Weddings for the Unromantic

valarie001

Hi I am looking for suggestions/help! i am in the middle of planning my wedding.
Ive been to quite a few weddings and every one seems to me like very soppy (sorry if this offends anyone) suitable for some but not me. I have often felt like taking a mop.
The idea of the first dance freaks me out completely :eek:
I am not the type of person who likes public displays of affection. dont mind seeing it but wouldnt be caught doing it.
Anyway I cant see the priest letting me walk up the isle to Another one bites the dust so please suggestions?
Also a non soppy first dance song?
I want the day to be a more of a fun/laugh than sap that type of wedding would be me. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated

NOIMAGINATION

Why do you have to have a first dance song at all -why not have a family first dance, get all your family onto the dance floor with you and just pick your favourite tune and have a laugh dancing to it.... Its your wedding - if you don't want a first dance you don't have to have one - though I will say it is a wedding so some element of romance will inevitably seep in at some point in the day

valarie001

Good idea noimagination, but unfortuanatly the pressure for the first dance is being put on by the family, they are very traditional. so that wont work.
I know romance will seep in at some point that day but if it all happens naturally thats fine,im good with that. I just hate this act for the day, the put on stuff.
ive seen a wedding with all that and then the bride and groom bickering in the lobby that evening. its ridiculous.

tinkerbell

OP, it's your day. If you do not want a first dance, then don't have it. Presumably people in your family have already been married and therefore had their day. This is not their day, it is yours. It is not their right to tell you what to do on your day.

Just do what you want. Seriously - with weddings, you are ALWAYS going to get people who criticise you, no matter what you to. So just do what you feel is right. At the end of the day, if you do a first dance, and it makes you unhappy and uncomfortable, what kind of a wedding day is that to remember?

DM addict

I agree with the above.

This is *completely* your day. It should be how you want. If you don't want something, don't have it. If people are complaining/putting pressure on, explain that this is your decision and if they don't like it they can get stuffed.

I mean, I'm choosing to get married in calf high Doc Martens. Sure, it's different. But it's my day. So no matter what my sister says about it not being "proper", I'm doing it anyway. If it bothers her that much, she doesn't have to come. Simple as.

I'm not suggesting you start uninviting your family, but lay down the law. They can advise, but the final decision is yours and your partner's. Good luck

Whispered

With regards to walking up the aisle - we were not pushed on the music really so we just asked the local organ player to do her thing. I don't even have any idea what she's going to play and she's such a sweet woman I'm sure it'll be something very proper will be a bit of a suprise for us!

valarie001 wrote: »

Also a non soppy first dance song?
I want the day to be a more of a fun/laugh than sap that type of wedding would be me.

We're dancing to Baby I love you - it's fun and happy but still with a nice sentiment I think. There are so many happy and fun love songs out there that don't require you to be loved up on the dance floor. You could have a good dance to something like "signed sealed delivered" or for some cheesy fun "when I'm 64" or "we go together" from Greece.

You could even line dance to a country love song (for ever and ever amen )

What sort of feeling did you want to convey?

valarie001

well i wanted a fun kinda day, im just not a typical bride, and im usually the type of person who shys away from attention so quiet.
i have layed down the law with the family but they just think im being awkward and get the huff with me. if id know this was expected off me id have went abroad.
i just want a nice day minus the mush thats why i thought if i upped the fun factor it might help
thanks so much for the advise!!

Eliza Dolittle

You people are all speaking my language:p

I hate the thought of a soppy slushy day also, I fully expect my folks to comepletely lose it when I tell them that we won't be adhering to the status quo:rolleyes::(

valarie001

Eliza Dolittle wrote: »

You people are all speaking my language:p

I hate the thought of a soppy slushy day also, I fully expect my folks to comepletely lose it when I tell them that we won't be adhering to the status quo:rolleyes::(

now i feel normal:D i think the slush is such a false act, very put on looking.

Whispered

valarie001 wrote: »

if id know this was expected off me id have went abroad.

Don't worry, I've gone through that feeling a load of times myself. Even now, with 2 weeks to go certain family members are making things difficult. One aunt has refused to go to the wedding, then removed myself, my sister and my mother from facebook. Nooooooo idea what we've done but I'm sure we've somehow brokn some golden rule of ettiquette. :rolleyes:

Stick with it, I'm sure you thought of going abroad in the first place and decided not to for some reason, so just keep reminding yourself of that reason.

Eliza Dolittle

valarie001 wrote: »

now i feel normal:D i think the slush is such a false act, very put on looking.

So false!!!! And the Verbal diarrhoea in the speeches!!!! We were at a wedding recently and you wouldn't find the speech contents inside of the sloppiest of Hallmark cards:D

Whispered

I understand what you're all saying, but it might be nice to remember that for some people sloppy loviness etc is what THEIR wedding means to them and what they want from their day.......

I was at a wedding on Saturday and I certainly wouldn't have called it false. Fair enough wanting something a bit different (and it's not all that different tbh) but it's not really fair to put others ideas of what a wedding should be down.

Eliza Dolittle

Whispered wrote: »

I understand what you're all saying, but it might be nice to remember that for some people sloppy loviness etc is what THEIR wedding means to them and what they want from their day.......

