Pure Obsessive Compulsive Disorder?

LegacyUser

Hi All

Mid 20's male here. Since I was quite young, on and off I have suffered from recurring intrusive thoughts. I won't go into the specifics of what they are (they revolve around violence or social taboo), but needless to say when they "spike" life can be very very unpleasant indeed. The intensity and vividness of them is soul-destroying, and the sense of isolation you get for having them makes you feel like an outcast from society or a freak. I dwell on them endlessly which is not only mentally exhausting, but impacts your sense of self-worth as you grow to hate yourself for having them. I've looked the symptoms up on the internet and it sounds a lot like pure obsessive compulsive disorder, as i dont suffer from compulsive behaviours, just endlessly enduring the same thought patterns.

I'm fairly certain that their occurrence is correlated to the amount of stress I'm under. Right now I'm under a lot, I've been working 10am - 8pm/9pm every night for the past two weeks, and earlier in the summer I was involved in a rather nasty breakup with my ex which caused a lot of personal anguish. I think these events have acted as a catalyst in bringing these old demons back.

I have a familial and personal history of mental illness - all of my siblings have been prescribed anti-depressants, one basically for life, as well as my dad, also for the forseeable future. I was prescribed lexapro for 18 months 5 years ago and it seemed to get me out of a hole. I also went to a therapist for a year when i was 17 due to these intrusive thoughts.

I have contemplated going to my GP or a cognitive behavioral therapist as apparently these are the two most appropriate and effective avenues for dealing with this type of thing, but the cost involved would be quite high and the actual act of explaining the detail of these thoughts is just horrifying to me. I keep picturing the look on the doctor or therapist's face as I explain. Has anyone been through a similar situation or has any advice to offer? I was reluctant to post here but I'd really appreciate any constructive contributions.

Thanks

tinkerbell

I would say that you need to go to your GP just to get a referral. I wouldn't think that a GP could help you properly with something like that, you would need to go see someone who specialises in that field.

As for being embarrassed, don't be. I know it's hard not to feel anxious about explaining your thoughts to someone, but they have heard it all before. They are in that profession, and they are used to hearing stories like yours.

So try to pluck up the courage and go see your GP and get that referral. I don't know anything about CBT which you have mentioned but I would assume that's by referral too?

You definitely need to see someone though and get help for this. Also, can you work shorter hours or is that not possible? Or can your job be less stressful? Perhaps you need to take a few days off work to calm down a bit and de-stress. Over working and stress does not help with OCD at all.

Best of luck OP, hope you can get the help you need.

LegacyUser

Hi Op,

You seem to have great awareness in yourself, and it sounds like a very overwhelming thing to be going through, like you cant stop your thoughts so its something that is very hard to deal with, i have some experience of this myself but i worked my way out of it through getting to the bottom of my issues and my mind then became a different place. I feel that there must be more to your situation to make you all feel depressed like what was your childhood like how did your parents speak to you growing up, because i had to change my internal dialogue with how i was speaking to myself to a more positive way, like i was criticized every day of my life and it perpetuated in my life then because i carried on the thoughts, i actually question weather there is a link to mental health disorders being heredity i read that it is the thought patterns that we all collectively believe in which create the illness i know sometimes the mind can go beyond a point of return or the person does not want to deal with the root issues like my aunty is a diagnosed schizophrenic and she thinks she was born that way, but she was sent to boarding school at the age of 4 and she was abused badly, all this was never mentioned as a reason why she developed a mental disorder as an adult, if i believed in my families belief system i would have gone the same way i am sure of it, this is just my opinion, but i think going to therapy and working on any issues and going to a reiki healer and acupuncturist and doing meditation are all worth trying before going on the anti depressants, also the book the Power of Now taught me that we are not our thoughts we are the awareness behind our thoughts, the real moment is in the present moment and if you key into that the mental anguish is not there, the real reality is how things are growing living and breathing, looking at nature has so many answers, look how a bird just flies around collecting food, making a nest, look how the trees sway in a moment, this is the real reality of life and how life works, not the repetitive stream of thinking in your human head, its just a matter of working to live in the other reality and break the cycle of the mindset in your family. I dont think Ireland is very clued in in issues of depression, we are still very outdated about how to deal with it and how to work through it, depression is just an emotion as is happy sad angry, it seems to be made into an 'it' as if it is some bad beast, i have also heard depression described as anger turned in, if there is a history of depression in a family i think it is hard to break those patterns but if i believed it was impossible i would not have broken out of it, you have to believe it is possible too!