How to move on?

LegacyUser

I'm sorry, this has probably been heard a hundred times, but i would really appreciate any advice.
My ex and i were dating for over a year. we split over the summer, got back together briefly recently and are now split again. He never cheated or anything but has been quite selfish towards me. Anyway, i have to see him nearly everyday (we work together). It absolutely rips at me to have to see him, laughing and joking. It's like it never affected him at all and i'm still here crushed. I wanted so badly for us make a proper go of things when we got back together (which he asked for i should add, not me!) but he just put no effort in, it was always me and he didn't seem willing to work on things when problems came up. i ended it the second time, but really i had no choice, he was acting like a spoilt child. and now all the moving on i did over the summer is gone, i'm back to square one and to top it off, i'm in a small room of about a dozen people with him five days a week. Moving isn't an option for me for at least a year. I find i've gotten really withdrawn in there too and i can't help it.
I dunno what to do . He was my first love, i'm totally heartbroken and can't move on. It's gotten to the stage i don't wanna go in in the mornings cause i know i'll see him and hear him. Some of what he said, though not intentionally nasty, has really knocked my self esteem too. i feel totally worthless. Can anyone please give me some advice on how to cope with seeing him and maybe moving on? To make it worse, i've no friends here to talk to, just one girl i see very rarely and she hates talking about things like this.

LighterGuy

You've got it rough at the moment op. Here are some things that might be good advice

- our first loves are always the hardest to get over. Having such feelings for someone is a new thing. Its powerful. Take that away and we are left with a big hole inside. Heres the thing tho, 99% of peoples first loves end bad. We've all been there. The cliche "time heals all" - its true. But you only realise that when you're over someone

- having to work with him every day is just going to delay the healing process. Sadly as you say, you cant do anything about that.

- as for him laughing and joking. Yes it could be he doesnt give a toss. But heres the thing, people rarely like to show inside their hurt. But dont think if he is feeling hurt - it'll delay the healing process and in fact its best to take someone at face value (because you'd be more right taking people for how they act)

- As for not having many friends? at the end of the day you are the one who has to move on. Friends support yes. But even majority of friends get sick of hearing about a broken heart. When the lights stitch off at nightime its up to you to heal yourself (sad, but thats life)


keep busy and do new activites. these are vitial to the healing process.

LegacyUser

It was hard yesterday hearing him talk meeting up with his ex (the one before me) at the weekend (dunno if it's romantic or not since they were friends at one point too, but gonna take your advice and TRY not to think what he's feeling). It was a bit easier today. Was thinking of joining the gym to get some confidence back too. know it's gonna take ages to get over him and i could well feel like crap again tomorrow, but i guess that's just how it is.

Thanks for the kind advice, it was really helpful

Flojo

Gosh this almost mirrors what I went through recently. I fortunately was able to move away and thats what helped me in the end. You're not so lucky and I can't imagine how painful that must be.
He's very good at putting on a brave face but he's obviously hurting from everything, maybe his ego is hurting more? It's just a shame he didn't treat you better but you deserve so much more.

You moved on once before you know you can do it again! You say you can't help it but you can! You just need to suck it in and force yourself out of your shell... no one is going to do it for you hun. Do join the gym though, will be a great stress relief for you and that's a sign that you're moving on... the fact that you're trying to keep your mind off things. Pound out those hurt feelings on a treadmill!

At the end of the day you're too good for him. He would only bring you more heartache and pain and you already decided you've had enough of that. Fair play to you for ending it... it took me quite a while before I built up the courage to end things once and for all.
Might I suggest having a you day and indulge on whatever makes you happy and feel good about yourself. Get your hair done, go for a massage or even do a bit of shopping! Then walk into work with your head held high and get on with whatever you need to do. Do be civil to him if you need to communicate though. Dont let him know that he is getting to you or he could up his "I'm trying to make her feel like crap as revenge game" he seems to be playing.
I know you're heartbroken but don't let that stop you for getting out there and enjoying life... moving on is the only way forward for you now. Having the odd cheeky flirt helps I found.. a nice confidence booster at times.
But you just need to try to remain strong and ignore any of his crap.
Best of luck hun!