No appetite after break up

LegacyUser

Hi,

I'm a 30 yr old guy from Kolkata, India and I'm afraid I have the same issue. Her name was Sneh, she was the only best friend I ever had. I knew her for 9 years. We were seeing each other for about 5 years. Not all of it was rosy. Once her parents found out about me they protested vehemently. The last 2 yrs of the relationship was torture and mental trauma, literally, as she kept on trying to convince her parents and as everyday i would have to hear how her parents told her that I wasn't good for him as I did not have my own business and wasn't rich. I have a decent job and earn my own bread - like any other normal human being. Anyway, after a while we used to end up arguing over petty things n stuff - things were getting a bit abnormal at times. Then she decided to move to Scotland to study in Strathclyde. She contacted this other guy from Kolkata who was studying there and I knew there would be something happenning once she moved there. I wasn't wrong - Within 3 months I knew she was dating that guy and had told that guy that we had already broken up. We broke up over the phone after that and later on when she came down to town we spoke and stuff, but never got back together. The 2 of them got married in December last year.

It's been more than 3 years since we broke up, her best friend is my best friend too now, most of our friends are common and I have few other friends I can talk to about this. I had completely lost my apetite and have lost half my weight. Now, after all these years, I don't feel sad any more for having lost her, but I generally feel depressed in life. I never really gained that weight back any more and now I can hardly eat much - I just don't have the capacity to eat any more. I have good friends but I realy can't talk much about it after so many years - I'm supposed to have moved on and am a loser if I haven't. Honestly I think I'm over her, but I still am scared of approaching anybody in the fear that their parents will disapprove and therefore they will break up with me again. I still get that nightmare of being told how worthless I am, every now and then. I have trouble sleeping, staying awake and socializing.

Nobody knows about this as I'm really supposed to be over things and move on. I take care of my old parents and they don't know about this as they'll get worried. I don't tell friends as they're Sneh's friends too and nobody will ever like me if they come to know that I'm still depressed over a relationship that has ended more than 3 years ago. To add to this, I have a job where I never get to meet anybody and due to work timings I hardly have a social life. It's a good job and pays very well, so I don't even want to leave it and move to another town and start life all over again...The only being I open up to and hug and cry when I'm depressed is my 1.5 year old Black Labrador, MoFo, who I got for company - at least he cares! He is the best thing that ever happenned to me

I was fine when I went to US for 6 months and I got myself a good life there, but things got back to square 1 when i moved back. I tried moving again, but don't have the opportunity or the money to go back. How do I get back to normal again? I want to have a normal life again and life just seems to have come to an end for me. I want to be happy again! Please help!

Oryx

OP, I have moved your post to its own thread so that you will get answers specific to you.

Oryx

LighterGuy

Hi mate,
First off you got it rough. Im sorry

Personally, I think whats hurting you is how the relationship ended and what she did in it... a person can be over an ex. But not how it ended. Which I think is the case here.

To sum it up, your ex was a bi*ch. She continued to be in a "relationship" with you while all she was doing was staying with you until someone else came along... that guy from Kolkata. She is dirt. Its happened to alot of us in life... myself included. So you are not alone

Now, its all about making yourself "whole again"

Basically, you have to move. It sounds like you felt "alive" when you were in the US. ... this is your key to happiness. You have to get away. You list alot of aspects of your life here that are toxic.

basically, you have to start your new life. You have to sit down and think how can you get away. Which is money... but op "with a will, there is a way"

you have to move away.

kylith

It's not unusual to lose your appetite during a stressful time, it's happened me in the past; I just couldn't bring myself to swallow anything. Talking about it does seem to help. Try to get out with friends, if you don't feel that you want to go out with people you know try joining a social group like a book club or something. Try to eat a few bites often rather than sitting down to a big meal.

As LighterGuy said try to start again, move away if you can.

LegacyUser

I really think you should go talk to a professional about whats going on with you...even to talk to someone about what happened will make you feel better. If you feel you cant talk to friends, then a counselor would be your next best thing, and believe me, it feels so much better talking about things.

Some people find it harder to move on then others, it doesn't make you a loser if you are still upset about something 3 years later. It just means that you have taken longer to get help and deal with the situation at hand. Everyone needs help sometimes!

I agree with your dog being a great comfort, I would not have got through some of the things in life if I didn't have my dogs beside me.

What you need to do now is realize you have this problem and do something about it. Even if you change one thing in your life that you are not happy with (ie. increase your social circle, away from people who know your ex) you will find that your confidence will grow within yourself, and you will start to take better care of yourself.

You can be happy again. You just need to take the first step, which is talking and dealing with the problems.