back dating and unsure of what to do

music lover 2

I don't post very often but in the past I have got lot's of really good advice so here I am again

I broke up with someone in Jan and decided to take a break from dating.It was really good for me to do that and sort my head out! Met a guy about 4 weeks ago and he is lovely.

The weekend after we met we ended up spending most of the weekend together as by complete chance we were in the same city for the weekend. I met his friends he met mine and it was great......... circumstances threw us together for the weekend I wouldn't normally choose to spend a weekend together so soon but I went with it and enjoyed it.We havent slept together as I told him I dont want to sleep with someone I dont know .He was fine about it and said my honesty was very refeshing....


We have met met 2-3 times since the weekend we spent together and its great we havent just gone out and gotten pissed .This is all really refreshing for me- not to be jumping into bed with someone straight away.We have really good conversations and I really feel I am getting to know him and I am physically attracted to him

The problem is well in my opinion its a problem the contact is a bit sporadic, we only get in touch with each other about once a week ..and only really to arrange to meet up.

For example he might contact me on saturday to meet on sunday in other words he doesnt give me much notice.If I am free, I will meet him but sometimes I am not.I have a good social life and not going to change my plans at short notice. I have intiated some contact but have let him do most fo the work.I am not playing games i would love to contact him more! But I think at the very early stages he should be contacting me I know its probably old fashioned to think this


So my question is should I say something to him as in I would like a bit more notice if we are going to meet up?Then I wonder does he really like me? does it bother him if we meet up or not? Or maybe he is just taking things very slow too . I am really trying to do with the flow and let things work out in their own time .I do want to take it slow and get to know him but not knowing if I am going to see him from one end of the week to the other is not helping me do that?I don;t want to have a big heavy chat with him I am happy to meet up once a week but i would like some notice.

I am supppose to see him tomorrow and wonder should I say something thing to him? and if so what?Or should i just leave things as they are? Maybe I am just out of my comfort zone and this is a healthy way to date?

Thanks

Blazer

Forget the old fashioned nonsense..
If you like him then contact him..he's probably thinking the same thing as well....
why do women assume men are mind readers I'll never know..
Talk to him next time you meet and suss out the story.

music lover 2

Sc@recrow wrote: »

Forget the old fashioned nonsense..
If you like him then contact him..he's probably thinking the same thing as well....
why do women assume men are mind readers I'll never know..
Talk to him next time you meet and suss out the story.

Yes it probably is nonsense but what should I say to him?

bellylint

heya OP, you could just say he is fun to spend time with, but sometimes you can't make it if you only get short notice. Nothing serious, nothing heavy and does what it says on the tin .
Save the serious conversations for later and enjoy what you have at the moment.

IrishEyes19

I dont see a problem in saying it, its how you say it that counts. Guys can often perceive it to be the girl acting clingy or nagging when truthfully we're only trying to get a point across. Its all in the tone of the words really.

music lover 2

Thanks for all the advice works out he is not over an ex girlfriend............ that why he was distant with me anyway best I know now and can move on thanks again

IrishEyes19

music lover 2 wrote: »

Thanks for all the advice works out he is not over an ex girlfriend............ that why he was distant with me anyway best I know now and can move on thanks again

Sorry to hear that, OP, been in the same situation and it's horrible when they admit it to you. But at least its out there in the open now and you can get back out there. It's just hard luck considering you were back on the scene. But dont let it dishearten you, its just the way things fall sometimes and you'll meet someone with the same ideals as you eventually. All in good time I say!:)

music lover 2

yeah i know Irisheyes 19 just it hurts and my self esteem wouldnt be great anyway so thiking his ex must be better than me more attractive etc shameful that i feel this way.. but it will pass thanks

IrishEyes19

music lover 2 wrote: »

yeah i know Irisheyes 19 just it hurts and my self esteem wouldnt be great anyway so thiking his ex must be better than me more attractive etc shameful that i feel this way.. but it will pass thanks

I can assure you, Music lover, that isnt the case at all. Its simply that he has history with this girl and quite possibly she hurt him, it takes a lot longer for guys to get over girls if they were hurt by them and sadly, ex's often flit back into their lives and the wrong time, wrong time for you in this case.

Same thing happened to me, and quite honestly you could be as reasonable and as accomodating to that person and it doesnt matter, history often over-rides new relationships especially if that person was hurt badly. Ive seen it before. And its nothing to do with you funny enough, you couldnt have been anymore prettier or nicer or whatever, its simply history.

One question though, has he actually ended it with you now or is he telling you that he's still not over his ex but wants to give it a go with you?

music lover 2

IrishEyes19 wrote: »

I can assure you, Music lover, that isnt the case at all. Its simply that he has history with this girl and quite possibly she hurt him, it takes a lot longer for guys to get over girls if they were hurt by them and sadly, ex's often flit back into their lives and the wrong time, wrong time for you in this case.

Same thing happened to me, and quite honestly you could be as reasonable and as accomodating to that person and it doesnt matter, history often over-rides new relationships especially if that person was hurt badly. Ive seen it before. And its nothing to do with you funny enough, you couldnt have been anymore prettier or nicer or whatever, its simply history.

One question though, has he actually ended it with you now or is he telling you that he's still not over his ex but wants to give it a go with you?

Oh yes its over with me.He wanted to stay in touch -maybe meet for coffee but i said no as that would be too hard for me.

He was home at the weekend and met up with her.He says that there is an attraction there but he is not sure whats going to happen with her,but but he needs to sort out in his head and decide if its over with her or not before he dates anyone else .He was very honest he said he cant be there for someone until he figures out whats going to happen with her . I suppose it hurts because he is the first guy I have ever apporached in a pub and because of that, and spending a weekend together maybe my expectations were too high. Thanks for your advice what did you do did you cut all contact?

IrishEyes19

music lover 2 wrote: »

Oh yes its over with me.He wanted to stay in touch -maybe meet for coffee but i said no as that would be too hard for me.

He was home at the weekend and met up with her.He says that there is an attraction there but he is not sure whats going to happen with her,but but he needs to sort out in his head and decide if its over with her or not before he dates anyone else .He was very honest he said he cant be there for someone until he figures out whats going to happen with her . I suppose it hurts because he is the first guy I have ever apporached in a pub and because of that, and spending a weekend together maybe my expectations were too high. Thanks for your advice what did you do did you cut all contact?

Your expectations werent high, we deserve to go into a new dating/relationship without the baggage of ex's, he owed you that much. Well in my case, yesit was cut all contact but simply because my experience of it was hell, and it was a basic string me along for as long as I can....type of thing....it wasnt until I lost it towards the end and confronted him on his distance and game playing, that he ended it, so I had to cut contact for my own peace of mind.

I wouldnt go to coffee with him, OP, if you still have feelings, simply because it sounds like he's bouncing right now, and he could easily jump to you and back to her again when he feels like it. The fact that he said, he doesnt know where he stands with her right now, makes it sound like that he's waiting to see if she'll get back with him and then if that fails, he'll go on his merry way again. Dont sit in the back waiting for him to pick you, OP, walk away from him and dont look back.