Im sure you guys have heard this all before

LegacyUser

Hey guys,
As the title says I'm sure you guys have heard this all before.
Myself and my girlfriend have been going out nearly 5 years. We moved in together nearly a year ago. We've been through quite a bit together and helped eachother through alot. A couple years ago I fell into kinda a depression which she helped me a lot through. When I was there I was very hard to communicate with.
Anyway as I said we moved in together nearly a year ago and I thought things were going great. I thought we were just starting to settle down. I saw Marriage and kids somewhere down the line for us. A few weeks ago she said to me she wasnt happy anymore with us and it was up to me to try and get things back to the way we were. I tried to do this. I planned a trip away for us and tried to be all "lovey dovey" like a new couple, which is what she kinda described was what she wanted. Im not great at romantic gestures as I'm probably the worst person I know at expressing their feelings.
Last week she came to me and said I didnt try hard enough and things werent getting any better and effectively broke up with me. I was/am absolutely crushed. She moved out of the house for a few days. I really should have talked to somebody sooner but as I said Im really not good at talking things through and stuff. She moved back in as she'd nowhere else to go and we have to give a months notice on our lease. Now she's arguing with me as to why I havent tried to win her back yet.
It makes me think her breaking up with me was trying to force my hand. It still doesnt feel like we're really broken up though just a couple who are fighting and not really talking.
The biggest issue is that when she came to me and told me I was losing her all the things I saw about our future are gone.
I dont know how to tell her this or what to do really. I still love her and think she still loves me but if shes not happy and I dont see all the future stuff anymore whats the point?
Thanks guys if youve read this far. I know it may have been long winded.

ApeXaviour

Same_old wrote: »

Anyway as I said we moved in together nearly a year ago and I thought things were going great. I thought we were just starting to settle down. I saw Marriage and kids somewhere down the line for us. A few weeks ago she said to me she wasnt happy anymore with us and it was up to me to try and get things back to the way we were. I tried to do this. I planned a trip away for us and tried to be all "lovey dovey" like a new couple, which is what she kinda described was what she wanted. Im not great at romantic gestures as I'm probably the worst person I know at expressing their feelings.
Last week she came to me and said I didnt try hard enough and things werent getting any better and effectively broke up with me. I was/am absolutely crushed. She moved out of the house for a few days. I really should have talked to somebody sooner but as I said Im really not good at talking things through and stuff. She moved back in as she'd nowhere else to go and we have to give a months notice on our lease. Now she's arguing with me as to why I havent tried to win her back yet.
It makes me think her breaking up with me was trying to force my hand. It still doesnt feel like we're really broken up though just a couple who are fighting and not really talking.
The biggest issue is that when she came to me and told me I was losing her all the things I saw about our future are gone.
I dont know how to tell her this or what to do really. I still love her and think she still loves me but if shes not happy and I dont see all the future stuff anymore whats the point?

Uh... I'm not sure what she expects from you. She's projecting her own insecurities and unhappiness onto you, blaming you rather unfairly it would seem. Win her back? What have you done to send her away? She's taking you on this emotional rollercoaster, tbh she should be the one trying to win you back.
Talk to her, calmly and amicably, don't get drawn into an argument. Tell her she needs to own her own happiness and take responsibility for it. If you do care for her and show it through the little things and your everyday behaviour (grand gestures are contrived and unnecessary) then you're doing your job as a loving partner. Tell her that you were fully committed to her but it's not acceptable for her to continue playing these games with you. Either she loves and accepts you for who you are or she doesn't.

Jumpy

ApeXaviour wrote: »

Uh... I'm not sure what she expects from you. She's projecting her own insecurities and unhappiness onto you, blaming you rather unfairly it would seem. Win her back? What have you done to send her away? She's taking you on this emotional rollercoaster, tbh she should be the one trying to win you back.
Talk to her, calmly and amicably, don't get drawn into an argument. Tell her she needs to own her own happiness and take responsibility for it. If you do care for her and show it through the little things and your everyday behaviour (grand gestures are contrived and unnecessary) then you're doing your job as a loving partner. Tell her that you were fully committed to her but it's not acceptable for her to continue playing these games with you. Either she loves and accepts you for who you are or she doesn't.

Agreed. This will happen to her with anyone. As cheesy as it sounds, its probably not you, its her.

Beruthiel

I agree with the two comments above with regards to it being all up to you.
Has she explained why you must do all the work?
It takes two people to keep a relationship going.
Did she explain what needs you weren't meeting?
What does she mean by getting things 'back the way they were'?
A long term relationship changes as time goes by, it will never be like it was in the first 3 to 6 months. It grows and becomes something completely different.
Perhaps she is not aware of this and expects a relationship a la the Hollywood verity. They don't exist in the real world.

I suggest you sit her down and ask her what it is she really wants.