???

LegacyUser

Hi all,

My partner and I have been in a relationship over three years. I understand that things will not always be like "the honeymoon phase" but I'm generally unhappy. He treats me like a friend sometimes as I wish to be regarded as more.

We had a hiccup early this year (I felt confused when another man asked me to kiss him) where I was unsure about things but realised I was with him for so long - I loved him. He has not said "I love you" since (sober) he only said it when drunk.

He tends to ignore me on staff nights out with his company leaving me alone while they talk about targets etc which I don't understand. I just smile to myself and cringe at the stupidness of me going to these nights out (not too regular thank god)

I don't know what I'm truly hacking at here but how should a woman be treated in a relationship? I wish he would shower me with affection, nights away every once in a while etc etc...am I being too selfish?

Taltos

OP - when you have raised your concerns with him - what has his response been?

If he is dismissive then you do have a problem.
Nothing you seem to be looking for here are extreme - in fact most should be expected, little treats etc.
Of course work do's are different - but you really don't have to go - or if you do - make it clear that you expect him to treat you out some other evening in return for you being the pretty flower on his arm....

Forgot to hone in on that guy asking you to kiss him - you did not say if you did or not - so I really can't comment there - but if you did and are in a relationship - then yes there are serious issues here..

LegacyUser

Hi,

This guy in question was a friend of a guy my friend was seeing. He asked to kiss me but I said no, I have a boyfriend it would not be fair etc.

I've been afraid to ask does he love me straight out but there has been lots of "I really like you's" from my side only. The only time he reciprocates is by telling me I look gorgeous which is very rare. I go out with his friends a lot, sometimes with and sometimes without and I have a great time with them, they are a good bunch and look after me if I'm out alone, get the bus with me or share a taxi and get me food. As for the work do, I was there with my glass of wine smiling on the outside but my god this is awkward. I left said goodbye and he didn't even seem to care that I had left which hurt me a lot.

I just want to be that girl that takes his breath away and can only see me and only me. I don't feel as special to him as I used to when we first started seeing each other.

Taltos

So you need to tell him all this.

Either he finds a way to let you know how he feels and between you both you each find little ways of making the other feel loved.
OR
You find out you are that girl - someone to make him look better but someone he does not really care about... I really hope this is not the case - but from your posts I think this is what you are leaning to...

If your self-esteem and self-worth have dropped then I am sorry - I would seriously considering cutting and running - as self-preservation but again this is a wide sweeping statement with very little guidance on what is really going on.

Either way - you have to talk to this guy (if you want to improve the relationship). By bottling this up - resentment will build or your self-esteem will be crushed...

neveah

OP your situation sounds similiar to the way I used to feel in my last relationship. My ex was not very affectionate with me, he wouldn't hold my hand in public for example. He made me feel like he was embarrassed of me. He also prefered to socialise with his friends without me, he never would invite me out and when I was out with him he would spend more time talking to everyone else than talking to me. It used to make me feel miserable and it really affected my self esteem and my confidence. I cried about it on numerous occasions. Even now just thinking back on it, I'm so angry that I put up with this treatment for so long. I deserved way better. In fact I'd prefer to be single forever than have to deal with someone like that again.

My point is you are not being selfish, make sure you have a partner that fulfills you, you should not feel unhappy all the time. If you do then there is something wrong. If you don't address this with him then your unhappiness will grow and you will end up resenting him.
To be honest I think you are already very unsure of this relationship because you have admitted you are unhappy and you mentioned the other man who tried to kiss you - even though you didn't kiss him you obviously were tempted on some level for it to have been such a big deal.