Stuck in a rut..... for over 10 years!!!

LegacyUser

Okay, I had a big long story about my life and how I am where I am. But I'm not sure it needs to be displayed on here. Firstly, I know a lot of the advice would probably be just be to get off my arse and stop being so negative type of thing. Of course, they would be right... but it's not like I hadn't thought of (and tried) that myself, and could do without it.
Also, there was a lot of info there....and there's a small chance that someone I know may read it and connect the dots.


So, I left it out. It's there if I want to post it at some point. Anyway, the thing is.... I think I need counselling. I've thought about it before, but have never made the leap. I don't know where to start.

Firstly, a few quick questions:
1) Cost: What is the standard/average hourly rate?
2) Search: How do I find a therapist/counselor? There's so many out there, how do I find one that would suit me? how do I know if they're any good?
3) Everything else: Any other advice about going to see someone??

Just thinking about it. Should I talk to my GP first?. Perhaps he would recommend someone?

LegacyUser

Not a single response?? I dont think I've ever seen that on Personal Issues before. Is it because I didn't pour my heart? Because I'm looking for advice on how to go about getting help, rather than asking ye to help me?

Oryx

It happens. Your post wasnt up a very long time, just a day.

Im not sure how to go about getting a good counsellor, in my own case it was word of mouth. Your gp would be able to refer you, Im sure. Otherwise you could try some of the websites listed in the stickies. Even phoning the samaritans could be an idea, simply ask them to recommend a counsellor (that line is not just for rock bottom suicide moments you know).

As for counselling, it isnt a magic bullet. It can take time, and you may feel you arent getting anywhere. Its effects sometimes take time to be felt. Your counsellor isnt there to provide any answers, only to hear you out until you figure out your own answers. It can help lots in sorting out muddled thoughts and negativity though.

LegacyUser

Oryx wrote: »

It happens. Your post wasnt up a very long time, just a day.

Fair enough, thanks. I thought that posts were pretty much responded to immediately around here. It also had had plenty of views... 200+ now.

Oryx wrote: »

Im not sure how to go about getting a good counsellor, in my own case it was word of mouth. Your gp would be able to refer you, Im sure. Otherwise you could try some of the websites listed in the stickies. Even phoning the samaritans could be an idea, simply ask them to recommend a counsellor (that line is not just for rock bottom suicide moments you know).

I really hadn't even considered phoning Samaritans or anything. I guess I could do that all right... although, I think I'll ask my GP about it.

Oryx wrote: »

As for counselling, it isnt a magic bullet. It can take time, and you may feel you arent getting anywhere. Its effects sometimes take time to be felt. Your counsellor isnt there to provide any answers, only to hear you out until you figure out your own answers.

Yes, I understand that..... well, to some extent. Surely it's not a case of him just hearing me out until I figure out my answers. I assume he's there to guide me to finding those answers. Otherwise I could just pay a homeless person to listen to me speak for an hour a week

Oryx wrote: »

It can help lots in sorting out muddled thoughts and negativity though.

And that is precisely why I need counselling.

LegacyUser

Another thing. Cost is genuinely a concern. I'm not in the poor house or anything, but I can't exactly afford to be paying someone €50-€100 every week.
What are the going rates?

Oryx

IneedCounselling wrote: »

Another thing. Cost is genuinely a concern. I'm not in the poor house or anything, but I can't exactly afford to be paying someone €50-€100 every week.
What are the going rates?

To be honest, I dont know. It is expensive but you may not attend every week. You need time to kinda absorb what has gone on anyway. The counsellor will guide you, certainly, but in my experience it was a lot more 'hands off' than I expected. But they may challenge your way of thinking and give you tools to take home and put into practice in your life, in order to change your behaviour and situation. So its not quite like just prattling on to a random person.

easynote

In the psychology forum I believe there is a thread on finding good counselling deals.

LegacyUser

IneedCounselling wrote: »

Not a single response?? I dont think I've ever seen that on Personal Issues before. Is it because I didn't pour my heart? Because I'm looking for advice on how to go about getting help, rather than asking ye to help me?

Hi OP, i always find that the weekends are quieter in the personal issues section i have just come on and i saw your post and was going to reply and i didnt mind that you didnt pour your heart out then i saw the post above, you will see many more responses IMO.

Basically it is a courageous move to confront your inner fears and thats basically what therapy is, i did a lot of therapy over the last 10 years, psychotherapy with one on one sessions, i did group therapy with other girls in their 20's and i did relationship therapy with my BF, I am probably pretty fearless at this stage you really do set yourself free from having a space to understand yourself, if you look at it that way that you are investing in your relationship with yourself for the future the more you know about yourself the more confident you become. I had to work through the worst issues you can imagine, physical and sexual abuse and complete abandonment from my parents, i am live with just me from my family now and i am ok with that, and i know it is because i have new skills to emotionally cope and look after myself from the therapy, i promise this will be the best investment you ever make and when you do deal with all your baggage all that is left is to be truly happy, good things will happen also because it does not go un rewarded, for some reason doing this hard work gave me the best rewards of my life. The best thing being self love and self confidence.

Finding a good therapist is key, if it cost money it is a good thing because they can only charge if they are good, best money i ever spent and i was on the dole struggling to find the cash but i had seen so many crap therapist free from the government that i invested in a real professional, i asked her many questions going in like how much experience she had and was she qualified in my area of physical and sexual abuse etc. I went to Arduna in Clontarf. Not sure of any in town but i bet there are some good ones around these days. It cost me €60 a week for 50 mins. You get to a point where it naturally ends you know yourself that you are ready, some weeks are rough and you feel emotionally drained so be prepared on the days to have your evening quiet so you can have a bath or relaxing evening, you need it, and you also need a support network if possible, i was able to talk to my BF about it and some friends and it really helped. All the best X

Three Sheets

Normal "ruts" can be worked out on your own. Try doing something you've always considered difficult. Put yourself in a position unfamiliar to you. Next time you go to Mallorca make no reservations (other than flight tickets) and struggle it out on your own, without a cell phone in your pocket. Discover what it means to be humbled. You'll soon find life less predictable and well out of any "rut".