Over online addiction,now just ashamed of its past

LegacyUser

I don't know how to write this,so bear with me,when i was in my early 20s i used to frequent chatrooms and strike up friendships with some people in there,i have most bad memories but what was troubled me most was i fell in love with some of these people,some who where younger than me,like 18,sometimes it got serious,meeting them for drinks etc,swapping numbers etc,flirting,sexting,then like most relationships it broke up,part of me feels guilty or bad about when i think about them people,giving that it was nearly a sexual relationship but thank christ i didn't go that far in having sex with them,looking back now i wouldn't go back to that again,but some reason i feel ashamed and dirty about it,almost suicidal even thinking about it though i didn't do anything wrong in my mind,but one part makes me feel bad,what should i do with myself ?,i am loosing sleep and my mind thinking about this .

kjl

OP, I'm going to assume you are female.

You really have nothing to feel guilty about, what you did was experiment. Sure maybe most girls don't cruse in online chatrooms, but you should just thank your lucky stars that you didn't meet some weirdo who would rape you.

As you said yourself it didn't get sexual, so be grateful for that and chalk it down to life experience.

I personally don't think what you did was too wrong, its OK to meet up with people you meet on the internet, but you have to express caution and make sure people know where your going and that you call people to tell them you are OK when you do meet up with said person.

Fittle

Why would you assume he's female, when his id is 'mrmean'?

Anyway OP, I think there's something you're not admitting here - even to us. There's no reason to feel one bit ashamed if you met with people from the internet and developed a relationship with them. Unless of course, they were MUCH younger than you...perhaps younger than 18? Then it makes a bit more sense....

LegacyUser

hi,op here again,im male and no they weren't under 18,what makes me feel stupid and naive was one or two them where in process of doing their leaving,it was long distance relationships so i didnt meet them after school etc if you think it was like that,i just feel stupid and foolish when i think about it.

kjl

right, if you are not female, then I gracefully bow out of this advice.

OP, what exactly do you feel you did wrong, because from where I see it you were just being a horny male.

WesternNight

Unless there's more to it than you're saying, I really can't see why you'd be feeling so ashamed about it. Especially if it wasn't particularly recent. We all do things that in hindsight might have been a bit cringeworthy, but I really wouldn't worry about it if this is one of those things for you.

LegacyUser

kjl wrote: »

right, if you are not female, then I gracefully bow out of this advice.

OP, what exactly do you feel you did wrong, because from where I see it you were just being a horny male.

texted some them,right about horny male remark,i have alot more sense now.

Moomoo1

I can only assume that he's ashamed of the fact that in his early 20's he used to befriend schoolgirls (even if they were over 18) in chatrooms. But they were still consenting adults who knew what they were doing, so why do you feel like this?

seriously, the only thing I'd regret in your place is that you didn't sleep with any of them

LegacyUser

Moomoo1 wrote: »

I can only assume that he's ashamed of the fact that in his early 20's he used to befriend schoolgirls (even if they were over 18) in chatrooms. But they were still consenting adults who knew what they were doing, so why do you feel like this?

seriously, the only thing I'd regret in your place is that you didn't sleep with any of them

Glad i didn't,i did think it that way,you could meet them on pubs in weekend and who notice, or on dating sites,and yes you be right about adults,i guess i brought it up is wonder what be like meeting them on street since haven't met some in years,thank you all for solving this little problem

kjl

OP, im 30, about 3 months ago I hooked up with a 17 year old Australian girl in England and I don't feel guilty at all.

If they were over 17 its fine.

Moomoo1

mrmean wrote: »

Glad i didn't,i did think it that way,you could meet them on pubs in weekend and who notice, or on dating sites,and yes you be right about adults,i guess i brought it up is wonder what be like meeting them on street since haven't met some in years,thank you all for solving this little problem

but how is it different to meeting anyone who you've had a thing with in the past? So what, you met them in the chatroom and not in a pub: do you think that's so shameful?

IrishEyes19

kjl wrote: »

OP, im 30, about 3 months ago I hooked up with a 17 year old Australian girl in England and I don't feel guilty at all.

If they were over 17 its fine.

Em, kjI, i your case, I would feel guilty. Thats called taking advantage. She's a kid like. Honestly, find someone your own age to pick up. Thats quite sick if Im being honest.

