Wasting my time?

LegacyUser

Ok, met a girl 5 weeks back. We'd been talking for quite a while through a dating site, she'd asked me a couple of times to meet but due to being busy with work her end we had to reschedule a couple of times. Didn't mind that at all, no rush or anything.

Anyway finally met, was really attracted to her physically as well as personality wise, felt a real click which was a first for me meeting someone that way. Had a great night, she told me she liked me and we ended the night by kissing and saying we'd met again.

Knew she was busy the next week so we arranged for the following weekend. Got a text from her that Friday asking would I mind meeting on the Sunday instead, said she needed a break from alcohol as she'd been at a big event the week before.

Again said no worries, she had got fairly drunk the first time we'd met, nothing embarrassing, well I thought anyway, but think she may have been a bit embarrassed herself. So thought an alcohol free date might be a good idea, get to know each other a bit better without the haze of a few drinks. Anyway we met, had a great afternoon, long walk, talked a lot and finished with a sit down meal in a restaurant.

Sorta kissed at the end, got the impression she was a bit shy although she had a grin from ear to ear so didn't worry about it and left feeling it went really well.

This is where it gets a bit confusing. I knew she was busy the next two weekends and was going to be the far end of the country so made no arrangement to meet in between. She did say she'd see me soon anyway. That was 4 weeks ago and since then I've got one text from her which was a reply to one I sent a week after we last met just to see how she was getting on.

Didn't get a reply to the next one I sent so decided to leave it....but belatedly remembered two weeks later that we'd had problems before with her replies coming the next day due to the reception in the area she was in so decided to send just a short mail on the off chance she had replied.

Got a reply same day, saying she had and had planned to get in touch since she got back but had been busier than expected. Also just talked about all the things she had on over the next week.

So replied to that, again keeping it light, and just asked if she'd like to meet up the following week, that is if she would like to see me again? Without looking for a clear cut yes or no just wanted to know really if she did want to meet again?

Got a reply, but very vague. Just that she was really busy the following week as well as the following weekend but that one of these days she would have time?

Jesus just reread this and I know, sounds like I'm hounding her, and a bit sad.

Thing is I've only sent two mails and texts over 5 weeks so it is fairly spread out. She had given the impression she was interested, wanted to meet again. I know she has been really busy so didn't mind if it wasn't for a few weeks or so.......but I am really wondering if she is interested at all or am I being fobbed off? Just don't understand if that's the case why not just say I don't want to meet again? Or if you do want to meet again say I'm really busy but would like to meet again?

I'm very straight up with people generally and won't leave them hanging. It's one thing she said she liked and we had in common but doesn't look like that at the moment

Oryx

I wonder if maybe youre being held in reserve in case something (someone) else she has going doesnt work out. I just think if she really liked you and was focused only on you, she would not have been too busy to get in touch. Unless of course, she is workaholic or something.

My instinct would be to let it go, its a pity, but such is the dating site game.

La frog fairy

yes, i agree with Oryx

I can tell you that there is not such thing as being THAT busy that you cant send a text, it takes 3 secs to send a text, even to say" im swamped, catch up later".

Having say that, I think you probably should of give up the text and simply call her and leave a message if she was not answering, you would of had your clue earlier than now.

I think sadly she is leading you on, or keeping you on the back burner because either theres another guy she might feel more for on the side or its a case of "just not that into you".

Sorry this might not have been what you wanted to hear, its hard when you do fancy someone and they dont as much, but when you will meet a girl that will actually really like you, she wont let you guess, you will know it without a doubt!

let go of this one and move on...theres another one somewhere waiting for your texts!;)

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies guys. Yeah thought as much myself and writing it down just clarified it really.

Had occurred to me that maybe she was double dating, especially when she changed plans from the Saturday to Sunday, for a sec the cynical side thought that maybe a better offer had come up and I was relegated to Sunday. She did let it slip on the Sunday that she had gone out in the end anyway. Honestly though? don't think that was the case, fairly optimistic by nature and she didn't come across like that.

But yeah, I did think if you're into someone you generally at least let them know you are interested that instead of the constant vagueness which as well as leaving the impression you're being kept on standby or the subs bench is just tiring. Not to mention only checking and discovering your text didn't send when you get a mail two weeks later wondering why you didn't reply? meh

Miss Fluff

I know there have been weeks for me where I literally may have five or six evenings taken up with stuff through meeting friends/a class/work stuff so I would believe that she has been busy. I think you are both being very vague and skirting around the issue though. If she has said that "one of these days" she would like to meet then about time to say it to her something along the lines of "cool, would Tuesday or Wednesday be better". If she can't commit to a time/make time a few days in advance then I wouldn't bother any more. It's all too easy to say that meeting up again would be great but let her put her money where her mouth is imho.

Tchaikovsky

From previous experience I'd say let this one go, dude.
If I was really into someone I'd make damn sure I'd get to see her as much as possible.
She may be busy, dating someone else, not looking for a relationship or just not into you.. either way, it's not worth hanging around to find out. Go and nab someone who deserves you .

LegacyUser

Miss Fluff wrote: »

I know there have been weeks for me where I literally may have five or six evenings taken up with stuff through meeting friends/a class/work stuff so I would believe that she has been busy. I think you are both being very vague and skirting around the issue though. If she has said that "one of these days" she would like to meet then about time to say it to her something along the lines of "cool, would Tuesday or Wednesday be better". If she can't commit to a time/make time a few days in advance then I wouldn't bother any more. It's all too easy to say that meeting up again would be great but let her put her money where her mouth is imho.

Fair enough Miss Fluff and I can understand someone being really busy, happens to me as well from time to time. Maybe it's just me but generally if I like someone I will communicate that in some shape or form apart from vague hints of meeting again sometime, even the odd text saying really busy at the moment but I'll see you soon or whatever.

To be honest I don't think I've been vague, last time we met I did say would she like to meet up again and she said yes. I added by text that evening if she fancied meeting for a coffee or whatever before heading off later that week give me a shout (she was too busy) and in the last mail I sent I did ask "would she like to meet the following week if she did want to meet again?".

I know people will say screw texting or mailing. Thing is we only met twice, I know she is busy and I know if it was me I would think someone is putting a bit too much pressure on me when I'm already under pressure and really don't need any more.

I'm an easy going guy and have no problem with giving someone space, I like my own space as well. But I will also be quite clear (in a nice way) if someone asks would I like to meet again and I don't want to. If I do want to but don't have the time I will say that. Fairly simple I would have thought?

Anyway main reason I came on was just to get a sounding board on this. Was still on the dating site however hadn't been talking to anyone else since I'd met her. Not cos of crazy "she's the one" notions or anything silly, just like to concentrate on giving something a chance without distractions and messing some other poor girl around by keeping her on standby. Anyway another girl got in touch at the start of last week off the site, seems really nice and wants to meet but I wasn't sure if I was being premature in writing off the girl I'd already met or if I was being stupid discounting at least meeting anyone else.

Decided feck it and have arranged to meet this other girl. See how it goes, if we hit it off and the other girl gets back in touch ah well, snooze and lose