Ex hassling me constantly

LegacyUser

Broke up with my ex 10 months ago.

We were going out about 18 months, both early 20s, only saw each other once a week and sex about once or twice a month, I was away travelling with friends for 6 months of the time we were together, ex didnt want to come, felt travel was waste of money. I realised we had nothing in common. All she wanted to do was sit with me and watch a DVD. I'm a very active guy and Any suggestions for her to join me on my hobbies were a no go.

I was building a house slowly at same time with plans to rent it out. Relationship was getting more and more distant. One night out I heard then gf and her friends discussing 'our future in the house', when I was likely to propose. Said nothing first, then saw the gf all over facebook mentioning stuff to do with house like "we're putting roof on today, so exciting".

I was very clear from start that I was not going to be living in house, it was to be rented, She didn't show much interest directly to me in the house but behind my back it was all she talked about, I had friends warning me about her. In the final weeks she dropped out of college (telling me 'what do I need an education for') and didn't bother signing on, just sat at home with parents watching Telly.

I ended relationship after we had a big fight and she started shouting what about the wedding, our future, the house.

There was no chance of us being together after the stuff she said. I count myself lucky!

But now 10 months later she is still haunting me and wanting to get back with me. Seems she set herself up for us to marry so she wouldn't need to work or earn money as I'd provide a house and income. I'm not assuming this, she's more or less told me herself, and all of her friends have confirmed the same. Even her mother had a go at me telling me she thought I was about to propose and that we'd be moving into 'OUR' house soon, and that I better be giving her daughter something from the rent money I get for the house!

The ex had zero input into the house so that won't be happening!

I now view the ex as a bunny boiler, as do most people, and yet she still constantly tries to talk to me, always texting me with a 'hey what's the crack'
I don't respond so there's a second third and fourth text with each one getting more full on.

I've told her to stop texting, to leave me alone, but it does no good. She might stop for a few days, then have a few drinks in the same pub as me on a Friday night and shes up hassling me, telling me I stole her future.

Now let me mention that she started seeing another guy about two weeks about two weeks after we split!

I'm wondering if anyone has experience of a crazy clingy ex and what the best way to deal with it is.

The house is just about finished now so her behaviour is more full on. I've told her to leave me alone, stop hassling me, I ignore every text now, I changed my phone number after losing a phone about 3 months ago but she got my new number and continued hassling.

Anyone had similar experience? I know a couple of my friends have been thru similar but their method of dealing with it was to get really nasty with the ex and scare her off, and I don't want to do that and Id be afraid how she'd react to that.

So suggestions? Thanks

Ickle Magoo

If you can't just delete her texts and ignore them then I would get a new sim card and only give your number out to friends, do the same with your e-mail, block her from face book & anything else she could contact you through and move on with your life. Ignore any and all contact - if you react or reply in any way she gets motivation to keep contacting. Ignore, ignore, ignore would be my advice.

tenchi-fan

You were her golden ticket.

Thread very carefully. If she gets a good lawyer she could actually get half that house from you. You should consider legal advice.

There is no reason she should be able to find out your new number so just be more careful in future. Never reply to any of her texts.

dearg lady

wow, that is seriously pyscho stuff!!!

I'd second what Ickle said, and also is it possible to block her number on your phone? Maybe give the phone company a shout and see if this is possible.

tenchi-fan wrote: »

If she gets a good lawyer she could actually get half that house from you. You should consider legal advice.

Sorry, just wondering how on earth this would be possible?? They weren't even living together!

Chinafoot

tenchi-fan wrote: »

Thread very carefully. If she gets a good lawyer she could actually get half that house from you. You should consider legal advice.

Eh? How did you work that one out? 18 months together, not living together and she would have no proof of having contributed anything towards the building of the house. Civil Partnership does not apply here. She wouldn't have a hope in hell of getting anything from him.

As for there being no reason for her to get his number. Well if they have mutual friends it would unfortunately be very easy for her to get his number if he hasn't told everyone not to give it to her. She could also take the number from someone's phone if she has the opportunity.

OP, I would tell her that if she doesn't cease contact you'll be contacting the Gardai to report her for harrassment. Then just ignore her. Don't reply to anything, don't speak to her on nights out, and if you do decide to change your number again make sure you tell all mutual friends that you do not want her to have your number, but be prepared for her to find out anyway. She sounds mental enough to be able to get it.

Apart from that there's not a whole lot else you can do.

Cheap Thrills!

Even her mother had a go at me telling me she thought I was about to propose and that we'd be moving into 'OUR' house soon, and that I better be giving her daughter something from the rent money I get for the house!

Hmph! The apple doesn't fall far from the tree does it!? Sounds like she got her freeloading ideas directly from her dullard Mother.

Anyway, I wouldn't give her my senses OP. Just change your phone number and ensure she doesn't get her mitts on the new one!

