Money worries

LegacyUser

I have so many worries at the min I dont know where to start. I work for myself but earn extremely little and I mean tiny amounts. My business is failing and the only reason it continues is because the odd few quid here and there comes in very handy. My girlf had a great job but lost it last year due to recession and hasnt gotten even an interview since, we dont know why, she has great experience and great staying power in ajob, working 17 yrs in 2 jobs.

My better halfs dole was stopped, under review as they say it. Has been this way for a couple of weeks and with 3 kids we are struggling. We have nothing coming in and huge bills to pay, phone is due to be cut off in the next few days and debt collector letters piling up and I just dont know what to do. Hopefully the dole situation will be sorted soon.

Thing that is really getting me down even more is I always thought there was some where to turn. We have on both sides pretty well off families. Of the most well off one says I should be able to stand on my own two feet, provide for my family and not need to borrow, now we havent asked him for anything as these remarks kind of tell us the reaction to any request but the other one, whom I always thought I could rely on and never expect anything from, well I found myself in a situation where there was a large gas bill that needed to be paid and I had to ask. It took me weeks to build up the courage all the while knowing things were steadily getting worse and the reaction to the request made me feel even worse than the stress. I thought I could rely on this person, I thought this person would want to help, knowing she has such a large amount of cash available at any time but it was far from it. It was like a very reluctant yes but with a few put downs in there too.

We dont want to be in this position, I dont want to hide my stress or my fears from my other half, we are trying, I am trying, I am available to work every day but the work just isnt there and I feel like I am heading for a breakdown, I just dont know how to cope. I am sick of people with money telling me money isnt the be all and end all of everything, but when my boys want new footie boots what do I say to them, when the debt collectors knock on the door what if I am not home and my girlf and kids are left to handle it... Why is it the only family members that want to help us are the ones that are not much better off than ourselves whilst the others who can fork out numerous holidays with brand new cars in the drives of their big homes make us feel so small, when we are at our lowest its like they kick us in the gut....

thefeatheredcat

OP,

With your OH's dole being under review, is it possible to contact the Community Welfare Officer (CWO) and receive payments from them? if she hasn't already? that would be the next stop while the dole is stopped, just a matter picking up the form, filling it out, going back in with it completed and have all the items on the checklist and armed with the paperwork. I've had to do it before, and if you qualify for it, the cheque is given to you there and then (cashable at post office) and payments made in the same way as the dole. It would be worth while investigating anyway.

Re bills - MABS is your next stop if you're struggling. They will give you budgeting advice and other tools to use to help you sort out and manage your outgoings.

It's hard but you're going to have to learn to say no to your kids with some things. Obviously there's things they can't go without but take as many short cuts as you can. If you live in an estate, chances are someone might have football boots they've grown out of that might be usable.

Family and loans... it's pretty crap how that went down, but they might have been hit up for loans from others too. There's not much you can do on that except be proud that you had the courage to ask and were able to swallow your pride in the first place! Don't let it get to you - there are some people I've encountered who are in a world of their own living their high life with lots of money and have no idea what the real situation in this country is or what people are going through. Needless to say, their time will come.

I know it's even harder to ask those in the same situation for money, but if you have to, let them know their kindness won't go unpaid - you can always offer something in return that money can't buy. I doubt they would mind too much, I think they would be more concerned about you than the money.

Re stress - this is something you're going to have to address as soon as possible. You may need to speak to your GP about this, but the cheapest is to share the burden with your family and those close to you that you trust - not in the need for sympathy/money but just to get it out in the open and off your mind. They may not be able to fix the problem causing the stress but they can offer listening ears and support. I also find going to the bottle bank a great relief for stress and anger, even if it's just a quick fix.

Remember OP, you're not alone in the situation you're facing and all you can do in the end, is do the best that you can, struggle on and fight for another day. Things will improve and get better.

Sauve

OP, hang in there buddy - things WILL improve.
Times are tough - but you have to keep focusing on the day when all this crap is behind you.
Look forward to the day when you and your wife are in a comfortable situation, reminiscing about now, and being proud of all the effort you both went to to make things right again.
Don't let it drag you down, keep the chin up, and concentrate on keeping your wife and kids close, youll need them to help you celebrate when ye're all out the other side smiling