Utterly Confused

LegacyUser

First let me tell you guys that I'm trying to be as comprehensible as possible. But the situation I'm in is a tad convuluted. I hope I can give you a fair idea of what's going on.. Then maybe you can shed some light on what the problem is.

My current situation is confusing and frustrating me. I met this guy at work. I liked him and it seemed he liked me. He was always looking for my attention, always nice to me. He's Polish, I'm English. Prepare for a convuluted story:
Eventually he get me alone and awkwardly asks if I could be a tour guide to him. Ok, not what I was looking for but that's fine. I show up on the day, dressed casually. He shows up in a dress shirt and nice shoes. WTH? I show him around a bit and he keeps anxiously asking me to talk, claiming his English isn't good enough. When we sit down for a drink together he keeps hastling me to tell him about myself. Eventually I ask what it is he wants and he starts babbling on about how he needs me to help him with his English. But that's not all he wants, is it?
So I agree. We start talking a lot via email and suddenly he's being as flirty as I wished he had been when we met up. We talk about anything and everything; it seems like it's going well, right? So after our first lesson I start really asking what he wants (via email). Eventually he answers my question: Sex. Well, that's ok with me, and I tell him so. Then the reply: but can you stop yourself from becoming attached? So he just wants a fling? Alright. We could try that. So I assure him I can manage. For the next few days he's very moody and will barely talk to me. Maybe he was only joking about not getting attached? IDK!
So the next lesson rolls around. We're in his house and things start getting intimate. But it's all just kissing and exploring. He eventually stops saying he wants to make sure I keep coming back ....ok? If he's just after sex why does he care about that?
Lesson 3 is where it gets interesting. We start getting really worked up and it seems like something's about to happen. When I'm undressed all he can say is 'you're naked!' and look at me in near-fear. He doesn't even want me to look at him naked - even when I try to catch a glimpse he keeps hiding his thing. He delays for a bit and I realise he's lost his erection. He's getting worked up now and after a bit he just gives up. I get him to sit on the edge of the bed and just try to soothe him - until he tries to go again. Once again, loses his readiness. He's clearly upset about what's happening so I agree that I should go.
In the past couple of days since that happened his attitude has been really bad - he's snappy and just not himself. He gets annoyed at me when I try to calm him. Eventually I get the email : "You seem to put a lot of thought into something that's only temporary!" ....Okaaaay.
So maybe I do like him. Maybe I AM having trouble separating my feelings. But he's downright confusing me! Perhaps he's the one having trouble with his emotions...
I think I should just come clean and have a heart-to-heart with him. Is it wise?

Also I'm sorry this is so long. I'm trying to lay out exaclty what's been going on as clearly as possible. But it's hard for even me to keep track of.

EDIT (other things I thought of):
-When we were fooling around on the second lesson, he mentioned something about us having 'an interesting relationship'. "No! Wait! That's not the right word for it! ....Why do you look so frightened??"
-Showing me photos of his sister's wedding, asking if I ever wanted to get married, if I wanted kids. Then going on about how nice it was that so many PolishXEnglish people were getting married.

Kismetly

2 things spring to mind.

1. Cultural Issues - it's possible he's come from quite a conservative eastern european background, perhaps hasn't had a lot of sexual experience and he's surprised by how "easy" it was to talk you into a casual relationship. He's probably not disappointed, but may feel a bit intimidated. I had a couple of experiences with eastern european men in Romania and they certainly had different expectations and capacity in relation to sexual relationships.

2. He may say he wants it casual, but men are weird like that. There is also the possibility (and I say this kindly and with the utmost respect) that he's looking for a visa???

Take care of yourself and make sure you are OK with where this is at!

estar

im sorry but why are you putting up with this? you deserve someone straightforward and easy to understand. this isnt even fun and a fling is meant to be. if it was casual sex why the torture. if it was a relationship then why the mixed messages. that kind of carry on would infuriate me. what about you? what you want? it seems to be all about him. his english lessons, his tour, his fling. do you want a man you have to run around after and pander to? or someone who meets you as an equal with no immature ridiculousness.

i would not have anything to do with this guy, as he doesnt know what he wants and sounds like a head wrecker. its not rocket science, i cant see why even when you are making it so simple for him he is still making a mess of it.

life should be simple and uncomplicated. this is not for you.

estar

you seem to have put a lot of thought into something temporary.

like he sounds charmless and rude, and i have been chatted up by a man who didnt speak any english, but still managed to be nice, charming and kind. even if he did think it was temporary, there is no need to be so bald about it. that takes all the romance out of it.

you are wasting yourself on this man, and this sounds to me like a trip down dead end street.

Distorted

Becky Babe wrote: »

He eventually stops saying he wants to make sure I keep coming back ....ok? If he's just after sex why does he care about that?

He sounds manipulative and on the make. What exactly do you like about him? He sounds dreadful. Is he paying you for lessons or what? What a very very strange relationship. If you want to continue to entertain this man and his strange notions, be prepared I think for more strangeness. He sounds as though he is hiding something and has a hidden agenda. Maybe he is gay! The talk about increasing numbers of Polish/Irish marriages is odd too since marriages are between people who are in love, not of particular nationalities...

coolcat63

Sorry, but he seems like far too much like hard work. If there is a chance of a relationship - as opposed to an awkward fling - you need to spend much more time together and really get to know one another. Only you can decide if he's worth it.

Miss Fluff

Um, why are you even bothering? He hasn't brought one single solitary thing to the table. He's rude, he's using you to learn English and you're not even getting a decent shag out it! Why would you even bother talking to him let alone getting involved with him on any level?

Wonkagirl

Distorted wrote: »

What exactly do you like about him? He sounds dreadful.

That's exactly what i was thinking as well, my skin was CRAWLING reading her post, what a C.R.E.E.P!

yuck