Well done for offloading the parasitic fool !

tinkerbell

tenchi-fan wrote: »

Thread very carefully. If she gets a good lawyer she could actually get half that house from you. You should consider legal advice.

This is rubbish. She was not his "common-law" spouse, they were never living together, and even if they were they were only together for 18 months, which does not give her rights to anything.

OP - time to change the number again, and tell your friends to give it out to NOBODY. Have you told them that she is harrassing you? Tell her one last time to stop, and if she doesn't, then you will take it further.

Taltos

As well as following the rest of the advice here - I suggest you go immediately to your garda station to ask for advice.

2 reasons.

1. They can help you prepare and gather records
2. When she comes calling about harrassment etc from YOU - - - they will already have been advised who the craze one is

In the meantime - tell all friends that NO-ONE is permitted to share your number when you change it next. If possible even ask them to store your number under a different name for when she nicks a phone...

Lucky escape mate.

LegacyUser

Uhh just to be clear here, we were never living together, like I said things were pretty casual (in my eyes) but i had no idea she was this unsteady.

She will have no problem getting my number as i'm a builder and my number is shared freely for business reasons. I don't know if it's possible to have her number b,coked from my phone but I'll look into it.

I never reply to her texts anyway. I walk away from her when she approaches at which point she'll tell me how great her new bf is in bed, I shrug and say nothing, I couldn't give a crap if her new bf is a prize stallion, good look to the poor fella, he has all the psycho behaviour ahead of him.

I guess my reason for posting here is I wonder why in the world a woman would behave like this? I've seen so many friends in similar situations and thought they were just playing it up but now they're giving me more info cos of my situation and this is pretty common behaviour. Women who dig their claws into a fella with a house, quit college or work and expect to inherit the house and the lot, then go nuts when that doesn't work out.

I'd love to hear back anonymously from a female here who understands this behaviour as I'm baffled.

I won't be speaking to her or having any contact. I'm sure she'll be continuing as she is and I'll def think about mentioning to police but no chance she'll be taking my house from me, she has no claim, no investment in it, so no worries!

Thanks for replies!

miec

As well as following the rest of the advice here - I suggest you go immediately to your garda station to ask for advice.

2 reasons.

1. They can help you prepare and gather records
2. When she comes calling about harrassment etc from YOU - - - they will already have been advised who the craze one is

In the meantime - tell all friends that NO-ONE is permitted to share your number when you change it next. If possible even ask them to store your number under a different name for when she nicks a phone...

+1, you had a lucky escape but I can understand the hassle is very stressful. I had a lot of hassle from my ex-husband using anyone and everyone to try and contact me, the only advice I can offer is the above but also do not engage in any conversation at all, even the 'don't contact me' speech. Be totally and utterly silent, it took me a long time to do that and even longer for him to get the message but it did work in the long run.

matrim

Depending on what phone you have you might be able to get an application that blocks all calls and texts from her number.

Ickle Magoo

Op.here..again wrote: »

I guess my reason for posting here is I wonder why in the world a woman would behave like this?

This forum is really just to get general advice on personal issues, you might consider posting your experience in humanities or the gentleman's club or even the ladies lounge if you are interested in a discussion on why some woman act in that way?

Distorted

Op.here..again wrote: »

I guess my reason for posting here is I wonder why in the world a woman would behave like this? I've seen so many friends in similar situations and thought they were just playing it up but now they're giving me more info cos of my situation and this is pretty common behaviour. Women who dig their claws into a fella with a house, quit college or work and expect to inherit the house and the lot, then go nuts when that doesn't work out.

I'd love to hear back anonymously from a female here who understands this behaviour as I'm baffled.

I'm female and tbh it baffles me too. But the answer is because they can. I've seen it happen with several guys in their mid twenties, and when I point it out, I'm told I'm being overly critical to expect that a young woman in her early twenties with no kids should consider working full time or getting an education at that stage in her life. I can only assume a lot of guys with low self esteem quite like women like that. Be glad you saw it coming.

Toots

OP, I'd suggest that you keep records of all the calls and texts and times she harasses you when you're out. Then go to your local Garda station and report it. Now they probably won't be able to do anything at the moment, but at least it'll be on record.

Also, if your phone is freely available for business, I suggest that you get a different sim card for personal use. Make it clear to business associates that you will be only contactable on the business numbers between certain hours. Other times use your personal number and make it clear to any friends who you give this number to that they are not to share it with anyone else under any circumstances.

thefeatheredcat

Op.here..again wrote: »

cos of my situation and this is pretty common behaviour. Women who dig their claws into a fella with a house, quit college or work and expect to inherit the house and the lot, then go nuts when that doesn't work out.

OP,

You're lucky to have gotten away from this woman, and I have sympathy for the new fella. Don't pay her any attention, she's either trying to make you jealous as wants you back and is settling with this guy as can't be seen without a man, or she's trying to put you down.

