Pay the prist??

cathy01

A friend of mine is getting married, and I cant belive the cost of the prist.
First they wont accept her date without a €250 deposit, than it s €50 for the prist to lay the alter.Than they want a contribution/donation.
In my day , I put a few bob in an envelope and gave it to the prist.
Surly this is wrong.€250 , for what.Her family are church goes and would have given that and the rest in their weekly envelope.
Is this the norm??

Featherl

I have never heard of a €250 security deposit - a security deposit for what exactly???

€50 to lay the alter - what for?

I have heard if a bride wants to marry in a church outside of her parish, she must pay priest/church for this..

cathy01

I know, my question exactly, for what.50 euro for laying the alter.I think, I could be wrong, but GASP, she has a child out of weedlock.
I wonder if they are playing silly beggers with her because of this.
Has anyone else ever had to pay a deposit.They wouldnt hold the date untill they get €250 .Maddness.

JonJoeDali

cathy01 wrote: »

A friend of mine is getting married, and I cant belive the cost of the prist.
First they wont accept her date without a €250 deposit, than it s €50 for the prist to lay the alter.Than they want a contribution/donation.
In my day , I put a few bob in an envelope and gave it to the prist.
Surly this is wrong.€250 , for what.Her family are church goes and would have given that and the rest in their weekly envelope.
Is this the norm??

You won't get an organist for less than €200, I don't know why you think you'd get priest for less than that.

cathy01

Because the prist works for God, and God doesnt have a membership fee.What next, cheques before the last rights.
Its wrong.
Poeple give a huge amount of cash to pay for the church so they can allow people to marry without having to fork out to the prist.
Its wrong, very very wrong.

noxqs

Priests provide a service. How much is a plumber or a carpenter? Its a profession like many others - the costs of running a church might just be slightly higher than a 1 or 2 man plumber business with a van as office.

Priests got bills too

Whispered

But a priest doesn't pay for the upkeep of the church, the parisioners do. You can't compare it to someone running a business like a carpenter.

Joey the lips

Nothing personal towards you op but this arguement is as old as time...

Everyone seems to give out about the money they give to the church and yet they spend thousends on getting p1ssed....

Try a cival wedding.....

You have to pay for that as well.....

Whispered

for a civil you pay only €150 plus travel expenses for the registrar, and the hotel you have your reception in usually provides the room and decor. It's important to remember that the priest is not a business man out to make a profit - his main concern should be marrying two mass going members of his parish. Not how much he can make from it. It's supposed to be a spiritual vocation, not a money making opportunity.

The priest who is marrying us (in a week :eek:) does not charge when you are from the parish because the assumption is made that you help towards the upkeep of the church anyway. A donation is suggested though, but nothing official. If you're from outside the parish, €400 is the fee. Is your friend marrying outside her parish? If she is, I can understand it in a way.

Joey the lips

Whispered wrote: »

for a civil you pay only €150 plus travel expenses for the registrar, and the hotel you have your reception in usually provides the room and decor. It's important to remember that the priest is not a business man out to make a profit - his main concern should be marrying two mass going members of his parish. Not how much he can make from it. It's supposed to be a spiritual vocation, not a money making opportunity.

The priest who is marrying us (in a week :eek:) does not charge when you are from the parish because the assumption is made that you help towards the upkeep of the church anyway. A donation is suggested though, but nothing official. If you're from outside the parish, €400 is the fee. Is your friend marrying outside her parish? If she is, I can understand it in a way.

That was exactly my understanding but i did not want to get into it.....

cathy01

No,its her local parish. Her parents go to mass every week and lots of people give weekly envelopes to the church.It should be about the marraige.Asking for 50 quid to set up the alter is beyond wordds.Its a disgrace.

It may be as old as time the notion but I have never heard of it.When i got married we just gave a few bob in an envelope.Thats it, no set fees.It terrible.
Wonder how much a funeral is, or, first communion??

ThePiedPiper

Cathy, I do agree that 250 quid might seem a bit steep but there's probably a few issues at play here.

1. The costs of insuring, heating, maintaining a church are huge.
2. Mass attendances are way way down in the past few years so the weekly envelope is not enough to cover these costs.
3. Are your friends regular mass-goers who contribute their weekly envelope themselves? If they are not, then why should they feel entitled to the use of the church and the priest's time for a rehearsal mass that'll take about an hour, a wedding that'll take probably at least two hours from when the priest arrives until he goes home.

In addition, maybe your friend should think about what the most important aspect of her getting married is. For me, it was standing on the alter with all my family and friends promising my wife that I would love her forever. Incidentally, that part of the wedding was cheaper than the hotel, the band, the rings, suit hire, shoes, dresses, hair, honeymoon, and just about everything else that we paid for.

Whispered

RunForestRun wrote: »

In addition, maybe your friend should think about what the most important aspect of her getting married is. For me, it was standing on the alter with all my family and friends promising my wife that I would love her forever. Incidentally, that part of the wedding was cheaper than the hotel, the band, the rings, suit hire, shoes, dresses, hair, honeymoon, and just about everything else that we paid for.