@OP, unless you took advantage by sleeping with these girls and walking away, I dont see what you're upset about. I think your conscience is hitting you because you feel you might have led them on, but honestly from what you've mentioned, it doesnt seem like much to be upset about. I hope it all works out for you.

minidazzler

IrishEyes19 wrote: »

Em, kjI, i your case, I would feel guilty. Thats called taking advantage. She's a kid like. Honestly, find someone your own age to pick up. Thats quite sick if Im being honest.

@OP, unless you took advantage by sleeping with these girls and walking away, I dont see what you're upset about. I think your conscience is hitting you because you feel you might have led them on, but honestly from what you've mentioned, it doesnt seem like much to be upset about. I hope it all works out for you.

How very conceited of you, 17 year olds are not children, they are basically adults and tend not to be as stupid or naive as some may think. They can consent, never been my cup of tea, always gone for those 2 or 3 years older.

OP, there is nothing to feel guilty about, not like you coerced anyone into anything, it's harmless fun. It's not taking advantage to go on dates with these girls.

Also, you were in your early 20's noting inherently wrong with dating 1 people younger than you.

IrishEyes19

minidazzler wrote: »

How very conceited of you, 17 year olds are not children, they are basically adults and tend not to be as stupid or naive as some may think. They can consent, never been my cup of tea, always gone for those 2 or 3 years older.

OP, there is nothing to feel guilty about, not like you coerced anyone into anything, it's harmless fun. It's not taking advantage to go on dates with these girls.

Also, you were in your early 20's noting inherently wrong with dating 1 people younger than you.

First, of all, I'm not conceited, so keep the name throwing to yourself there. Are you joking. He's 3o, and she 17.....would you approve if your daughter, Im assuming you dont have one in that case, did that. And yes 17 year olds can consent and are not naive, I never said that. But if you believe they are emotionally capable with dealing with a 30 year old MAN sleeping with them, then Id worry. Thats sick. I would just point out, 17 year old are not emotionally able to deal with seperating sex from real feelings, Im sorry but the majority aren't. And lord, going back to the basics...this isnt a case of morals, but that 17 year old was likely a schoolgirl and he possibly a working man, its wrong on so many levels.

Im not one bit conceited, so please watch your use of words there. You dont know me or I you. Im merely stating, 17 and 30 is a huge gap and that girl was far too young. I have nothing against the poster, just the actions.

WesternNight

30/2+7=22

/pedant

IrishEyes19

minidazzler wrote: »

How very conceited of you, 17 year olds are not children, they are basically adults and tend not to be as stupid or naive as some may think. They can consent, never been my cup of tea, always gone for those 2 or 3 years older.

OP, there is nothing to feel guilty about, not like you coerced anyone into anything, it's harmless fun. It's not taking advantage to go on dates with these girls.

Also, you were in your early 20's noting inherently wrong with dating 1 people younger than you.

minidazzler, I dont want to either have you think Im criticising. It's just an opinion of mine that the 13 year age gap is massive. Not an attack on the poster, just to point that out and not get off on wrong footing here, when this is about the OP.

@ OP, as others have said, you appear to have done nothing wrong. Id forget it and move on, perhaps see someone if this issue is bigger than you are letting on.

WhatWillBee

minidazzler wrote: »

How very conceited of you,

I dont see how irisheyes was being conceited?? judgmental sure, but him/her being full of himself/herself doesnt really apply imo

minidazzler wrote: »

17 year olds are not children, they are basically adults and tend not to be as stupid or naive as some may think.

The fact you have to add the word 'basically' proves the point.

At best, its on the edge of acceptable, which is prob a good place to steer clear of. If it was my sister/daughter/cousin, (or brother/son for that matter) its nowhere near acceptable. Especially if thats someones type and they regularly go for people who are barely adults, id seriously be questioning that persons character.

But anyway, back to the OP, im not really entirely sure what the OP is most worried bout, but the gist im getting is that you chatted up a few 'barely adults' a few years back and are now feeling guilty about it? Are you now feeling that you preyed upon these girls? Id have to ask what brought this about now all of a sudden?

Whether its right or wrong, i cant tell you, but if you are upset about it theres nothing you can really do about it now, except chalk it up to experience, learn from it, and keep yourself on the straight and narrow (away from the edge of acceptable) from here on in and just try to put it behind you.

