Forbidden fruit

LegacyUser

Let me start I'm 24 year old male single.

The issue:
I developed a crush on me sisters close (not best) friend (who we'll call jane) over the last month or so. She lives less than 100m down the street from us.
How it happened was: Now she is quite attractive and good craic I found out she's into a lot of the same music and tv and stuff I'm into. I see her most mornings on the bus to work, we chat away in just a friendly manner. Was at the bus stop on thursday morning and she was there too. We got chatting told her about a club I go to and that me and the lads were going Friday night after work. She said that she had heard of the place and asked if it was any good. Bit of chit chat, got off the bus and went to work. Anyway last night a couple of the lads and myself went to the pub had a few drinks and went on into that club I'd mentioned to her. Now its not an overly busy club. I walk in and up to the bar and "Jane" walks up all "HEY YOUUUU" hugs me and has few jars on her bit tipsy. I'm still sober only had like 4 pints on me over the course of 4 hours. She invites me and the lads over to sit with her and a group of the girls she works with. So obviously the lads were like dogs in heat then and we went. Her and the girls asking how I know about the club and how its a great spot etc etc.

FLASH FORWARD 3:00am

The lads head home so do her friends. Me and "Jane" decide to get a taxi together since we live so close. Standing opposite Connolly Train Station smoking me and her and we're just talking and she kisses me. I don't stop it becaue I have a bit of a thing for her. We get a taxi and continue this the drive home. We get out of the taxi and she invites me in. We slept together but never had sex. We were talking and she says she likes me too and that we should go out sometime. I said I'd say it to me sisters out of respect for the fact its their friend first but I'd like to go out with her properly sometime..

Went home mentioned it to me sisters they through a wobbler. Now "Jane" and my sisters are all 22 so it not like they're 16 or 17. They proceed to call and tell me ma and she jumps on their side regardless of the fact I try to be honest and mature about it. Me sisters are mad it happened but realise there was drink involved and things happen & that i was honest about it. So they went off in a huff but are still wanna be friends with "Jane". Me ma pulls me aside about half an hour ago and tells me in no uncertain terms
Ma: You're not to be sleeping with your sisters friends.
Me: I like the girl. Its not a one nighter. We didnt have sex last night. We just slept in the same bed
Ma: I don't care. if you go out with her and it ends badly or at all she won't want to come up here and it'll jeopardise "Jane's" friendship with your sisters. (exit me ma)

her mother has now problem with it and says "he's a nice guy, his head well screwed on to his shoulders, never been in trouble with the gardai and works full time in good job"

So what do I do? Do I tell her we can't out or do I ignnore me parents and sisters and ask her out?

JonathanAnon

konfusedkid wrote: »

Ma: You're not to be sleeping with your sisters friends.
her mother has now problem with it and says "he's a nice guy, his head well screwed on to his shoulders, never been in trouble with the gardai and works full time in good job"

lol.. Did you go around with a pocket recorder and do a vox pop.. You sound like you were doing a report on the issue.

Seriously though, I think your mother and your sisters should stay out of it.. They are being possessive of this girl, as if she was their property. It's up to "Jane" what she wants to do, and it's not up to your family to make up her mind for her. If "Jane" wants to meet up with you for a drink, then I think you should go for it..

It will take them a while to get used to it, but if you think it's worth it then go for it.. If it goes wrong, it goes wrong.. again it will be awkward for a while, but life goes on..

MitchKoobski

You're 24, you're sister is 22 and she called your mother on you? Don't really know what to say on that bit...

This girl made it clear she likes you, whether she is your sister's friend or not, and its not like she is your sister's best friend in the entire world. She is just a friend she has.

You'd be hard done by to let your mother and your sister tell you who you can and can't see.

LegacyUser

Yes they're 22 and called me ma. They lead a very cushioned life they've received from me ma.

I can understand where they are coming from and I do want to ask her out properly. I don't want to blindly listen to what I'm told by my mother at 24 but I don't want to fall out with them because of it.

seenitall

OP, as a poster above noted, your post is hilarious. Gave me a good laugh.

Sounds like Jane and yourself are in for a lovely time together, so don't let it slip away. Parents and sisters get used to people having girlfriends whom the family knows previously or are family friends... happens all the time!

