Haven't Had Sex in Months

LegacyUser

I've been going out with my girlfriend for almost six years. We met in a long distance relationship and that took up almost the first four years of our relationship. Then, seeing as it had been so strong and solid in that time, we made the commitment to move in together.

I'll be honest, I did have my doubts, but I felt that it was the right thing to do despite the doubts and there was never any pressure from anyone to make me make a decision I didn't want too.

We don't have any children, and we are not trying and have no intention of having any for the foreseeable future - but our sex life, and social lives, has diminished.

I think a lot of it has to do with her own personal feelings. She graduated from college and got offered a job the same month, which is amazing in itself, but now she feels as if it's not really what she expected...she wanted to do this since she was 14 and she now feels as if she may be in the wrong profession. Given that, she's up early every weekday, and home well into the evening. Come the weekend and she's too tired and, naturally, she's going to bed early at the weekend as well...

I don't blame her, but because I work less hours and don't feel the stress she obviously does, I get a little restless and bored when she's heading to bed at 10pm or 11pm on a Saturday and doesn't seem to want to even have a meal out or take in a film....

I could go off with my friends, if I had any, since we moved house recently - I moved away because of her job, moved country and then moved again because of her job - so even when I start making friends in the first place I had to move again. I joined a local group, an acting thing, and we do drama twice a week. She had so much work she was never able to come down without being tired during it so now it's just me that does it. I love it, but now I feel guilty, because I leave her two nights a week....for several hours when she gets home....which means I'm eating into what time I do have with her

The sex is non existent, there's never time, or she just is too tired....I try suggesting it at the weekends and I get shouted at.

I know I'll probably get told on here that I have to be sensitive to her needs, but sometimes I get so upset, because it feels like we're living two completely different lives and that I can't connect with her......

LegacyUser

Listen dude, sit down with her and talk to her. It sounds like her life is all a rush at the moment, and she has no time to think. You really need to tell her to just slow down for a bit and talk to you, be mature and to not shout down at you like she has!! She may think you are being selfish and that’s why she gets annoyed, but dude seriously, going months without any sex is not normal, something is obviously wrong and she needs to see this and face upto it. I would think that she is aware of the lack of sex and affection but it sounds like she may be taking the relationship and you for granted and putting this on the back burner, possibly playing the issue down in her head??

I can understand if this job was short term, or only for a few months which would be hard, but at least you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but this sounds like its permanent, and forcing your relationship to be unsustainable

rere

If you have weekends free maybe you could try going away together for one of them. Even if it's only 20 miles away it'll give you both a change of environment and a chance to be away from everything.

mikemac

Does she have any annual leave coming up?

If so head away somewhere different, you need a change of scenery.
Even just a few nights in Kerry or anywhere in Ireland or some European city break. Splash out and stay in a great hotel, 4* or above even, ye deserve it!
Most hotels have a spa, she'd love that and would help her relax from her job.

If there's no holidays, even October bank holiday weekend isn't that far off