IrishEyes19

WhatWillBee wrote: »

I dont see how irisheyes was being conceited?? judgmental sure, but him/her being full of himself/herself doesnt really apply imo




The fact you have to add the word 'basically' proves the point.

At best, its on the edge of acceptable, which is prob a good place to steer clear of. If it was my sister/daughter/cousin, (or brother/son for that matter) its nowhere near acceptable. Especially if thats someones type and they regularly go for people who are barely adults, id seriously be questioning that persons character.

But anyway, back to the OP, im not really entirely sure what the OP is most worried bout, but the gist im getting is that you chatted up a few 'barely adults' a few years back and are now feeling guilty about it? Are you now feeling that you preyed upon these girls? Id have to ask what brought this about now all of a sudden?

Whether its right or wrong, i cant tell you, but if you are upset about it theres nothing you can really do about it now, except chalk it up to experience, learn from it, and keep yourself on the straight and narrow (away from the edge of acceptable) from here on in and just try to put it behind you.

My point exactly, whatwillbee and even judgemental, I think in everycase in life we all are. I just have an opinion that any person under the age of 18 particularly has no business having sex with a 30 year old man. Its my point of view and people can take it or leave it. As you stated there....me being full of myself has nothing to do with it, though I will point out Im not, haha...I have flaws like anyone else, and dont consider myself any higher than anyone here either. lol. Not one bit.

I agree fully, and also, OP, the fact that you feel guilty about it, shows you're not a bad person, it probably wasnt the best course of action, however as whatwillbee has said, learn from it and move on now.

Fittle

Hi OP,

I'm even more confused about why you feel ashamed now.

Did you lie to these women? Do you feel you 'groomed' them (I hate that expression, but did you lead them to believe you were someone/an age you weren't etc?). Did you con them into meeting you?

Seriously, if all you did was meet women 18yrs or older, from chat rooms and off the internet, there is no problem. Unless of course, you conned them into meeting another 18yr old and then you turned up.

I'm still confused as to why you think what you did is filling you with shame

Ickle Magoo

Please keep replies on topic and helpful to the OP.
Be aware that off-topic and unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum.
Please take the time to read the forum rules in the charter and abide by them.

Many thanks.
Ickle

LegacyUser

hi op here again,no there was nothing sinister,it was my first time meeting someone online,and no i didnt lie about my age or appearance,i was upfront about that,and no i didnt sleep with them,one of the other posters probably got what i was thinking,how i had a conciousness thinking i could had hurt/upset them being navity of it all,nothing sinister,just something i wanted to talk about.

Moomoo1

IrishEyes19 wrote: »

First, of all, I'm not conceited, so keep the name throwing to yourself there. Are you joking. He's 3o, and she 17.....would you approve if your daughter, Im assuming you dont have one in that case, did that. And yes 17 year olds can consent and are not naive, I never said that. But if you believe they are emotionally capable with dealing with a 30 year old MAN sleeping with them, then Id worry. Thats sick. I would just point out, 17 year old are not emotionally able to deal with seperating sex from real feelings, Im sorry but the majority aren't. And lord, going back to the basics...this isnt a case of morals, but that 17 year old was likely a schoolgirl and he possibly a working man, its wrong on so many levels.

Im not one bit conceited, so please watch your use of words there. You dont know me or I you. Im merely stating, 17 and 30 is a huge gap and that girl was far too young. I have nothing against the poster, just the actions.

if it was my daughter I'd be concerned that she was clearly sleeping around (=randomly hooking up with people from a country halfway round the world). As long as she's in a steady relationship, the age of the partner doesn't matter.

read Lynn Barber's book about her youth and relationship with Simon Cohen - you'll find out that just 40 years ago this sort of thing was totally acceptable.

regarding the OP, there's clearly a stigma attached to meeting people in the internet chatrooms... but I don't see why. How could you have hurt and upset them anyway?

LegacyUser

Moomoo1 wrote: »

regarding the OP, there's clearly a stigma attached to meeting people in the internet chatrooms... but I don't see why. How could you have hurt and upset them anyway?

it turned into a realtionship ,i think this should be locked before it turns into a boxing match between other posters.

Ickle Magoo

The next off-topic and unhelpful post that contains something not relevant to the OP will earn the poster an infraction.

OP, do you want the thread locked?

LegacyUser

Please before it gets bad,thanks

Ickle Magoo

Thread locked at OP's request.