What is wrong with me?

LegacyUser

I'll try to keep this short.

I met a girl last weekend. Had been chatting to her online a bit and sending texts and on the phone also. We met up and spent a few hours together and it went fine. We went out again during the week, again it went well, a few snogs, everything seemed to be ok.

Then the problems started, at least for me. I started to over-think things and was trying to work out if I really liked her or if I just kind of did. I started to think about where it was going, did I want it to go anywhere and all these sorts of things.

I posted here at the start of the year about another girl who I was seeing then and how in the bedroom, I wasn't always rising to the occasion and how this was really getting to me and how we ended it after a month.

I have to admit after meeting this girl last weekend and seeing things went ok, I started to worry a bit that if we ever made it to the bedroom, the same thing might happen.

We arranged to meet up again today and we did. We had a quick kiss when we met up and when she left but that was it, nothing happened. I also got this weird kind of sick feeling in my stomach. It was kind of like I started to panic that I didn't like her but that she liked me and it was going to lead to another awkward situation.

What is wrong with me? Why can't I either stop over-thinking things or just know whether I like someone or not?

I have to admit the last time I really liked a girl and was excited to hear from her etc, I ended up getting hurt. I hate to admit it but since then I haven't met anyone who's caused the same reaction in me.

I don't know if I'm wary because of the girl who hurt me, or because I'm perhaps just not into these other girls that much. But that again messes with my head. Who am I supposed to approach? I almost never see a girl who creates that animalistic lust feeling where I just want to rip her clothes off. I mean it will be literally one in maybe 10,000 or something. It's very, very, very rare for me to experience that. But are those the only type of girls I should go after? Or should I just go out with girls who I'm perhaps not sure about but that I'm not unattracted to?

I know this post is a bit all over the place. I guess I'm just confused. I don't have much experience of dating and I don't know how long I'm supposed to give things and what I'm supposed to be feeling for the person at what stage.

Part of me doesn't want to get too wrapped up in this Hollywood fairytale thing were sparks fly, fireworks go off, birds sing when two people meet. But I've so little frame of reference as to how these things go.

How do I know when it's something worth pursuing and how do I know when I should just leave it?

Terribly confused

LegacyUser

I'm still confused about this

I really don't know why I over think things and what way am I supposed to be feeling after meeting someone a week ago.

abbyw1989

Hi
Firstly, stop worrying! If things are meant to be, they will happen. Enjoy meeting up with this girl, enjoy getting to know her, you might end up wanting to date her properly or never seeing her again. Just relax and see how you feel, if you keep worrying, you won't be able to listen to your gut reactions. As for the not being able to perform, it sounds purely psychological (it does happen to most men at some point, for various reasons ;-) )the more you worry, the more it'll happen. Just relax, stop worrying and enjoy whats happening! Sex isn't the be all and end all... you seem pretty preoccupied with it. If you want a proper relationship, stop focusing on this aspect and get to know girls for who they are. Animalistic Lust may be fun but you need a bit more than sex appeal to make a relationship last. Eventually you'll find someone who ticks all your boxes, you'll know when you meet her and you'll know how to keep her too
Good luck and hope this helped

LegacyUser

Thanks for the reply abbyw

Well it looks like things have run their course with the girl I met. As I mentioned she called over to my place at the weekend and we hung out for several hours, but nothing happened and she left around 11pm. I don't know if she was expecting me to make a move on her or not, although we had snogged a bit a few days earlier and both seemed to enjoy it.

I definitely felt like something had changed though and it seems now that she felt the same thing. I didn't hear from her that night after she left or all of the next day, and she is usually quite consistent at texting me and stuff. I didn't contact her until Monday when I just sent a text asking how she was and if she got home ok the night she left, but she didn't reply.

I took this to mean she'd lost interest too which I guess is fair enough. It's disappointing as things started off so well and I'm a bit surprised at her just blanking me like she has. But I guess that's just the way these things go. Anyway I deleted her MSN details and her number so that is that.

Hopefully I'll meet someone else in the not too distant future.

Thanks again.