i'm just so sad

LegacyUser

just what it says on the tin. I'm so sad all of time and i don't know what to do. I've been on lexapro, then efexor xl and xanax. Nothing helped, i still felt sad but i just couldn't cry anymore. Now i just take xanax the odd time when i need to calm down; I get so angry sometimes, so frustrated at everything.
I'm in a job i don't like, its very stressful and its going no-where, i'm called a manager so i'm supposed to feel important but my salary is well below par and there are no prospects.
I have a man i love very much who i am getting married to very soon, he works full time too but we barely get by financially as he has children from a previous relationship that he supports.
I know that our situation will never improve, i know that his kids come first and that if i have a child with him we will struggle greatly financially and i will need to go back to work almost immediately.
I love him so much but i'm so ****in lost as to what to do.
I can never go back to college because we could never afford it, i could never take time off to raise a family.Right now i feel so ****ing old and so tired of working for nothing when i know there's nothing i can do to improve our situation. is this it? is this as good as it gets?

Oryx

No, this is not as good as it gets. You do have a lot of problems to deal with, I can understand you feeling low.

You say you get angry, and frustrated (and depression is anger turned inwards) you sound helpless, there are a lot of 'nevers' within your post. You need to make some changes and start taking control of your life better. The more helpless you feel, the more depressed and angry it will make you.

First off, stop saying never. From what you say, you need the following to change:

A new job
Better pay/finances
A more positive future with your fiance

So break each one down.

A new job... Have you been looking? Have you applied? Talked to an agency or FAS?

Better pay. This one is tricky, in this climate its hard to ask for a raise, but can you do paid overtime? Can you change your outgoings in any way to manage better? Write lists, itemise your expenses and income. It helps to see it written down.

Have you talked to your fiance about how you feel, or are you bottling it up? He does need to know how you are feeling right now.

The main problem is the helplessness and frustration you feel. If you start to tackle the things that are depressing you, even in a small way, you may feel more in control, and that may help your feelings to improve.

LegacyUser

thanks for your reply:)

I have spoken with him about how i feel, thats one of the reasons i love him so much, because i can talk to him. The problem with talking to him is it makes him feel bad and makes him scared that i'll leave him. He feels bad because he feels i'm giving up alot of things to be with him and taking on alot of stuff that a woman my age wouldn't usually be.
For instance; we now have his teenage child living with us.

As far a jobs go, i'm always on the look out but theres very few out there. I can't ask for a payrise as i'm all too aware of the financial situation at work and believe me, i couldn't scrimp and save any more then i am! i never waste money, don't drink except the occasional bottle of wine on sale!

I dunno what i'm looking for by posting this to begin with, I think i might just be venting.

Ticktactoe

If your feeling this way then this is not the best time to start evaluating your life, finances and prospects. You may think the reasons you feel the way you feel are because of these issues when in fact there is an under lying problem already.

You need to get help. You need to get your mind in focus and you need to feel you are not in a hole. Go to your doc and get councelling.

WesternNight

Ticktactoe wrote: »

If your feeling this way then this is not the best time to start evaluating your life, finances and prospects. You may think the reasons you feel the way you feel are because of these issues when in fact there is an under lying problem already.

You need to get help. You need to get your mind in focus and you need to feel you are not in a hole. Go to your doc and get councelling.

I can see why you're saying that, but sometimes people are angry, sad, and frustrated simply because of circumstances. Not every angry or sad person is suffering from an underlying condition. Sometimes it really is the sh*tty job or the bad relationship or whatever else that has people feeling like this.

George Orwell 1982

Have you tried psychotherapy at all?

LegacyUser

unregistered111111 wrote: »

thanks for your reply:)

I have spoken with him about how i feel, thats one of the reasons i love him so much, because i can talk to him. The problem with talking to him is it makes him feel bad and makes him scared that i'll leave him. He feels bad because he feels i'm giving up alot of things to be with him and taking on alot of stuff that a woman my age wouldn't usually be.
For instance; we now have his teenage child living with us.

As far a jobs go, i'm always on the look out but theres very few out there. I can't ask for a payrise as i'm all too aware of the financial situation at work and believe me, i couldn't scrimp and save any more then i am! i never waste money, don't drink except the occasional bottle of wine on sale!

I dunno what i'm looking for by posting this to begin with, I think i might just be venting.

Hi OP, sorry to hear you are so overwhelmed in yourself, sometimes it is very hard to be positive and some days can be very dark. It is important to have someone you can vent/talk to, i relate to this because i have to teach my BF a lot how to be there for me emotionally and i often find it get bottled up.

What i got from your post is that you are feeling low in yourself there is a sense that you are deep down upset for not being put first, it is a classic female role, and one we all take on and it can go on for years! I think your gut is telling you that you want more, that you need more, that you need to feel special. I think your partner needs to compromise better with you, if you are providing such a backdrop for him and his family you need to feel more respected. Communicating more with him may help you to find that, like is your space being respected, your things, your time etc, just try and see if you can put some better boundaries in place, like if you have to be in the situation there may be some solutions to feeling better within it, therapy is a good option there are free places available or donation places, google it locally in your area for links, dont know if you would be into any soul fulfilling books bit Eckhart Tolle's book THE POWER OF NOW and A NEW EARTH anre just great for getting some direction and mo jo back in your life, the basic change he taught me is that you can start to key into the present moment more, notice a bird singing to you as you go to work, notice how comfortable your house serves you, and your bed at night, notice how lovely it is to have a partner who you can share your thoughts and feelings with each night, notice how caring you are as a person that you would be so kind to love your partner and his family so much you would put them before yourself. I think if you could learn to love yourself more you would feel better and consequently the vibes you put out would be so positive that only positive vibes come back to you. These boks really did help me to get to a better place inside, i wish you all the best, love and light XOXO