In my college years I met some women that were not quite like this but not far off it either.

I think it's down to how she was brought up and the certain expectations of parents, or rather, the mother, in getting married early and be dependant on him, particularly to men who had money and a job, so they could be free not to work.

Some lads I met in college were always moaning about women like this, they only were interested as long as you had a bit of land, a house that was to be 'theirs' and a job. The minute you lost your job, they'd be gone and leeching off the next fella that could provide the woman with a house, car, money, pay for their hair, nails, etc
Basically women who are used to 'daddy's money' and the provider of all things tangible switches from daddy to bf or husband and don't see it as their own responsibility to provide for themselves.

I think though after what was really 12 months of a relationship (I discount the 6 mths travelling) to be expecting a wedding ring (under what I would attribute to her programming as a child by mother) and expecting the be living in your house that you were building is plain scary to me. Clearly this women has had certain notions put in her head from a young age either that or was wrapped in cotton wool. The response from her mother of all people shows where responsibility of her behaviour comes from imo.

I would say though, her behaviour is going to continue and could go worse...I would nearly say that beware of rumours being spread, I kind of get the feeling a woman scorned like this might resort to dirty tactics and tarnish your professional image to 'get even'. I think you should definitely speak to the Guards even just to get advice on the issue. Depending on what mobile network you're on, you should be able to get her number blocked. It's hassle to have to change numbers especially for business use. I hope she'll get the message anyway and cop herself on. Do your best to stay clear of this girl.

ABajaninCork

OP - if you have a Samsung phone, it's possible to block the number. I'm not sure about other phones though...

darad

Her mother has some cheek!!

Miss Mimsy

thefeatheredcat wrote: »

OP,

You're lucky to have gotten away from this woman, and I have sympathy for the new fella. Don't pay her any attention, she's either trying to make you jealous as wants you back and is settling with this guy as can't be seen without a man, or she's trying to put you down.

In my college years I met some women that were not quite like this but not far off it either.

I think it's down to how she was brought up and the certain expectations of parents, or rather, the mother, in getting married early and be dependant on him, particularly to men who had money and a job, so they could be free not to work.

Some lads I met in college were always moaning about women like this, they only were interested as long as you had a bit of land, a house that was to be 'theirs' and a job. The minute you lost your job, they'd be gone and leeching off the next fella that could provide the woman with a house, car, money, pay for their hair, nails, etc
Basically women who are used to 'daddy's money' and the provider of all things tangible switches from daddy to bf or husband and don't see it as their own responsibility to provide for themselves.

I think though after what was really 12 months of a relationship (I discount the 6 mths travelling) to be expecting a wedding ring (under what I would attribute to her programming as a child by mother) and expecting the be living in your house that you were building is plain scary to me. Clearly this women has had certain notions put in her head from a young age either that or was wrapped in cotton wool. The response from her mother of all people shows where responsibility of her behaviour comes from imo.

I have to agree with thefeatheredcat on this one.

Something similar happened to my brother 2 years back. I didn't like the girl but kept stum because nothing I said would have did any good. She quit her her last year of college (because she said it was going nowhere) and started acting weird, by weird I mean she had pretty much planned out my brothers and her life together and my brother didn't even know it at the time. He also was building his house (paid for by himself and no input from her). It all came out when he was shown her facebook page by a mutual friend and started hearing strange comments from her friends when they were out about them starting a family, refering to it as her new home and there future wedding and he ran a mile. She practically stalked him for months after that....

thefeatheredcat wrote: »

I would say though, her behaviour is going to continue and could go worse...I would nearly say that beware of rumours being spread, I kind of get the feeling a woman scorned like this might resort to dirty tactics and tarnish your professional image to 'get even'. I think you should definitely speak to the Guards even just to get advice on the issue. Depending on what mobile network you're on, you should be able to get her number blocked. It's hassle to have to change numbers especially for business use. I hope she'll get the message anyway and cop herself on. Do your best to stay clear of this girl.

The reason I tell you of my brothers experience is because of what I have bolded here. My brother's ex started tarnishing his name both professionally (he is a plumber) by saying he cheated people by charging more or he stole things from work sites (all untrue I might add) and she caused untold havoc from him in his personal life by spreading lies that he assaulted her (all of this was proven to be untrue but mud sticks as they say so my brother had to live with the fallout of another persons instabilities)...

Just please be careful OP, cut all contact with her, speak to the gardai and if needs be then change you number. I may be sounding dramatic or extreme here but my brother fell into a deep depression after a girl (who sounds a lot like your ex) started behaving like a bunny boiler. In life and work a persons reputation is one of the most important things to have in order to live a happy and productive life and my brother nearly lost his.

I honestly dread the thought of anyone else going through this.

I hope everything works out for you OP.

CDfm

+1 very sound advice