I have to say with nothing but respect, I always find this type of reply very condescending and persumptious. Perhaps her friends do go to mass, maybe (like me) her family has helped towards the wedding costs so the cost to her friends are minimum, maybe like me they have had a job loss in the run up to the wedding and are trying to save everywhere including the church. It could be considered rude to question somebodys faith because they asked if a payment is normal and feel that their monthly contributions and an envelope on the day should be enough to use THEIR parish church.

The priest does not own the church, the parish does, and as such, in my opinion, an active parishioner should not have to pay for use of the church. Yes a few quid in an envelope to thank the priest for his time is a definate must, but a fixed charge of €300?

Surely he doesn't get paid €50 for each mass he says daily which clearly indicates he is taking advantage of the fact the word "wedding" has been mentioned, like nearly every other supplier you have to go to. A wedding should not be about costs, you are correct in saying that, but it should work both ways.

Maybe I'm spoiled, our parish priest is not charging us, is always available to speak to us, returns calls quickly and is very very helpful. When I recently thanked him for taking a call at 9pm, he said "oh that's fine, this job is not a 9-5".

BC

Its unusual to have to pay the priest if its the parish where either the bride or groom are currently living. Thats not the parish they grew up in, but they one they currently live in. But at the end of the day, the priest/church can decide however they see fit.

Weddings do take up time for the priest, they have to fill out the pre nuptual enquiry, do a rehearsal, write a sermon etc. In this day and age where priests are scarce, they charge for it.

skregs

50 bills is hardly going to kill her is it? probably spent 2 grand on a dress without blinking

Whispered

And she probably spent less than 100. It happens you know. You can't just assume everyone has that type of money to spend on a dress.

cathy01

Nither she or her partner are working.
Her parents go to mass, well her mum does everyday.
Its not so much the money its the fact they charge at all.What if, they didnt have the money and where does it end.
cathy

Joey the lips

cathy01 wrote: »

Nither she or her partner are working.
Her parents go to mass, well her mum does everyday.
Its not so much the money its the fact they charge at all.What if, they didnt have the money and where does it end.
cathy

If they did not have the money you can bet she would not be charged.... and if they both are not working is it morally right that they spend so much money on a wedding when they are prob drawing welfare...

There is loads of potential arguements here or as you say where does it end...

As i said at the beginning she would have paid most of that to a cival registar and that would go no where near her local church...


If she has not got it she can say that to the priest.. but i bet she wont justify saying that then pulling up in a limo whilst on the dole...

Ginny

Also remember she will still have to pay the €150 to registar their intent to marry.

cathy01

Oh my God, presumption made there.
:eek:
I never said shes going the whole hog, white dress, limos .
Her parents will mostly likely lend a hand, and family are going to be helping her out,
Its terrible to think that when someone says wedding people see pound signs.
I know they cost a bomb, normally, but its possible to have a low key , informal doo.
I once went to a wedding, that had a pub lunch menu and a minibus for all the family, inc the bride and groom.We put ribbions on it and the wedding dress was bought in Evens for 30 quid.
One of the best I ever went to.

lazygal

cathy01 wrote: »

Oh my God, presumption made there.
:eek:
I never said shes going the whole hog, white dress, limos .
Her parents will mostly likely lend a hand, and family are going to be helping her out,
Its terrible to think that when someone says wedding people see pound signs.
I know they cost a bomb, normally, but its possible to have a low key , informal doo.
I once went to a wedding, that had a pub lunch menu and a minibus for all the family, inc the bride and groom.We put ribbions on it and the wedding dress was bought in Evens for 30 quid.
One of the best I ever went to.

Bottom line is it costs €150 to get married in Ireland and thats it. Everything else (even the church and priest TBH) is frills. We're getting married in a simple civil service-total cost €150. We are having a party after but thats our choice-it would also be our choice to have a church, hire it, pay a priest etc. We'd still be paying the €150 on top of that.

It costs €150 to get married in Ireland and I am pretty sure those on unemployment assistance may get a reduction. She wants the extras (church and priest) she pays for them. Simple.

BC

cathy01 wrote: »

Nither she or her partner are working.
Her parents go to mass, well her mum does everyday.
Its not so much the money its the fact they charge at all.What if, they didnt have the money and where does it end.
cathy

Her parents go to mass but do the bride or groom?

Kimono-Girl

cathy01 wrote: »

First they wont accept her date without a €250 deposit, than it s €50 for the prist to lay the alter.Than they want a contribution/donation.
In my day , I put a few bob in an envelope and gave it to the prist.
Surly this is wrong.€250 , for what.

we are paying €500 for the church and the priest is free...because he is family and that is the only reason, i still wanted to give him a few hundred quid but i know he won't take it,

when we asked him, we asked would he rather attend as family or be our priest he chose to be our priest because that is his job, he is entitled to be paid just as much as the retail worker...it just happened as he is family he is doing it for us in lieu of a gift!

