Reject

LegacyUser

Sorry i know this is really trivial, guess i just need to vent i'm just so dissapointed.
Met a guy out weekend before last, (i'm a girl, both late 20's) we got on great (so i thought), hadn't clicked like that with anyone in a while, swopped numbers, we parted ways, he texted later to say he hoped i'd had a good night. Roll on monday hadn't heard from him, so i sent him a text, just small talk, and yeah i know i should've rang him but.. anyway never heard back from him. I don't know why i'm feeling like this about this guy, i guess i should be used to rejection at this stage, its all i know, and its not that i'm desperate, really its not, i honestly don't just want a relationship for the sake of it, i don't usually chase guys, i just liked this one . My best friend has just started seeing someone as well, which is good for her, but its like now shes on a mission to "find me someone too", and i appreciate that she wants to help, but i don't just want "anyone", i want someone special , it makes me feel like the biggest reject. Nothing ever works out for me relationship wise, not to sound arrogant but dammit i'm a nice person, i know i have a lot to give, i'm caring, kind, considerate, affectionate, i'm not brash or loud, i can make people laugh, i know i'd make a great girlfriend, in fact i know i'd be a brilliant bloody girlfriend, but no one wants me, i swear if one more guy tells me "oh you're so pretty" (not that i feel it), and then never bothers to call/text me. Why? I don't want a guy to tell me i'm pretty, or hot, or gorgeous, i want him to tell me he thinks i'm a nice person, that he likes me for my personality, for me . Sorry this is not very coherent, but whats the magic formula?, i can't understand why some girls just click their fingers and have any guy they want, when they want? Am i missing something? Is there some glaringly obvious flaw with me? Should i just be a complete brash arrogant cow to men from now on, because from where i'm standing, its just the tired old cliche that 'nice people always finish last'....

LegacyUser

When you get to your late twenties, nightclubs and pubs are probably the worst place you can meet anyone! You're better off giving them a miss and doing something you actually like. Sports, dinner with friends, hiking, gigs....anything at all to get you away from desperation central ie clubs and pubs.
If you love what you're doing, you'll meet loads of like minded people (female and male) and you'll forget about wanting to have a special someone by your side. At the moment, you're only tormenting yourself trying to find someone.

Zen65

reject12345 wrote: »

....but dammit i'm a nice person, i know i have a lot to give, i'm caring, kind, considerate, affectionate, i'm not brash or loud, i can make people laugh, i know i'd make a great girlfriend, in fact i know i'd be a brilliant bloody girlfriend, but no one wants me, i swear if one more guy tells me "oh you're so pretty" (not that i feel it), and then never bothers to call/text me. Why? I don't want a guy to tell me i'm pretty, or hot, or gorgeous, i want him to tell me he thinks i'm a nice person, that he likes me for my personality, for me .

I think this is exactly the right attitude! You genuinely do come over as a nice person in this post!

So stop trying to meet that guy in pubs & clubs, because people there don't share these ideals. Join sports clubs, drama societies, or other associations where people meet to share common interests and where that kind of relationship is more likely to flourish.


Be at peace,

Z

LegacyUser

You were too pushy, too full on. He got scared.

Guys are constantly weaving between clingy women who have the potential to be psycho.
He just wasn't into you enough to take the risk. No reply to one text and its time to give up, don't go sending another text. Behaviour like that gives women a bad name.

Also couldn't agree more with unregistered. Late 20s in a nightclub looking for a man screams desperation. You need to look elsewhere. You need to stop pursuing and just allow it to happen.

LegacyUser

Hi there.. ok completely understand where your coming from.. about year and half ago everyone in my group seemed to be pairing off.. to make it worse one my friends hooked up with another friends boyf.. sorry if confusion but yes i panicked oh no they'll be double dating..
how can i go out with them.. spent a few weekends panincking about the whole thing..

to make it worse my friends went on a mission to set me up with ANYONE guy half willing.. mortifying and NOT good for the confidence.. they are only trying to help..
but just take it in good spirits. they'll get bored..

So to get to the point i met a guy few months later.. not in night club/ pub but through work-mates.. but this happened when i had relaxed about the whole thing..

keep thinking.. "everything works out as it's meant too"

even now when set-up went so wrong i see why

very content now.. So will you be

IrishEyes19

Anotherone123 wrote: »

You were too pushy, too full on. He got scared.

Guys are constantly weaving between clingy women who have the potential to be psycho.
He just wasn't into you enough to take the risk. No reply to one text and its time to give up, don't go sending another text. Behaviour like that gives women a bad name.

Also couldn't agree more with unregistered. Late 20s in a nightclub looking for a man screams desperation. You need to look elsewhere. You need to stop pursuing and just allow it to happen.

I agree that being clingy is such a turn off, but to be honest you can meet someone anywhere, be it a club or a bus stop or the local shop, its just harder in a club because alcohol has a numbing effect on people and they often arent the same the next day. However, you either spark with someone or you dont. Meeting in people in clubs and pursuing something is just as risky as meeting someone through friends and pursuing, people change over relationships anyway and you never truly know someone until things get a little tough. Its always a risk to pursue someone no matter where you are, as you are literary placing your heart and your mind on a plate to them and saying, hey this is me. And praying you wont be rejected.

Having said that, dont be shocked he didnt text back, he could have had a gf Im sorry to say or perhaps he was on the pull or perhaps he didnt want a gf, the other posters have a point about clubs, dont place too much importance on meeting people there and looking for an instant relationship, its very hard because you really are just strangers at the end of the day. Instead take the compliment that he liked you that night and thats all....things come around when they are supposed to. You cant force love and you most certainly dont want to cry over a guy who cant be bothered to get in touch. Thats just a waste of time.

PS, I dont think its desperation to be in late 20's and in a club if she meets someone, regardless of where you meet a guy, the OP didnt throw herself at him, thats desperation. Being disappointed in sparking with someone and then never seeing them again, is just human nature. Rejection is universally painful. So OP, its not desperate. Your reaction is quite normal, I would just move on now and realise its not you, just not the right guy.