getting over break up advice

LegacyUser

dmchale wrote: »

im exactly in the same position and finding it very hard to get over my ex. im so glad this thread exists. basically i was miss my ex 5 years and we split over 16 months now. Im 32 and with her since i was 25. i lost a hell of a lot than just a girlfriend. think this was the first time and only time ive ever truly been in love and i think of her everyday. certain things such as places, songs, even the stupid things send images her into my mind and i think of the times we had, the things we did. her smile, the way she loved me etc.. and it kills knowing when i open my eyes, she isnt there. As said, 16 months on, I feel old, i feel tired, i feel alone and i wish i could just turn it off. I see myself at a crossroads looking both left and right, but thats it. no moving forward in any specific direction. just stood still as time goes by. people moving on with their lives, making advances in all aspects, but me and its sickening. Im 32 going on 50 and well, i aint getting any younger. to be honest i dont have that many friends. i lost most of my (so called) friends when we broke up but thats another story. So yeah its more than just 'hard' to deal with.

I know what the OP means when you say the thought of being with anyone else makes your stomach turn because i feel exactly the same. nobody can replace what you've lost and being with someone else to 'fill the void' is kinda selfish because you are in practice pretending to like someone for all the wrong reasons and only possibly causing more hurt to both you and the other person. i could not be with someone right now and cant see it happening for a long time if ever. being burnt once is enough for me to throw in the towel with relationships.

I wish i could give you an answer of how to get over this and make it right for you, but if i ever come across this answer i'll be sure to let you know the secret first. just so you know, your not the only one that has the same feelings. guess we think we're goin mad when we feel like the way we do when something tragic happens in our lives. wish u all the best

This is the best post I've read in a long time. I'm male too, and I feel the very same, somewhere between broken and dead inside. All I really ever feel since I lost her is a hollow, dull, ache inside. We broke up in May and I proposed to her in June in a last "give-it-all-I've-got" type gesture. But to no avail. I've tried dating others but all I can think of is her. I miss her so much and I can't do anything about it. God I've tried though. I left that city - my home - and I quit my job and moved elsewhere. I left all our mutual friends behind as the pain of having any connection to her is too much for me to bear. I'm meeting new people, keeping active, but for nothing. I dream of her, I cry to myself a lot, and she is burned into my brain. I wanted to be with her forever. She was my best friend and my girlfriend and someone I wanted to be with until my dying day. This breakup is not like any previous one I've had and I know in my heart of hearts I'll still love her when I'm an old man (I'm 28 now). I don't know how to live without my Marie and it's killing me. I don't want to feel like this for much longer. I don't think I can put up with it anymore. I am broken and always will be. I hate it.

Ickle Magoo

bereft, I've given your own thread so the other thread can be left for advice relevant to the original poster.

LegacyUser

I'm so sorry, bereft.

When my heart was broken, not just my heart but my whole life after 15 years, I didn't know how to survive.

After a long time, the broken pieces seemed to coagulate and stop hurting.

Then after another couple of years I found myself smiling again. And it seemed to be the same self, back again.

And life is very good again now.

But yes, it's hell first.

IrishEyes19

bereft wrote: »

This is the best post I've read in a long time. I'm male too, and I feel the very same, somewhere between broken and dead inside. All I really ever feel since I lost her is a hollow, dull, ache inside. We broke up in May and I proposed to her in June in a last "give-it-all-I've-got" type gesture. But to no avail. I've tried dating others but all I can think of is her. I miss her so much and I can't do anything about it. God I've tried though. I left that city - my home - and I quit my job and moved elsewhere. I left all our mutual friends behind as the pain of having any connection to her is too much for me to bear. I'm meeting new people, keeping active, but for nothing. I dream of her, I cry to myself a lot, and she is burned into my brain. I wanted to be with her forever. She was my best friend and my girlfriend and someone I wanted to be with until my dying day. This breakup is not like any previous one I've had and I know in my heart of hearts I'll still love her when I'm an old man (I'm 28 now). I don't know how to live without my Marie and it's killing me. I don't want to feel like this for much longer. I don't think I can put up with it anymore. I am broken and always will be. I hate it.

Bereft, you're so young though and there is always a chance that someone else will touch your life as magically as your ex did. Not in the same way of course, because every relationship is different. But you sound like someone who has given up hope already. I really do believe that things happen for a reason and life draws people together and pulls them apart for a reason. You sound very decent, but also incredibly unhappy and you won't be broken forever. May was not a long time ago, so you are still very much in the healing process, not even healing yet. All I can say from experience is that, it will hurt for a while if you truly loved that person, however time will slowly turn that hurt into something else, confidence to get back out there again.