I was at a wedding on Saturday and I certainly wouldn't have called it false. Fair enough wanting something a bit different (and it's not all that different tbh) but it's not really fair to put others ideas of what a wedding should be down.

You make a fair point Whispered. I do think some couples really put it on tho.

valarie001

as i said at the start of the thread fine for some but certinly not for me. to be honest i feel like heaving
not all weddings should be the same but its hard to get away from this, i dont even know how i will
verbal diarrheoa:D il remember that to say to the family:D

Whispered

I'm sure some do, I only thought I'd say something because I remember asking advice here on something and getting told how false and tacky it was etc and it really upset me in my delicate bridal state haha

Kimono-Girl

valarie001 wrote: »

not all weddings should be the same but its hard to get away from this, i dont even know how i will

you will, trust me,

with us i know my OH's family (they are very traditional Catholics) will prob not be too happy with our choices for our day but we are doing what we (well i ) want and that's what counts,

As for the Church music i found instrumentals were a good way around it, e.g we're having my step-dad and a close family friend play guitar they are doing an instrumental of coldplay's - till kingdom come...
so if you want another one bites the dust find a way to get around the priest!


for the first dance we are doing Foo fighters - everlong not exactly a slow dance

as for speeches we've cut them completely, we are just going to thank our guests for coming, tell them enjoy their night, then food! should take 3 seconds no word vomit!

we've tailored our wedding removing every part we weren't happy with adding our own bits, you should do the same, as for family they love you, they have to be there, and they have to see you afterward!

so make sure you are happy with your day!

Whispered

candlelover wrote: »

for the first dance we are doing Foo fighters - everlong not exactly a slow dance

Really jealous - my OH wouldn't go with this song despite weeks of persuasion.

valarie001

another one bites the dust was just a joke
in my rebellion i feel like going overboard with them
the real problem was the first dance if you dont dance slow then how do you do it? think i need lessons!!:eek:
i quite like baby i love you song as its a bit upbeat but to dance to it is another thing, havent a clue.
thats a great idea with the speeches i will definatly be taking that one.

Jelly2

valarie001 wrote: »

another one bites the dust was just a joke
in my rebellion i feel like going overboard with them
the real problem was the first dance if you dont dance slow then how do you do it? think i need lessons!!:eek:
i quite like baby i love you song as its a bit upbeat but to dance to it is another thing, havent a clue.
thats a great idea with the speeches i will definatly be taking that one.

The question about dancing to a nonslow song is a good one! We want to have Galway Girl, but don't know how to dance to it really. Should we just dance around in our usual 'jump in the air, limbs everywhere, Riverdance mockery' or should we do something a bit more organised? We do want a first dance, but are a bit worried about the actual dancing...

bridetobeone

Jelly2 wrote: »

The question about dancing to a nonslow song is a good one! We want to have Galway Girl, but don't know how to dance to it really. Should we just dance around in our usual 'jump in the air, limbs everywhere, Riverdance mockery' or should we do something a bit more organised? We do want a first dance, but are a bit worried about the actual dancing...

Why not have a good old jive!!Its not that difficult to learn :D:D

Jelly2

bridetobeone wrote: »

Why not have a good old jive!!Its not that difficult to learn :D:D

Thanks! Excuse my innocence, but would we need a rock n roll song to jive?

Kimono-Girl

valarie001 wrote: »

the real problem was the first dance if you dont dance slow then how do you do it? think i need lessons!!:eek:
i quite like baby i love you song as its a bit upbeat but to dance to it is another thing, havent a clue.
.

just dance the way you feel comfortable, maybe come up with a routine and i don't mean one of those matching macerena type ones i mean just do what you normally do to dance, take the bits that work with the song (also that you can do in the dress) and make your own dance routine for your song so both of you know what you are doing!

Jelly2

candlelover wrote: »

just dance the way you feel comfortable, maybe come up with a routine and i don't mean one of those matching macerena type ones i mean just do what you normally do to dance, take the bits that work with the song (also that you can do in the dress) and make your own dance routine for your song so both of you know what you are doing!

OK, we're going to need to practise this! At least I won't have the dress to worry about...I'm going to change from what will be a 'non-wedding' type dress into jeans and t-shirt as soon as the meal is over...

Alliandre

We're not having a first dance, or anything that makes us feel uncomfortable, no matter what family members say. I'm not a huge fan of soppy things either (though I don't mind a little bit - it is a wedding afterall!), so hoping to go for a slightly informal thing if possible. I hope you can sort out what you want OP. Sometimes you just have to put the foot down.

Beruthiel

I don't understand why anyone would allow themselves to be put under pressure on their wedding day.
We decided in advance what kind of day we were going to have and everyone was told in advance what to expect.
We had a small group of 34 people. Big weddings can be impersonal, expensive and stressful. We chose to avoid that.
A five minute civil ceremony followed by a banquet of 7 courses with loads of wine was our ideal wedding, so that's what we did.
No speeches. No dancing. Just a relaxed dinner with good company.
It was a lovely, chilled out day.

OP
Decide what you would like to happen on the day and do it your way.