Long Distance....Confused!!

LegacyUser

Hey Everyone ,

Sorry , If this sounds silly but I need some advice.

I've been in a Long Distance Relationship with my boyfriend for awhile now . Evrything has been going well so far ... he is in the UK and i'm here and we both take turns to visit ... normally every month / fortnight .

Anyway the past while I'm getting the impression he is getting tired of it all . He only wants to Skype for an hour once a week , he never contacted me the other day at all and then called me that night telling me how much he loves me etc etc .... only for me to realise the next day that he was drunk and didn't remember any of it ... I just feel bad i guess , like i'm in his way or this is very inconvinent for him . We mostly use Skype and text to keep in contact ...so the small things are important to keep in contact but I'm not sure if im paranoid or what ..
I guess I just want to know if anyone has been through this before and how they delt with it !
Thanks for reading

Kismetly

Hi LDConfused

Long distance relationships are hard. I'm in one too. I work 2 weeks out of every month on a small Pacific Island, my boyfriend lives in Northern Australia and I live in Southern Australia - at any one time there's something like 3000km between us and we only get to see each other 4 or 5 days per month). It's crazy.

The thing I've found about LD relationships is when it does get weird it's hard to sort it out because you don't want to waste the precious time you have talking or seeing each other with long discussions about "what's going on here".

My best advice, is pull back a little bit. It's amazing how much they come towards you when they feel as though you are moving away.

It's good news he called you when he was drunk really - means he was thinking of you and not snogging someone else!!!! (joking )

darad

You can use telephone codes to make cheap calls to UK that only cost the price of a local call, likewise so can he. To be honest its what has kept my LDR alive as I couldnt cope with chatting once a week. Good luck.

_Andy_

Hi there OP,

My gf and I are survivors of a LDR and so when I saw this post I just had to reply. We were only going out about a month or two when she had to move to the other end of the country, but we knew we had something special so decided to give it a shot. It's been a year later since she moved away and no she's back and we're still going strong, so IMO they can work, but you BOTH have to put in the time and the effort...and most importantly the trust.

This is my experience anyway, take it as you may. We saw each other maybe once every one, two or three weeks. But ee spoke everyday on the phone, sometimes for hours at night, sometimes for a few minutes just to hear each others voice. I felt that was crucial to talk everyday as I was afraid that if we skipped a day then we'd skip more and more, etc. Phone bill got a bit mental sometimes but it was worth it. Skype is the best answer to any LDR, never underestimate it

Yes there were some days that I didn't feel like talking much, or that she didn't feel like talking much, but still we tried, if only to say 'Goodnight'. Some nights we just sat there in silence but still it was just the fact that we were in someway connected to each other that helped.

You can also do things to help a LDR, send presents (photos, your favourite hoodie that has your smell on it), write a personal letter, surprise visit and did I mention Skype :P

Now you were saying that your bf or gf (sorry can't remember if you are male or female) wasn't being very chatty, well that happened to myself too and as another poster said, I pulled back a bit, and sure enough I was being shouted at (in a nice way) for not calling or chatting. It seems harsh and may be hard to do in a LDR but it's a good "test" to see how the other person is feeling bout the whole thing.

Anyway, that's enough outta me but I'd say just try the 'pull back' test, maybe ask them why they aren't being so chatty and take it from there. Just know this, LDRs do work more often than people think, and by the time you are reunited your relationship will be a hell of a lot stronger than people not in a LDR and who have being going out much longer. You both just have to make the effort

Hope it works out

PS: Check this site out for tips on LDRs, kinda cheesey in some places :P www.coupledtogether.com

Taltos

Hi OP

LDRs are tough - so much we take for granted in std relationships have to be put on hold or missed altogether.

As well as the advice above can I suggest injecting a little spark again by trying to be spontaneous?
How? - well little messages / physical letters / maybe small gifts / random I miss you texts at times of the day when we all feel crappy - early morning/after lunch...

Stick with it though if this person is important for you - the key thing though is communication.
Talking is even MORE important here - let him know how you are feeling - not so much that he is getting bored so much but you know what I mean - talk about concerns and worries when they arise - don't let them snowball...

Best of luck.