Best wishes.

tenchi-fan

Yes, ignore your mother and your sister.

Oryx

Be prepared for a bit of flak from them, but if you like the girl, go for it.

What would the score be if they wanted to go out with your friends? Ask them that.

MrDarcy

konfusedkid wrote: »

We slept together but never had sex.

konfusedkid wrote: »

I said I'd say it to me sisters out of respect for the fact its their friend first but I'd like to go out with her properly sometime..

Went home mentioned it to me sisters they through a wobbler. Now "Jane" and my sisters are all 22 so it not like they're 16 or 17. They proceed to call and tell me ma and she jumps on their side regardless of the fact I try to be honest and mature about it. Me sisters are mad it happened but realise there was drink involved and things happen & that i was honest about it. So they went off in a huff but are still wanna be friends with "Jane". Me ma pulls me aside about half an hour ago and tells me in no uncertain terms...

Why on earth would you ask for your sisters approval in a matter like this??? If you like the girl and she likes you, nobody elses approval should be sought or required regardless of who's friends with who.

Tell your sister and your Ma to worry about their own business and stay the fuk out of yours is my advice...

And by the way, you didn't sleep with her you just slept in the same bed as her, that isn't sleeping with someone, that's just having a lie down with them! :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

shinikins

Good post OP!

Sounds like your mother is trying to be proteective of your sisters friendships, which i can understand, but she's come across heavy handed.
If your serious about "Jane", and it sounds like you are, then the two of you need to make an agreement now that whatever happens, your relationship won't get in the way of your sisters friendship. Sounds all serious, but trust me, it'll make things eaasier in the long run, and if you do break up at least you've both been clear from the start. Your mother might disapprove, but look at it from her point of view-if the relationship ends badly, not only will it affect you, but it will affect your sisters too, and no mother wants her kids fighting, or tiptoeing around each other. She's just expressed it badly imo.

Ask her out, if you haven't already, and enjoy yourself!

MrDarcy

MitchKoobski wrote: »

You're 24, you're sister is 22 and she called your mother on you? Don't really know what to say on that bit...

This girl made it clear she likes you, whether she is your sister's friend or not, and its not like she is your sister's best friend in the entire world. She is just a friend she has.

You'd be hard done by to let your mother and your sister tell you who you can and can't see.

This has a ring of, "I'm telling Ma on you", about it, OP you need to have a serious f*cking word with your sisters, if my sis went ratting on me like that me trying to get into her friends knickers would be the least of her problems!

What an Irish problem I have to say, sisters interfering and meddling like little old grannies, OP you seriously wanna start asserting yourself there and setting down some ground rules or these sisters will be under your feet for the rest of your life!

And what by the way does "Jane" have to say about her mates going back to their mammy and telling mammy on Jane?!?!?!?

LegacyUser

MrDarcy wrote: »

This has a ring of, "I'm telling Ma on you", about it, OP you need to have a serious f*cking word with your sisters.

Yeah they do. they don't do anything for themselves.


I went ahead and asked "jane" out. told me sisters to f**k off and ignored me ma. Decided to do what SHINIKINS said and tell her that whatever happens I don't want it to affect her friendship with her sisters. will talk to her about it when we go out tonight. cheers for all your help

Fittle

Great post OP, brought a smile to my face on this miserable rainy saturday afternoon:D. The best bit is where you tell the girl you've just spent the night with, that you'll ask your sisters if you can go out with her....How did she react to that???

Anyway, my advice would be to be prepared for a bit of flak from your mother and sisters but ultimately, do what you want to do. Any chance you might be moving out of home anytime soon so the mother and sisters won't be so involved in your love life?

Taltos

As long as you are living at home you will still be seen as fair game for interference. Maybe use this as a prompt to get out or at a min set boundaries...

At 24 NO-ONE should be telling you what to do. They can express opinions but you can equally tell em thanks but no-thanks.

Enjoy the date and hope it works out - sounds like Jane is crazy about you
Thanks for the happy thread, rare enough these days.

Joey the lips

I dont know why your mom reacted the way she did nor your sisters...Maybe there is backround stuff we dont know.