If she wants to have a priest, pay the man for the work he will be doing, and considering he does the most important part in a church ceremony his job is quite rightly pricey!

talla10

I had to pay €250 deposit to secure the church for my date and didnt see a problem with it. Now this isnt my local church neither it is my fiancee's parish but we didnt have a second thought about paying to use the church

Whispered

Joey the lips wrote: »

If they did not have the money you can bet she would not be charged.... and if they both are not working is it morally right that they spend so much money on a wedding when they are prob drawing welfare...

There is loads of potential arguements here or as you say where does it end...

As i said at the beginning she would have paid most of that to a cival registar and that would go no where near her local church...


If she has not got it she can say that to the priest.. but i bet she wont justify saying that then pulling up in a limo whilst on the dole...

How insulting. I lost my job a few months prior to the wedding. I'm now working nights and getting some assistance for when the work isn't there. We have cancelled our cars, scaled back on our honeymoon hugely. In fact we had cancelled that to until my family got together to pay for a week in europe for us. My dresses (for the whole bridal party) have cost less than a mans suit from a decent shop. My flowers are being done by a friend. We've haggled with the hotel to the point I bet she dreads getting my calls and my OH is working 12 hours a day 6 days a week to try pay for this. You think you have the right to question how moral it is for me to get married because I recieve some assistance - having worked non stop for years?

"most of it" no, 150 is HALF of 300, not only that, the 150 is to be paid either way. So 300 is a good deal of money when in a stuation where money is not easily available.

If my priest was charging that, we would have had no choice but to go civil, is that what the church is trying to achieve?

candlelover wrote: »

If she wants to have a priest, pay the man for the work he will be doing,

The priest is paid for the work he does. I think money in a thank you card is needed, but to put a fee on it like that for parishioners is terrible.

talla10 wrote: »

I had to pay €250 deposit to secure the church for my date and didnt see a problem with it. Now this isnt my local church neither it is my fiancee's parish but we didnt have a second thought about paying to use the church

Then you should have to pay if you're marrying outside your parish because you don't regularly support this church by leaving donations, atttending fund raising events etc. (well thats the assumption). So you're right not to have a second thought. A completly different situation.

Joey the lips

Whispered wrote: »

How insulting. .

Its only insulting because you have not followed. I guarantee if in your ability to haggle with the hotel you went to the priest and said you need a reduction you would get it.

I was making the point about it being morally wrong to spend thousends on a wedding when its all you have left.

If you find it insulting its because you have taken it personel which was not ment.

Whispered

I don't need to get a reduction from the priest, he's not charging us. He sees the wedding as a part of his job and is delighted at the invitation to share the day, the meal, the fun and a few quid in an envelope.;)

As for you talking about my haggling with the hotel, they had no choice but to help out or they would have lost our booking. For a while we were very very close to cancelling the whole thing.

The fact that every second post is questioning how much the OP's friend has spent on other aspects of the wedding, assuming she has spent thousands on her wedding and having no idea of this persons circumstances is ridiculous.

Then for someone to question the morality of someone getting married when they don't have a full time job. Really? You know nothing about the people involved or how much they are spending.

You have said

is it morally right that they spend so much money on a wedding when they are prob drawing welfare...

I know it's not aimed at me personally, but if I posted the same question, you'd think the same thing. She's not working full time - should she even be getting married. As someone who was laid off while halfway through planning a wedding, who had to scale back to a huge extent, with an OH who works ridiculous hours and myself working 12 hour overnight shifts for minumum wage whenever I can get them, it is an insult to see someone question the morality of it all. You probably did not mean it the way it sounds, but it really does sound like you're looking down on those unlucky enough to find themselves in my situation.

Joey the lips

Whispered wrote: »

I know it's not aimed at me personally,.

You really dont get it and there is no point us debateing it. If you feel this report it...

But let me explain it another way.... Is it morally right to go out at christmas time and spend a fortune on toys when you dont have the money to feed your kids.....


Like i say you took it personel so let the mods decided. Would you agree.

Whispered

Joey the lips wrote: »

You really dont get it and there is no point us debateing it. If you feel this report it...

But let me explain it another way.... Is it morally right to go out at christmas time and spend a fortune on toys when you dont have the money to feed your kids.....


Like i say you took it personel so let the mods decided. Would you agree.

Oh for god sake can you not have an adult conversation. I explained to you how it can be insulting and you're telling me to report a post? Thats so silly. I can disagree with something you say without it being a "breach of charter rulse" type thing..

No it's not morally right to spend a fortune on toys at christmas if you can't feed your kids. This discussion has nothing to do with that. You are once again making assumptions about the OPs friends. As is every second post in this thread. It's ridiculous to have a go at the op's friends about something you are assuming to be true. No matter what way you put a spin on it, this is the case. You have absolutely no idea what situation they are in and therefore no right to question the morality of their spending any amount of money.

I did try to explain this to you in a nice way if you read my last post. Do you ask to get the mods involved every time someone disagrees with you?:rolleyes: