I like being a loner! Is it possible?

LegacyUser

Hi I am an 21 year old lad and I never was the best to make friends. I always found to hard and I only had a few to begin with. I was relly badly bullies in secodary school and I just gave up trying and I did a ****r leaving cert and I was always made feel like crap. No matter what I did. I did try to make friends in collage and stuff but I am not the best to go out drinking so that never really worked. I have ni job at the moment but I am trying to get one so on the dole at the moment. The thing is I am totally by myself foe the last few months and I've never being as happy! So what I'm asking is it possible to want nobody in your life and just be by yourself?

LegacyUser

turningright wrote: »

Hi I am an 21 year old lad and I never was the best to make friends. I always found to hard and I only had a few to begin with. I was relly badly bullies in secodary school and I just gave up trying and I did a ****r leaving cert and I was always made feel like crap. No matter what I did. I did try to make friends in collage and stuff but I am not the best to go out drinking so that never really worked. I have ni job at the moment but I am trying to get one so on the dole at the moment. The thing is I am totally by myself foe the last few months and I've never being as happy! So what I'm asking is it possible to want nobody in your life and just be by yourself?

well it seems possible for you anyway and you seem happy with it.

up for anything

Yes, of course it is. Probably feels like a holiday to you. You seem to have had a rough time up till now and have come to a place where you feel like you have nobody to please but yourself. Sometimes I wish that I could be like that. I'd imagine too much of it though and you will find you become a bit lonely and aimless.

Perhaps you should re-enter 'life' to some extent - the ubiquitous night classes or voluntary work but this time in your interactions with other people demand the same respect from them that you do from yourself and realise that you don't need to put up with crap from other people just because you don't want to make waves or because you want to please them and not lose their friendship.

There is a fine line between enjoying your own company and becoming a batty, old, cat lady or whatever the equivalent is for a young man. Try not to cross it.

LegacyUser

Thanks!
The thing is when I did have a job for a bit I got on good with the people there but it was only when I was at work I meet them. I never meet anybody outside of school either. My parents were really strict with me when I was younger and I wasn't allowed out with driends until I was 13 and I wasn't allowed out after 9pm during the summer and 6 during the winter so I actually never really got the chance to meet up with people. The funny thing is about the cat comment. The cat is actually sitting on rigt beside me here in my bed!

strokemyclover

Good YouTube vid on this topic in Spirituality forum I spotted the other day:

<snip>

I found it good anyway!

Ickle Magoo

Posting links to YouTube are expressly banned as per the forum charter.

Please take the time to read the forum rules in the charter and abide by them.

Many thanks.
Ickle

pwd

I like solitude. Lots of people like solitude. Nothing odd about it.

cooltown

I understand you! I love being by myself to. I do believe however tough you should try and make friends!

Nolanger

cooltown wrote: »

I do believe however tough you should try and make friends!

Just don't lend them money.

turningright

turningright wrote: »

Hi I am an 21 year old lad and I never was the best to make friends. I always found to hard and I only had a few to begin with. I was relly badly bullies in secodary school and I just gave up trying and I did a ****r leaving cert and I was always made feel like crap. No matter what I did. I did try to make friends in collage and stuff but I am not the best to go out drinking so that never really worked. I have ni job at the moment but I am trying to get one so on the dole at the moment. The thing is I am totally by myself foe the last few months and I've never being as happy! So what I'm asking is it possible to want nobody in your life and just be by yourself?

No man (or woman) is an island as they say. You might feel good now but sooner or later it catches up with you. You cant shut yourself off from the world and you have to face it sometime. take up an activity and gradually build interactions with people

d10carter

You sound absolutely pathetic. Get out there and get a life. One day you'll sit up and wonder what the **** I was doing in the best years of my life.

Dudess

If you're happy that way, then it's right for you - however during times of adversity, you may need a support network so try to let people in. Most people are good.

Zaph

d10carter, another post like that and you'll be banned from this forum. I suggest you read the charter carefully before posting here again.

I'm very cosy on my own and the majority of the time I like it. Like yourself, I was bullied at school and never really had many friends. But there's times where I feel horribly lonely so while it's cosy, it's not a long term solution. I'd consider it to be avoidance actually - locking yourself away from the outside world out of fear.

Old Perry

In some ways it might not be all that healthy in the long run and you have developed this as a defensive mechanism, but i guess if you're happy, you're happy, my advice would be consider the future ie. some day you may wonder what youve been missing out on, you don't have to run out and search for friendship like your on a mission straight away but don't shun people either, they can be great help in many ways.
As said above no man is an island, humans are social beings.;)

LegacyUser

I can't stand most people. A couple of years ago a pyschiatrist diagnosed me with 'schizoid personality disorder', but I think that is mumbo jumbo. Fact is that I enjoy my own company, enjoy reading, enjoy writing, and enjoy muddling away at the things that give me peace and happiness. I've come to the conclusion that social interaction is the key to human rotten-ness, that healthy social relationships are necessarily based on the principle of exclusion and the creation of quasi pariah figures. In short there is a societal tyranny at work that dictates what is normal and what is not. No-one ever seems to ask if the majority is abnormal and the minority are normal. Normalcy is a majority concept anyway, and it is this constituency that defines who is odd and who is not.

The world is full of interfering, sociopathic old codgers who want to tear your soul out of you and enforce their dreadful plague of conformity/mediocrity upon you. If you are happy in your own skin then I suggest you cling to that happiness. Happiness is a rare quality, don't allow the dullards and nannies to boss you into thinking you are 'odd'. They are the odd ones.

youarenotodd

youarenotodd wrote: »

I can't stand most people. A couple of years ago a pyschiatrist diagnosed me with 'schizoid personality disorder', but I think that is mumbo jumbo. Fact is that I enjoy my own company, enjoy reading, enjoy writing, and enjoy muddling away at the things that give me peace and happiness. I've come to the conclusion that social interaction is the key to human rotten-ness, that healthy social relationships are necessarily based on the principle of exclusion and the creation of quasi pariah figures. In short there is a societal tyranny at work that dictates what is normal and what is not. No-one ever seems to ask if the majority is abnormal and the minority are normal. Normalcy is a majority concept anyway, and it is this constituency that defines who is odd and who is not.

The world is full of interfering, sociopathic old codgers who want to tear your soul out of you and enforce their dreadful plague of conformity/mediocrity upon you. If you are happy in your own skin then I suggest you cling to that happiness. Happiness is a rare quality, don't allow the dullards and nannies to boss you into thinking you are 'odd'. They are the odd ones.

proper happy bunny arent we. :rolleyes:
to be honest i have no problem with anyone being happy in their own company but i feel in order to get the most out of life we all need friends. there's a line there though between on our own and in the crowd which needs to be crossed every so often. it is by interacting with human beings that we learn.

beks101

It sounds to me like you have lost faith in people as a result of how you've been treated over the years and how you've struggled to make friends, and you've given up trying.

It's easy for you to be on your own right now because you can't experience that pain and disappointment, and I suppose that release can feel a bit like happiness.

I've done what you've done to a certain extent in my life and in the end you always wind up feeling lonely. Personal space, solitude, 'me-time' is a wonderful thing and you're probably of an introverted nature - count yourself lucky that you enjoy your own company as lots of people are useless at being on their own.

But ultimately, shutting yourself off from people entirely is going to affect all aspects of your life - your mental health, your happiness in the long run and even your working life, where social skills are an expected requirement in pretty much all fields.

I understand how hard it is to believe in people again when you've met all the wrong ones, but as Dudess said, for the most part people are good and compassionate - you've just met a few bad eggs.