Why dont you sit down with Jane and tell her that you both will give it a go on condition that if it does not work out jane keeps in touch with your sisters.

really after that your not 16 tell them all to mind there own business. I would also suggest that you carry the relationship on sober as drunk can lead to embarrasing mistakes bit that part i will leave with yourself.

MrDarcy

Taltos wrote: »

As long as you are living at home you will still be seen as fair game for interference. Maybe use this as a prompt to get out or at a min set boundaries...

At 24 NO-ONE should be telling you what to do. They can express opinions but you can equally tell em thanks but no-thanks.

Enjoy the date and hope it works out - sounds like Jane is crazy about you
Thanks for the happy thread, rare enough these days.

Good point, here's another thing OP, if you were not living at home none of this would be an issue. If yourself and the beautiful Jane didn't ultimately work out, then it doesn't stop her calling around to your parents to see your sisters, 'cos you'll be living somewhere else!

Also getting out of the nest does wonders for your sex life!

Moomoo1

this is hilarious. So before the relationship has even started every single relative have had their say on it.

aidan24326

MrDarcy wrote: »

And by the way, you didn't sleep with her you just slept in the same bed as her, that isn't sleeping with someone, that's just having a lie down with them! :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

Well, we can assume they did a little more than 'lie down together'. Not that unusual to sleep together without actually having full sex on a first night.

herisson

Fúck what your ma and sister think

if she likes you and you like her then just go for it dont be an idiot and let that slip through your fingers

MrDarcy

aidan24326 wrote: »

Well, we can assume they did a little more than 'lie down together'. Not that unusual to sleep together without actually having full sex on a first night.

Yeah I hear ya and that's called having an auld rummage or a root, not "sleeping together"! Just for completeness like...!

Overheal

Oh yeah, Jane and your Sister are great friend's if she's threatened by this issue. Wtf is that? Go for it, she'll get over it.

carolmon

MrDarcy wrote: »

Yeah I hear ya and that's called having an auld rummage or a root, not "sleeping together"! Just for completeness like...!

actually they did "sleep together" as in the slept in the same bed.
The OP said they didn't have sex, I'm sure if they'd had sex that's what he would have said.

Why Irish people still insist on using euphemisms I'll never understand, and now people are arguing with him over his terminology??? Please...........

Bottle_of_Smoke

Do you have a history of messing girls about or breaking hearts or something?

Might be more straightforward if you move into a place of your own

notmyreal

all sounds phony to me !!

Fahrrad

Ignore your family. They have no right to deny you happiness.

calex71

OP sweep the girl off her feet , wine her dine her love her etc etc.

Then elope with her n the profits of the #1 best seller you could write about it. I don't mean that as a dig in the slightest, but people would/have paid to read a story like yours.

Distorted

Oh dear - if you are'nt supposed to date people you know, are you just meant to hook up with total strangers then? I thought thats how most people met their partners - through other people they know! tbh though its a bit juvenile to be subjected to such comments at 24 - leave home and be independent, and don't give your mother and sisters the chance to make these comments. (maybe they're uncomfortable with the thought of you bringing her home and you all being under the same roof?_

folan

itll hurt your relationship with your sister, it will hurt your relationship with your parents, itll hurt your sisters relationship with her friend (and thatll hurt her relationship with most of their friends).

Taltos

folan wrote: »

itll hurt your relationship with your sister, it will hurt your relationship with your parents, itll hurt your sisters relationship with her friend (and thatll hurt her relationship with most of their friends).

Let's face it - if the reason NOT to go ahead with a relationship because "it'll hurt your relationship with XYZ" - then I think the bigger issue here is your relationship with XYZ.

Fear is a great motivator - that and guilt are two of the most commonly used tools here in place from our relations.

At the end of the day - you are born alone and you die alone - you need to figure out what you want. If folk try to stop you - then you need to consider if they really have your best interests at heart...

Suggest you talk to them both and find out why - but they need to realize it is your life. You talking to them is a courtesy and you are NOT asking for permission. It is no longer the 40s....
Learn from this though - keep your private life private...

WindSock

Why you felt you should tell your sisters is beyond me, especially if they have a penchant for running off to mammy over anything. OP, your family are not the masters of your relationships. None of their business, go for it of you like the girl, screw the rest. They'll get over it. Offer up one of your mates as a sacrificial lamb it helps lighten the atmosphere