his ex's name keeps popping up

LegacyUser

going out with my bf six months, his sister lives abroad and has recently come home for a holiday, she just keeps talking about his ex in front of me. he was with his ex for 7yrs, it was a bad break up and apparantly his sister hated her for treating her brother like ****. But in front of me, she keeps asking about the ex, how is she doing etc my bf has told his sis he doesnt keep in touch with the ex and knows nothing about her. the sister keeps bringing up stories of the good oul' days.
i understand the ex was part of their life for many years, but she should have the cop on not to keep going on about her in front of me, its not very nice, makes me feel uncomfortable, my bf and his mother have said this to her and have also said 'how would u feel if your partners sisters were going on about his ex in front of you. and she said she didnt realise. but she keeps mentioning her name now and again.
we are in our late 30's , so not as if we're teenagers. i have gotten on like a house on fire with the sister since she came home, she told me im the best thing that happened to her brother, and even told the parents that i'm lovely.
then why is she behaving like this about the ex:(
i feel like im been compared to the ex or something.

Kingpin187

Try and ignore it.. its only if your bf was talking about her that you should be worried

Esp if she lives abroad then it will be short-lived.. and if not, tell your bf to have a word

astra2000

Who knows whats going on in her head? If your bf and his mother have asked her to stop and she is still doing it she is been really insensitive. I gnore her when she starts one of these conversations, start speaking with someone else or get up and go elsewhere. Dont let her get to you or spoil your relationship. By the way fair play to your bfs mother for having a word!

diverdad

The sister lives away from home. She is busy trying to maintain a relationship with her brother and the rest of her family. If she is out of touch or out of the social/family loop she may just keep harking back to a period when she was on firmer, happier ground with her brother i.e. when the ex was around.
It may be that she doesn't even realise that she is doing it. She has admitted that, but keeps making the same mistake as she keeps going back to the same place in time - when she was tighter with her brother/family.
Try and build your own happy memories with her. A shopping trip or a visit somewhere with her, coffee and a chat about your b/f when he was young. She may have arrived with only the ex to talk about but she could leave with your name on her lips.
Failing all that, ignore it and she will be gone soon enough. If she does not get home that often then it might be a pity to miss an opertunity to get to know her.

Taltos

If it is upsetting you this much just have a chat with your BF and tell him how you feel. Ideally he will take his sister to one side and tell her to cop on - or maybe he could start talking about one of her disasterous relationships...

magneticimpulse

diverdad wrote: »

The sister lives away from home. She is busy trying to maintain a relationship with her brother and the rest of her family. If she is out of touch or out of the social/family loop she may just keep harking back to a period when she was on firmer, happier ground with her brother i.e. when the ex was around.
It may be that she doesn't even realise that she is doing it. She has admitted that, but keeps making the same mistake as she keeps going back to the same place in time - when she was tighter with her brother/family.
Try and build your own happy memories with her. A shopping trip or a visit somewhere with her, coffee and a chat about your b/f when he was young. She may have arrived with only the ex to talk about but she could leave with your name on her lips.
Failing all that, ignore it and she will be gone soon enough. If she does not get home that often then it might be a pity to miss an opertunity to get to know her.

As a sister who lives abroad in France, I can safely say this is so true. When I phone home I only talk to my parents...i would very rarely talk to my brother and if so...its only to ask if the parents are at home. My brother broke up a while ago from a long term relationship and hence I was really used to seeing them together all the time...its like im in a time warp with regards to him. So each time I pop home, ill ask mam etc if he has been in touch with her etc as its never something id talk about on the phone and normally phone conversations would revolve around what i was up to in the other country or what parents were doing back home.

So seriously, i bet she doesnt even realise and although you might think 6 months has been ages...in her world its like time has been fast forwarded in the space of how she sees her brothers life. Last time she was prob in contact around Christmas he prob has this long term girlfriend, now she's back there is a completely new person to get to know....if you can see my point? I dont think its intention, i think anybody would make the same mistake or take some time to get used to the "new situation"

sbsquarepants

Play her at her own game. Everytime she mentions the ex's name, say to her "sorry, who are you talking about" or "i don't think i know anyone called "ex", who is she?" She'll soon get a pain in her arse when she has to explain rather than just drop a name and carry on. She sounds like a right bitch by the way!

magneticimpulse

sbsquarepants wrote: »

Play her at her own game. Everytime she mentions the ex's name, say to her "sorry, who are you talking about" or "i don't think i know anyone called "ex", who is she?" She'll soon get a pain in her arse when she has to explain rather than just drop a name and carry on. She sounds like a right bitch by the way!

thats completely harsh....have you ever been abroad yourself for years on end?

at the end of the day, this is a relative to him and she will always be his sister, you might not always be his girlfriend...so i suggest you be mature about whatever way you decide to approach this.

i-digress

magneticimpulse wrote: »

As a sister who lives abroad in France, I can safely say this is so true. When I phone home I only talk to my parents...i would very rarely talk to my brother and if so...its only to ask if the parents are at home. My brother broke up a while ago from a long term relationship and hence I was really used to seeing them together all the time...its like im in a time warp with regards to him. So each time I pop home, ill ask mam etc if he has been in touch with her etc as its never something id talk about on the phone and normally phone conversations would revolve around what i was up to in the other country or what parents were doing back home.

So seriously, i bet she doesnt even realise and although you might think 6 months has been ages...in her world its like time has been fast forwarded in the space of how she sees her brothers life. Last time she was prob in contact around Christmas he prob has this long term girlfriend, now she's back there is a completely new person to get to know....if you can see my point? I dont think its intention, i think anybody would make the same mistake or take some time to get used to the "new situation"

This.

When people live in different countries they drift apart. She may have nothing else to talk to your boyfriend about, especially if they have no shared interests.

I really don't think she means to get at you or annoy you.