depressed

LegacyUser

this post is going to be long i need to get alot out

im a male in my early 20s but look alot older than i am, most people think im late 20s early 30s
everyone i know tells me im extremely intelligent but i didnt get a good education because i hated school and the teachers there, i hate people telling me what to do for the last two years i hardly went in at all, if i did go in id be hours late or id leave early because there wasnt enough going on

i moved out of home when i was 17, i had a horrible childhood, my dad was very controlling and old fashioned and we were not aloud to do anything when we were younger. im convinced he has some sort of mental disease that was never diagnosed, my brother has schizophrnia and his life was made hell by my dad they used fight like crazy often getting violent, the house was hell to live in and i got out the first chance i got.

ive been living on my own since then and until recently my life was going well, ive never had any money troubles ive my own buisness that is doing well with 43 staff employed, and i have a very high standard of living, i eat out in the best restaurants every night (cant cook) have a very active social life out all of the time, i like to party and party hard

i was never one to go out of my way to make friends, i never pretend to be someone im not, if i dont like you you will find out very fast and i make sure to keep people i dont like out of my life
im the sort of person where what you see is what you get, the way i dress the way i walk and talk i do not do to keep other people happy, i just be myself and im unapologetic for who i am

ive achieved alot in my short life, ive done alot of things and some of the storys i can tell are unbeliveable, in fact on the rare ocasion when i tell a peerson about what ive done in my life i have to leave alot out or tone down the stories because they would just not believe me

this was all fine until about nine months ago when i fell madly in love with a girl, never before did anyone have such an effect on me, i had to do alot to get her but once we got together it was perfect, i was never interested in long term relationships before, i just saw them as a burden, i usually have very little patience for women and just find them enoying, but with this girl everything just seamed to click together, everybody said it was the best thing that every happened to me, they said i was looking great and was full of life, and that when me and the girl were out together we looked like the perfect match, it was like i had found the missing part of my life

for me she was perfect, i could talk to her about anything and didnt hide anything from her, but i was just too difficult to deal with, i dont live in the real world was the way she put it, i dont have any cares or problems, there was no stability and life with me was too eratic

it took me a while to get over her and it was very painful, i dont miss her anymore but what i do miss is the part she played in my life, as in the missing piece of the jicsaw, after he i started to look at my life and got very depressed

im depressed now everyday, ive started to like in detail in life and i see it as being empty, i have no real friends, that was never a problem before but for some reason it is now, i dont have any direction in my life and it feels empty, somedays i get so depressed i cant get out of bed and i feel like absolute sh1t

from the outside my life looks very good, money fast cars good clothes house business and i know there are people that are alot worse off than me and would love to be in my shoes but for me its hell, every day is now a battle to get to the end and i dont want the next one to start

i just dont want to like anymore, i just dont, but i wont kill myself, someone very close to me did that a few years ago and after seeing the pain it caused to the people left behind i could never do it

Nevyn

Start making changes, go talk to a counsellor about your childhood. the break up and any issues coming from that, go learn how to cook, there are lots and lots of courses on this is,
if you want a qualifcation then you can get one in the evening.

First off get out of the bed and go talk to your dr and go from there.

thefeatheredcat

OP,

be proud of what you have achieved! Especially keeping it all going right now in this economic climate. It sounds like you worked hard for it and made some sacrifices along the way.

If you're normally independent, the worst thing is finding yourself suddenly dependant on someone (to any degree) and then having it taken away or having lost it.

I think your ex has maybe identified something in your lifestyle - an emptiness? so perhaps shifting your focus onto fulfilling your personal life a bit more such as making friends and enjoying life differently than a party lifestyle might be an idea. Learn to cook, this will be an asset to you no matter what happens and if you find there's other short comings in life skills, seek to enhance these too.

Speak to your GP and have a chat about things you've mentioned. Take some time to recover yourself from this moment in life and start on the next part of your journey. Get yourself healthy and happy as well as fulfilled.