Help with parents

Casillas

I'm 24 and unemployed. As a result I moved home while trying to find a new job. Trouble is my mother works part-time in a shop and my Dad is unemployed as well for the first time in his life. I'm giving most of my dole allowance towards bills, food, ESB, SKY etc. My parents though keep going to friends weddings etc. Saturday night they're throwing a big party for their friends spending loads of money on food and drink. Of course the problem is again, next week there won't be any food in the house, next ESB bill, they won't have money to pay and it'll fall on me again to help them out. How do I tell my parents to cop on without getting the 'You're under our roof', routine?

hybridmouse

Op will this party mean that you will have to give them more of your dole than usual? Do you have set amount that you give them towards housekeeping while you are living there?

Shelli2

I would sit them down and tell them your saving for your own place, and as such can only give a set amount each week, be very clear with them that they won't be getting any money over the weekly amount and they have to make do with that. Set a reasonable amount to cover your portion of food and bills, and a little extra "rent" for your room.. and stick to it. If they ask for more, simply tell them you don't have it, if they question you, you can say it's going into a savings account you don't have access too.

Good luck! I've only very recently got out from my parents place, it's tough being and adult and having to go "backwards"

Casillas

hybridmouse wrote: »

Op will this party mean that you will have to give them more of your dole than usual? Do you have set amount that you give them towards housekeeping while you are living there?

As it stand I'm paying for food for the week for all of us, pay the esb and sky. I occasionally pay a little more if necessary on a bill that has to be paid. I just can't make them understand that they can't keep blowing their money on junk. My Dad bough a gas barbecue last month, which is ridiculous. We live in the countryside, there's no public transport and I've no car. So I'm housebound at the moment. I'm making sacrifices, but they won't. It's a tough situation.

I cant believe this.

Your parents have worked all their lives, I presume they reared you and put you through school, and now when you have no job and no money you go running back to mammy and daddy and are annoyed because they are spending money on what they want?

I'm sure your parents have managed to survive financially before without you and will do so in the future again. They can spend their money on whatever they like, at this stage in their lives they've earned the right to do that.

They are looking for money from you to pay towards bills etc. So what? I dont see a problem here, you're a grown man, time to start paying your way and acting like one. Your Da bought a BBQ.. God help us and save us, give the man a break, he's recently been let go from work. Their are no jobs around, a bbq seems like quite a good investment for him, he will be able to relax with a few beers in the evenings with friends, which at this stage hes earned the right to do.

If you dont like the fact that you are having to pay all the bills then just move out. It sounds like it would be cheaper for you anyway, considering you are paying all the bills and providing food for 3 people:rolleyes:

hybridmouse

Ah I don't know xyz, there needs to be a level of reason on both sides to make a situation like this work. It sounds like the OP is giving his/her share (more than their share to be honest) and the parents are using it as an excuse to splash the cash.

I would be so grateful to my parents for taking me back home but they need to be fair. Having a child home again is not an excuse to bleed them dry. Perhaps OP you need to sit down and discuss a budgeting plan with them, suggest a sum that you can manage and stick to that.

You might look at a cheap room somewhere else, I agree with the other poster that it would seem the cheaper option given how things are going at home and you'd be the master of your own finances again.

Beruthiel

Casillas wrote: »

How do I tell my parents to cop on

You don't.
If my daughter ever thought of telling me how to behave, that would be one short lived conversation.
Your parents are now adults, living in their home, how they chose to live their lives is up to them. Be it right or wrong, you don't get to decide.

without getting the 'You're under our roof', routine?

Well, you are still under their roof.
As a 24 year old adult, if you don't like living with them, go live somewhere else.
imo they have crossed a line, expecting you to pay for food on their behalf and not budgeting accordingly themselves.
You do need to move out asap.

hybridmouse

Beruthiel wrote: »

You don't.
If my daughter ever thought of telling me how to behave, that would be one short lived conversation.

I think if the parents have reached an agreement to allow the OP move back home then it's only fair on both parties to make the situation tolerable. If the irresponsable actions of the parents are having a direct financial impact on the OP, then this is a situation that needs discussion.

Just because they are the parents and he is the child, doesn't mean that they don't need to rethink their actions. Just because they are parents doesn't make them infallible and if there is no communication they won't know the extent of the problem. He is an adult and they are taking money, therefore he does have a say in household matters.

No one wants to have to move back home but a responsible parent would reach a fair agreement on rent/bills and help their child get back on their feet rather than keeping them in a position where they are forced to pay the majority of the household bills.

Motley Crue

tell your parents you are saving for your own place and your money is tight as a result. you need bus fare to attend interviews and go to the job centre, you need milk for breakfast in the morning and you need to save money to help out if a bill comes through or a tax demand or an emergency, like a family funeral. if you say all these things and don't mention them at all they will most likely not bother you for money.