend is much help to her at the moment as she is on a wild spree at the moment. Just wish she would see this thread as well.