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How to learn to trust again...

  • 30-09-2010 08:44PM
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    So I've been told on more than one occasion that I have 'issues with trust'. I was told this by previous boyfriends.
    I tried internet dating - and I never trusted that one of them wasn't seeing other women while he was seeing me. I have had other long term boyfriends, and always assumed they were looking at or seeing, other women.

    So I guess I don't trust men in general, and I always think they are out to 'con' me in some way. Make a fool of me. Make me love or care for them, only to walk away when I'm hooked.

    I was abused as a child by a brother of mine. Nothing severe or traumatic - nothing like any of the abuse stories you'd read in the media - but it was sexual abuse all the same. I believe now, that I underestimated alot of it. Even looking at the news about the horror stories of horrendous sexual abuse in families, I would always count myself 'lucky' that that didn't happen to me.

    I won't go into the detail of the abuse, but I was naked, he wasn't. I was 7ish - he was 20ish, and yet, I always felt lucky, that i wasn't actually violated the way others were (in the media). I was never touched and I apologise if this is too much to read.

    So years on, and I've had counselling and 'dealt' with my issues - but I obviously haven't. I now find it extremely difficult to have relationships without this 'you have issues with trust' coming up. I always assume that the men I date have a hidden agenda...that they don't really like me, and that there is a motive to them dating me. So how do I learn to trust again??? I never really saw the connection between the abuse, and the trust of men in general, until lately....anyone been through similar and what did you do?


Comments

  • #2
    Kevster
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,980 ✭✭✭Kevster


    Hey,

    You will hear different reasons as to why you lasck trust, but maybe it's not that important to understand what caused it for now. THe important thing to realise is that you are actually here talking about it. You have recognised it is a problem and you are open (it seems...) to dealing with it.

    I had to have therapy to get through my 'erratic' way of seeing the world, and I admit that lack of trust was part of that 'erratic' outlook. I believe that I lacked trust because I had no friends of my own and wanted to be around my partner 'forever'. She had her own friends, however, and understandably didn't want to be with me constantly.

    So, are you putting too much into relationships, when you should be focussing on your own life too (i.e. indepewndent of your partner)?

    Take care,
    Kevin


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